As the Hope Gets Cray Cray

I'm BACKKKKKKKKKK. Editor's note: I can neither confirm nor deny that Mark Hapka has had any influence over the treatment of Nathan's character in this week's blog recaps. That charming smile may or may not have worked....I admit nothing!

Nathan, that spitting image of a Greek God, is talking to Melanie about the patient they lost. Maxine tells Lexie and Stephanie about what went down and they both look like someone pooped in their cereal. Bottom Line: Lady is dead, Someone is in trouble, and it's not Nathan's stylist because who does not want to run their fingers through that hair!

Hope is a bad mother and forgot to pack SeeWhoreA's lunch. Maybe since she is crazy now, her alter ego ate it....NO WAY! Even her Alter Ego is thin! The D.A. admitted that Rafe was not his attacker to Roman, and even Hope is shocked that Roman got a confession out of someone. Now she is knocking things over, belligerent and acting a fool!.....moreso than usual....OMG is she Roman?

EJ and Rafe are having PIER dialogue. These two are one step away from signing on to a gay soft core porn flick with the amount of time they spend together. Can we really blame Rafe though? EJ is fine with his freshly pressed Italian suits.

Stefano thanks Sami for letting him see his grandchildren. Sami wants to update her Facebook status. That joke alone proves that Sami spends more time on her laptop than with her 89 children. She is so busy playing Farmville that she has no time for Sydney, Will, Gianni, or that other one we will never see now that Lucas is gone. Stefano wants a truce with Sami so he extends his hand for a handshake. Sami looks at his hand like it has flesh eating bacteria on it...next time whip out a baby sanitizer and shake it!

Abe has to explain to Hope that they are friends. This Cray Cray Hope is exciting stuff. It's like a PMS version of Hope mixed in with a little Princess Gina. Someone is having a bad case of the Mondays. No one is ever this concerned about me when I have a headache! Adrienne walks in and Hope's day is getting worse.

Sami says NO to a truce with Stefano in a snarky way. Normally I enjoy the snark, but Sami is getting on my nerves and is stealing my jokes in the process. Rafe suspects that EJ is being blackmailed by Stefano. We learn interesting things about how poor Rafe's family is. Sharing these tidbits does not make me like the Hernandez family more! Rafe is going to put EJ away for "good"....the definition of "good" on Days of Our Lives is about 3 months.

Lexie is not happy with Melanie and Nathan because their relationship might have played a role in the patient's death. Enjoying Melanie' pink scrubs and think more people should wear them considering some of the outfits on this show. Lexie asks if they were focused on each other instead of the patient. Nathan leaves to give the patient's family the news and Lexie and Mel are discussing how Melanie effects Nathan. Nathan cannot be effected by anything. He is perfection!......Okay that one seriously hurt a little.

Hope updates Abe on Justin's condition in front of Adrienne. Adrienne wants to shove her fist down Hope's...um does Hope have a throat? Adrienne cannot understand Hope...not the only one...and why she does things like bring her to town, when it seems she has other intentions and then tells her to leave. So Hope is a bipolar weirdo with multiple personality disorder now.

EJ and Rafe are still having the same conversation on repeat. Can they at least be shirtless next time? Let's start a letter writing campaign.

Sami says Stefano will never change....but somehow EJ can? Sami's thinking process needs to be examined. Stefano cannot believe that someone like Marlena gave birth to Sami. To be fair to Sami, Marlena was the devil for a while and spawning evil things came naturally to Marlena. Plus, crazy runs in the family what with her crazy aunt who she is named after! Stefano almost lets Sami know that EJ loves her....how sad that it's not apparent to Sami like it is to the rest of the town.

Stephanie and Nathan are talking. Not paying attention though not because of boredom...but because Nathan is a beautiful man and can do no wrong in my eyes.

