All I Want for Xmas Is A GOOD STORYLINE

Johnny is missing an eye. It is sad and it wasn't necessary. The sick kid storyline is a cop out and made EJ out to be a complete monster, blaming cancer on Sami. I understand EJ is jealous of Rafe/Sami, but taking it out on his children is gross, wrong, and honestly out of character. The writers made him way worse than he was. Like I said on twitter, this is unfair to the EJami fans who support the couple. Before the Safes start with me, your couple is getting shit on too. Rafe and Sami have been married like a week and they are already fighting like they old and they are not really being romantic. In fact they have reached a level of boredom where Allie cries every night because she'd like something to happen....she's that bored.

Maggie still wants Victor...they are going to drag this out. JUST HAPPEN ALREADY! Meanwhile can we stick Vivian back in the sarcophagus? She's just being cruel and not at all funny. It isn't fun anymore when she just randomly tortures people and screws with their lives. STOP IT! Go find Ivan and get laid! Also leave Brady and Nicole alone. Just because you aren't having sex doesn't mean you have to ruin it for everyone else!

Hope and Bo are on the run. Usually these kinds of storylines are entertaining but somehow these two know how to BORE UP a story! Feed Hope, stick her in jail, and then get her released like you would in REAL LIFE. She figured out there is an organ harvesting thing going on, let her out for THAT, not because she is in solitary and crying. DO YOUR JOB BO! P.S. wearing all black....BIG TIP YOU ARE HIDING SOMETHING OR SOMEONE. Also, I'm beginning to think the Hope not eating thing is a running gag with the writers. Rude! She's thrown away food like 8 times in the past 3 weeks. Enough already!

Spoilers for the NEW YEAR: Kayla opens her big mouth and reveals Parker's paternity. The woman never learned to shut the fuck up and this is all Stephanie and Caroline's fault. Speaking of Caroline...STROKE! Apparently the writers read my play by play and realized she also needs to shut the fuck up. Rafe is getting a new brother...I already don't like him because that family is boring. Nicole's sister is coming back and falls for EJ...maybe she has a serial killer fetish too. YAY! What happened to Chad btw? Where is he when he is not stalking Stefano? I'd like Johnny to get his eye too. He ain't Patch HE COOLER!

Merry Xmas everyone, and have a great Holiday without the soap style drama. Tell your husband he is NOT the father. Sleep with your Son in law! If you like women....Sleep with someone like CHLOE! If your a guy...Sleep with someone like CHLOE. I'm sticking Chloe in all your stockings!! Run to the hospital and pray a hot doctor is there. Run over a lady like Caroline. FEED HOPE! Take care!!

Caroline Got Run Over By a Reindeer

I think this is my favorite title because I partially wish it was true, but I happen to care for Reindeer. Caroline and Stephanie need to shut the fuck up! There is no nicer way to put it. They just keep loud whispering everyday. Caroline also had the nerve to do a terrible Melanie impersonation. I guess she doesn't realize doing an impression of her would mean attaching a bungee cord to their faces. I don't want to spoil storyline but at least Caroline will be shutting up soon. Too bad she can't take Stephanie with her.

Hope is still in jail.......not eating........bruised face.......I stopped caring three months ago. Seriously just have Bo and Jen go save her so they ruin Carly's life because delaying the inevitable is just annoying. They have Carly in camouflage now...next will be a burlap sack and a bag on her head. Maybe they can make Carly interesting again if they have her kill Dr. Ben. I'll pay her to do it.

EJ is a rat bastard now, probably at his worst in all his years on the show. Seriously Days writers...THIS IS NOT HOW YOU WRITE A VILLAIN. EJ has nothing redeemable about him right now. They should have given him cancer instead of Johnny. Giving EJ cancer would have made him vulnerable and the audience, or EJAMIs at least would like him. Serioulsy I am not an EJAMI fan, but if I was I would seriously be furious with the writers lately. They've made EJ into a piece of shit human being. He is even mistreating his children now and that is a low blow. Also, I am not a fan of giving Johnny a tumor. Johnny is MY FAVORITE kid on the show and now they are making him sick. THEY HAVE RUINED CHRISTMAS!

Chloe and Phillip are still covering up the fact they had sex. Phillip is now lying that he slept with his random co-worker Sabrina. Daniel needs to go to the store and buy a freaking clue! While he is there he should pick one up for Melanie too. This rhymed! Best part of this week was the PHLOE flashback to when Chloe was a normal human being called GHOUL GIRL. That was the Chloe I loved who was actually smart but apparently she took all of Brady's drugs offscreen and came back with a learning disability. Side Note: Baby Parker is played by two cute little girls. Maybe the character will have gender issues! This I do know...one of those little girls has the hots for Eric Martsolf, and she has good taste.

My Xmas wish: a MAGIC CHRISTMAS. Best couple on the show and I want them together already. Can I get a romantic slow dance please? And I will also pay to see Victor in a Christmas sweater thank you!

Last Christmas I Gave EJ My Heart and the Very Next Year I Want To Decapitate Him

So this Christmas EJ is a huge son of a bitch...sorry but he is. The writers are making EJ a really really horrible bastard that I just cannot root for. I do not care if he REALLY loves Sami, he is acting like Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights and guess what...I HATED THAT BOOK TOO! Acting like a complete asshole does NOT win you the woman you love. He is putting it into his kid's head that his mother hates him...sorry that is seriously DISGUSTING. I liked EJ but I just cannot get with this whole let's get the kids to hate Mommy storyline. P.S. this does not mean I like Rafe any better. So glad that he is now married to Sami and can enable her even more. She DOES NOT LISTEN TO YOU...get that through the thick skull.