Hope questions Adrienne about the mugging and is really rude about it. Justin may have been targeted on purpose. Betting that Hope is the mugger and she needs the money to buy some crappy jewelery because she is not buying snacks. Justin wants to know why Adrienne is still there. Um, RUDE. Why does Justin have to make her feel like crap because this lady really did nothing wrong!...except marry him.

Rafe tells EJ his Anna theories and Benny ponderings....watching Sydney play with her blocks is more entertaining. He lets EJ know that someone else had to be involved. This mind game crap does not work and Rafe should just hand over all the evidence if he is going to be this annoying.

Sami says that Stefano is never seeing her kids again. Stefano has an EJ flashback of him telling his daddy to fix things or else. Stefano needs to learn how to drug and kidnap people again. Those were fun times!

Justin's bandage on his head is huge and distracting. Could they not find a bigger piece of gauze? Hope leaves them all a flutter. The vapors must be getting to her. Justin and Adrienne are just as confused as us and wonder why she is so dressed. Does anyone worry about her weight loss?

Sami and Stefano are arguing some more. He is trying to be nice but Sami is not buying it. I stopped listening to Sami talk because her outfit distracted me. EJ is dressing her and no me gusta! Meanwhile Rafe gets one of those many phonecalls he gets and EJ goes to leave. He tells EJ that Anna is being arrested in Morocco. Anna loves her some cheap rugs and Hookah!


Nathan wants to defend himself in front of the hospital council meeting about his patients death. Horton's have no fear! Nathan is AMAZING and can do no wrong so he will be super duper okay!

SeeWhoreA ate something.....is it Mom's turn? Feed Hope should trend on twitter! Meanwhile Adrienne is selling the bar and some rich guy wants to buy it and name it Eponymous! Based on the big word usage it must be EJ. Adrienne is happy she came back, but Justin does not look as happy as her. Wow wonder why their marriage failed? These two clearly are perfect for one another.

Sami threatens to change the custody agreement, which she does every 2 to 3 weeks on this show. Kate walks in and talks about Sydney's Penguin. Can that Penguin eventually have close ups and it's own theme music like the other inanimate objects on this show? Kate LOATHES Sami. Vote Kate for next Mayor of Salem! Kate fake offers to bake for Sami, and her and Stefano High Five. That was cute!

Adrienne says that Justin was her ROCK. He does have a rock for brains so its fitting. She does not need to Lean on him anymore..when she's not strong, and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy onnnnnnnnnn. So call on me....Okay that's enough.

Rafe and Sami are still as awkward as always. The ONE consistent thing about the two of them. Rafe announces that Anna has been arrested and that's Sami's cue for wanting makeup sex! Kate learns EJ is in love with Sami and she wants to throw up! She gags, Stefano drinks his booze, and Kate tries to understand why Sami is so attractive to men. Thinking it is because she practices the rhythm method. And BINGO Kate mentions how Sami spawns children. Birth Control needs to sponsor this show. EJ comes in and asks Kate to leave. He tells Stefano that Anna has been found. Based on Stefano's reaction...there is nothing to worry about!

Nathan tells Mel that he is going before the council, wanting to know what he did wrong. People like you don't make mistakes Nathan. :) Yeah whatever, Melanie is the problem!

Adrienne apologizes to Justin, and he says that he is sorry too! That was thankfully brief!

Rafe asks Sami if she has spoken to EJ, because he is surprised that EJ did not tell her about Anna being caught. Sami is bad at being suspicious lately. Stefano tells EJ to calm down. EJ is worried about losing his Samantha. The man is so red he may be on fire or just a drunk.

Melanie wants to quit nursing, but Nathan will not let her. He is just a dreamy hero! Melanie announces that INCOMING..Steph is on her way over. Melanie has to get back to her husband...oh NOW you remember you are married!

Hope comes home and takes off her jacket. Her hair is actually different and she has makeup on. She takes off that jacket so slowly! Great she is a lying whore now who goes out at all hours. She sees that little SeeWhoreA is wide awake and wonders what her daughter is doing up. SeeWhoreA was worried when she woke up and Hope was gone. She misses her daddy! Hope tells her that maybe one day Uncle Justin will be her new daddy! WHOA! CRAY CRAY HOPE is in full effect. That smile was all Joan Crawford kinds of evil!

Stefano says that Anna was not arrested. He merely set up the police to give Anna more time to get away. EJ is thankful and Stefano is giddy! Can these two bond more? Let's have scenes where they drink booze, smoke cigars, and plot world domination. Rafe is super excited, then gets the call it was not Anna. Rafe tells Sami and starts freaking out about how it was a setup. Now Rafe is Cray Cray!

Lexie walks at the PIER and calls Abe. Abe's phone rings and we see him lying on the floor. NEXT MUGGING VICTIM!! Can Roman be next please?

Previews: Vivian tells Gus she wants to push Chloe over the edge. Hopefully she means a cliff or something. It was SO predictable she was going to use Chloe to get to Carly. LAME!

Nicole tells Chloe to watch her back...Chloe is confused by this because most people watch her front. After Chloe tries three times to look at her own back, Nicole stops her and mentions that she meant watch out for Carly.

Carly tells Daniel that she is more than a friend to him. Well yes you were the F*&! buddy! Everyone knows that F&^! buddies are important and fun! Daniel appreciates her and her need to put out on occasion.

One Life to Live: The Stefano is "ill" Edition

Stefano and Kate await the arrival of their grandchildren as EJ is working Sami at the moment to get them back. They should have a Botox party while they are waiting because they are not getting any younger. Also, can we see other rooms in that Mansion?? Missing secret passageways over here! EJ tells Sami that something is going on and it is time to know the truth. Sami thinks she has it figured out, and isn't that just cute of her to try. No Sami you are stupid and you couldn't figure anything out if someone paid you to.

Phillip overhears the Letter business all over again, as Stephanie and Melanie are fighting. He walks in and asks what it going on. Melanie is very bad at lying so this should be interesting. Will there be a panic attack and tears in our future?

Roman and Rafe are talking. Give me 10 minutes to decipher what they are saying. Most people don't speak grunt and mumbling. Seems that because of the Justin attack, Rafe is off the hook so he is free to leave. He wants to talk to Rafe about Sami. Roman wants to talk about Sami...he really has an unhealthy obsession with his daughter.

Kate wants to know what Stefano has on EJ. Has she learned nothing from the Godfather movies?? You don't ask about the business. We get a flashback to the big reveal of Stefano knowing about EJ the kidnapper. He is not going to tell her yet what he has on EJ. What is important is that Stefano is getting his family back....now when is Kate going to get her style back? Meanwhile Sami realizes that EJ will never change.....his clothes or his attitude! The blinking though can be fixed if he goes to a specialist.

Melanie receives flowers from Phillip and Stephanie thankfully LEAVES! Phillip pretends to not know what's going on...unlike most other people on this show who never really know what is going on. Melanie has scissors in her hand and is anyone else worried at the potential danger she is in? Phillip wants the truth from Melanie, because he looks like he will strangle her if she lies.

Roman wants Rafe to save Sami for the 80 millionth time. Yeah...NO!

Kate explains to Stefano that his plan is ridiculous because EJ will need time to get the children away from their mother and this Stefano is being unreasonable. When did Kate start making sense? JESUS! Stefano thinks she is a party pooper! If EJ does not deliver Stefano will destroy him.....by taking away his hair gel!

Sami cannot believe she was such an idiot.....well you were you gullible butthead! Sami wants EJ to be honest about why he pulled this 180 with a McTwist. She says she wants the truth and it better be good......Okay that is a clear invitation to just tell a flat out lie if you ask me!