Carly wants a baby....pure speculation but I have never seen her so excited. Also if she has a baby that means she will finally have a friend! Perhaps this time she can actually raise a child instead of having it stolen from her for what would be the THIRD time. Carly and Chloe are still discussing their secret. In fact if you rewind to three months ago its pretty much the same conversation they had back then. Parker is cute by the way and probably going to be spoiled. Things are going soooooo great for Chloe which means shit will hit the fan in about two weeks. Carly is also obsessed with Bo who is obsessed with Hope. Hope is still in jail still not eating, however now she has a big purple bruise on her face. Warden made her write a fake letter because Warden thinks Hope is a huge pain in the ass who won't die. She can't kill her only keep her in solitary. I say harvest any viable organs...which means like ONE with Hope and ship it off to Dr. Ben.

Okay...DR. BEN! Listen I have NEVER been a fan of Ty Treadway sorry. Dr. Ben is LAME! Another actor might have made him compelling or at least a hot guy would have made me go: OOOO Sleep with Jen...but Ty Treadway...just NO! Also why would Jen want to get with him of all people its just too random.

Kate and Stefano broke up this week too. Okay I am a fan of the elderly love on this show. Stefano/Kate and Maggie/Victor are the BEST COUPLES! They make sense and they are just all amazing together. Vivian can seriously take a flying fuck off a bridge at this point. I love Louise Sorel (amazing actress) however Vivian's shenanigans are getting repetitive and old. She just keeps trying to kill everyone when really she is just annoying everyone including me. She's not even being funny just cruel! Sorry but when you go after someone like Maggie....its not cute.

Brady and Nicole just need to have constant sex....its really what they are the best at. They are going to pretend to break up and then have sex in secret places. I support this fully.

Caroline is praying to God. Yeah I would be doing the same if I were her because pretty soon she will be plugging Fixident on the show!

I Saw Daniel Kissing Santa Claus..Ok It Was Dead Carly

This is going to be a tough recap. Not much has been going on outside of the Hospital Quarantine storyline! My new highlight...CHRISTMAS titles!

Okay so Carly died for a minute and then came back to life. I am excited Carly is still alive but Stefano's returns from death are far more exciting. I'd also like to thank Daniel for taking the time to make out with Carly instead of performing CPR. He also got handsy...lovely. Melanie has forgiven her mother because we all know near death experiences bring families together! Bo remembered he is dating Carly for two minutes and was nice enough to pay her a Window visit. Nathan is moaning about Chloe and Melanie.....its not sexy! All together though the Hospital Quarantine was fun! Even though the writers suffer from the LOMA virus. Lost Our Minds Again!

Hope...still in jail. Not eating her pudding and moping. This storyline line would be more exciting if Hope got into um, FIGHTS! Jail is full of prison fights, not people being civil and using cell phones! Also I love that no one is asking questions about the dead bodies in jail except Hope. Most people survive leg surgery, not being SHOT in the head like EJ. I was excited this lady was going to jail and now I am just bored. Crack the bitch outta the slammer and just make something happen. Side note: Jen is in town for Hope, yet we have to watch her get annoyed by probably the most irritating doctor I have ever encountered: Dr. Ben! I would rather have her have drunken sex with Bo, and then Hope and Carly having to deal with THAT. That is DRAMA PEOPLE!

Maggie is now wearing long sleeved hospital gowns. I think she should have her own clothing line! Vivian is annoying her to know end. So the whole damn town will go to jail if she turns Vivian in. You know what...DO IT! It will be like Big Brother on Days but just the prison version! I would pay to see Brady and Victor in a prison yard! Brady can have workout sessions and Phillip can spot him....Yes this is getting kinky! Nicole and Kate can chill with Hope in jail and by chill I mean beat her up and make her their bitch.

Stefano and Kate ARE OVER....for now. Ok this pisses me off! I LIKE them together and they make sense, just as Victor and Maggie make sense. Where Victor and Maggie have a classy romantic love story, these two have an evil, we kind of belong together one too! He OBVIOUSLY loves the woman and she actually made sense when she was defending herself about the SAMI issue at least. Now the old bastard is upset that she lied about the Chad situation. Ok we all knew this would happen and he has a right to be mad. HOWEVER, HE LIES TO HER ALL THE TIME! Also he clearly shaves his chest and I think that is Kate's influence and a good reason she should stick around!

EJ.....Sami......Rafe. What do I have left to say about this MESS? I used to LOVE the Brady family, and wanted to be a part of it as a kid, if ANYTHING for the free Pub booze. Now..I LOATHE THEM! Caroline can go jump off a bridge with the self-righteous bullshit. Roman can go mumble to some spies abroad and rip off his face again, whatever. Sami is annoyingly dealing with the EJ situation she put herself in. If you are going to shoot someone...MAKE SURE THEY DIE! Rafe is walking around like a moron with his thumb up his ass. We had to hear him lecture Sami about her lies for months and NOW he helps her cover shit up. Then we have the MAGICAL EJ. EJ cannot even tell Johnny the truth that he can no longer see his mommy. Mr. Big Scary tough guy cannot even do that. None of these people deserve each other and I officially want all the kids taken away and given to MARLENA IN EUROPE!....Except Johnny who I think can live on his own.