Phillip is angered by Melanie not telling him the truth, so he is being a little fake. Not CHLOE fake, just regular normal fake. Melanie is such a bad liar. She is being MORE clumsy and rambling much more than usual. Those damn flowers are going to die if she is not careful. Phillip says he loves her and Melanie says she loves him. Awwwww Phillip is sad, and his wife is a liar in love with a huge dork. Poor bastard.

Arianna shows up at the station with a FUGLY green shirt on. For an ex-con she goes to that station way to much! She wants to get Rafe out of there, who suggests they go to the Cheatin' Heart. My brother and I do not go to bars together....I consider us normal and these two freaking weird.

Stefano does not appreciate Kate's advice. He has also had it with all the sentimental crap he is hearing.....wow are you on the wrong show. Too bad he missed the Family Operating Room love. Stefano resents all the evil crap EJ said to him, so if he does not follow through on bringing the children home then EJ will be dead to him. Why can't he be dead like NOW?

Sami and EJ are still arguing......however, Sami's big old chest scratch bruise is distracting and looks like Ketchup now. EJ is trying to explain how he loved the time spent with Sami and the children, in a nice manner........okay still looking at that bruise JESUS! Get some Cocoa Butter or some Neosporin and a bandage woman! Sami wants to know why it is okay for Stefano to be around her children. The real question: why is it okay FOR YOU to be around your children? EJ lies and says that Stefano is sick. Swine flu?

Phillip wants to know why things were so tense between Steph and Mel. They were so obvious that they were going to rip each other's heart out. He wants to know what their fight was about......now this is a good husband! Stephanie gets a call from Nathan about their date. She is going to water plants and he is going to stand on the PIER like a moron. Thanks Days!

Stefano is pacing so much that Kate will get a chance to remodel the living room as well as the rest of the house. Kate explains that EJ has to persuade Sami and that takes time. Stefano cannot understand how whipped EJ is.......BEEN SAYING THAT FOR WEEKS! It is just as pathetic and gross and Stefano makes it out to be. Sami does not understand that when EJ said sick, he meant a disease, not a mental issue. He explains it has to do with Stefano's diabetes.....Stefano is going to live longer than Keith Richards does with his blood transfusions. Stefano interrupts them and says it is Game Over for EJ.....if only the storyline was over.

Melanie is truly obsessed with her vase of flowers and not dropping them or letting them go. Melanie says that she would rather not talk about the fight, but she will.......can she explain to us at least why she likes Nathan...still confused about that one!

Arianna is annoying Rafe, and the audience with her problems. She wants to help her brother with Sami...NO stay out of it, because you already have problems with Nicole! He says that he cannot help Sami anymore....Well Thank GOD! Too bad this revelation will probably only last a week. EJ is on the phone with Stefano and lets him know the kids will be over soon. Sami is NOT pleased and why can't she smack EJ around like she did with Nicole? EJ mentions their custody agreement and how it is his turn to ignore the children. Sami says fine, but she has to come along with them...um RUDE way to invite yourself over.

Roman is Mr. Current Events. He reminds us that Steph is his niece, and that Kimberly is lucky that Bo is a match. He asks how Stephanie is, and she says things are looking up. If being with Nathan means things are looking up for her....girl needs some anti-depressants and some uppers. Melanie admits that Stephanie and her were fighting about Nathan, but does NOT mention the letter. She says that Phillip is stuck with her and he does not feel good after she said that.

The children arrive at Stefano's!!! Its ITALIAN FAMILY FUN NITE!! Where the gun play is kept to a minimum, but a shady deal or two goes down in the playroom. Sami says that Stefano does not look sick, and Stefano doesn't realize EJ is making faces and does not play along. To be fair to Stefano, EJ always has that constipated LIE PLEASE face on.

Phillip explains he knows Stephanie, including in the Biblical sense. Stephanie is not paranoid according to Phillip....WOW good thing he didn't marry her because CLEARLY he doesn't knows her at all. Melanie says she does not have feelings for Nathan...they why all the Nathan hallucinations? Melanie explains that the shooting made her realize how much she wanted Phillip, which sucks because the shooting was AFTER the wedding. Phillip is unsure of how she really feels, so she goes in for the hug and make out session combo. Melanie is one smart lady with that move!

Rafe and Arianna are still talking.....I'm not really paying attention anymore. Let's bring Passions back! There is some Nicole talk, then Sami talk, and Rafe cannot fix Sami.....not even the writers can. Apparently though Arianna thinks she can fix things between the two morons.

EJ explains Stefano's health problems...in a very LOUD AND OBVIOUS MANNER. Kate is even laughing in the background. Stefano explains that he is not sick, then says no one can know he is sick....this was a huge waste of time AGAIN! Stefano wants time with Sydney and poor Gianni gets thrown out of the room again. That little kid never gets a chance, and his sister does not even get airtime. After Sami leaves the room, Stefano explains he wants EJ to admit he is lying about the illness. Can this really get any worse?

Nathan and Stephanie are pimping ski trips where you don't leave the room and just have boring sex. Phillip and Melanie moved things to the bedroom where they are about to have good sex. Phillip says he is almost convinced that Melanie loves him...she just has to put out for him to know it is real. Now they are doing IT....and by IT I mean having sex during the commercial break.

Sami is ready to leave Stefano's and he explains that the kids are sleeping over. How did she not assume that was going to happen? The kids were supposed to stay with EJ THAT NIGHT. She truly caught being stupid from Rafe. Sami is really annoyed, and EJ's best excuse is that they have to stay over or it will ruin their routine. Someone has been reading Parents Magazine on the toilet. Sami says goodnight to Sydney, and Stefano says he will be putting her to sleep....make her watch this episode.

Phillip is drinking in bed, while watching Melanie sleep. It's kind of sexy and I enjoyed it......yes I'm a cheap date.

Arianna thinks that if Rafe solves the case, all will be right between him and Sami. She says she is stating the obvious....um THAT'S MY JOB! Now I really don't like her because she is stealing my shit. At Stefano's everyone is wearing a shad of purple except EJ in his all black attire. These color themes on this show are really annoying at times. Kate shows Sami the way out and slams the door in Sami's face......enjoyed that actually. NBC should offer a tour where we get to do that to character's who tick us off. Stefano is all happy, and the episode ends with Sydney doing a sucky face maneuver. We are with you Sydney!

Previews: Nathan: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Phillip and Melanie: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Brady and Arianna: DEAR GOD WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Kate is Not Young and EJ is Very Restless

Apparently EJ has become a man...did Stefano finally get him circumcised? Their fight is over, but Stefano wants something. Hoping the condition is he and EJ go to the ice cream parlor hand in hand while skipping.

Chloe finds Carly sitting on the sofa.....why didn't Carly just put on her PJs and take a nap while eating Chloe's ice cream? Chloe says in her bitch code language that its OKAY for Carly to stay there. Daniel walks in with a box, and Chloe takes it from him and leaves. Dumbest Idea Ever continues for the time being....perhaps the box is for Carly's head.

Phillip finds Adrienne holding Justin who must have gotten cracked in the head with a bat....that is what you get for being boring....is Nathan next? Stephanie learns that Melanie is working at the hospital again. Melanie can tell Stephanie wants to throw up over this idea, and Stephanie adds that she thinks its a REALLY BAD idea. Slap her next time and tell her she is unqualified.

Madeline is proud of Chad, who goes to talk to his dad's doctor. Madeline then decides to have a Kate flashback.....weird! Sami runs into Kate and NO it's not a flashback. Kate wonders if Sami's bruises are from a cat fight...or one of her starving children. Sami cannot understand why Will wants to live with Kate, a manipulative witch. Manipulative witches are fun to live with! Kate tries to leave but Sami stops her and says EJ is going to throw her out on her ass. Kate starts laughing because as we all know...she has no ass!

EJ needs to do Stefano one last thing, and EJ cannot figure it out, and Stefano is not telling yet so this was a huge waste of time! THANKS! Kate and Sami are still fighting and Kate says that she has underestimated Stefano DiMera. Sami does that with everyone, including her kids now. Pretty soon Syndey will be 20, and quite the handful! Stefano wants the kids back in the house within the hour. Why does there have to be a time limit?? EJ wonders what to do about Sami, and Stefano says what does she matter. EJ has yet to tell the big guy he loves the lady....well I'd be embarrassed too if I were EJ.

Adrienne is screaming at Justin because as we saw from the Hurricane it's a time to PANIC!! She tells Phillip he is not responding...well most people unconscious DO NOT respond so it's actually a good sign. Meanwhile Melanie doesn't give a rat's ass about what Stephanie thinks and neither does the audience. Stephanie does not admire quitters....wow! Melanie does not admire mean people...double wow! This is EMMY WORTHY WRITING!! Melanie turns in her forms and tells Steph that what she does is none of her business, but Stephanie disagrees. Stephanie is an annoying bitch.

Nevermind the QUEEN of Annoying Bitches is ........CHLOE! Chloe is going through boxes and Daniel wonders what she is doing....is it that hard to figure out Danny? She wants to be helpful..which in bitch code means Dammit now I have to move this woman's shit too. Carly is equally freaked out by Chloe being fake nice. Let's make closet space!! Daniel notices the baby clothes in the box....dead babies are a theme on this show!!

Stefano encourages EJ to come up with something to get the kids back. Normally these matters are handled legally. EJ wants more time, which is actually reasonable, but Stefano says ONE HOUR! Does that mean the rest of the week on the show or within this episode? One Hour is confusing Days time.

Carly does not want to live there, and Daniel shuts her up by telling her to go see her patients. Carly DOES NOT work and Daniel's suggestion is just wrong. Chloe thinks its swell having Carly around....bitch code..."Carly's getting her ass kicked later." Daniel wants an explanation for the baby clothes. They totally could have been Chloe's summer outfits. Chloe likes to look at Baby outfits she bought in the past, she asks Daniel if it's a problem, and he says it's not. Actually IT IS a MENTAL issue.

Justin arrives at the hospital and Nathan is his doctor...that's just bad luck all around for Justin. Phillip says he saw the guy who did it, but can't give Roman any more information. That would be the information HE NEEDS! Adrienne says Justin was robbed. Chad lets Madeline know that someone was attacked like like his dad....wow is Chad going to be a cop because he just outdid them all by making a connection.

EJ and Sami are together and he's trying to bring up the whole GIVE ME BABIES NOW situation. He tells her things have changed and that he DID NOT throw out Stefano. Who needs a BREAK from EJ and Sami like the one Rafe and Sami are on?

Daniel is all of a slutttteeennnn Dr. Phil. He hugs Chloe and realizes that she has not been honest with him. He realizes Carly being there does not make Chloe happy, and she admits it like a good daught....I mean girlfriend. Daniel wants Chloe to talk to him....OMG he must be crazy to want to talk to her. She admits she is upset Carly gave him a baby and she cannot....Dude just go steal one or something!

Melanie and Stephanie are still talking and can't for the life of me understand why. Brief summary: Melanie wants Stephanie to shut up. Stephanie won't go away. The End.

Roman seems to be recruiting Chad for the police force because he tells his parents that Chad has a good theory about the assault.

EJ is still trying to work Sami. He brings up the fact that Stefano wants to see the kids...yeah so would the rest of the audience. They hide these kids like they are disfigured, ugly stepchildren. Bring on the SORASED youth!

Daniel and Chloe are being gross with one another. He says she was everything he wanted in a woman....that's real nice but he means boobs and butt, and he likes them slutty too. He just wants her, which is his way of saying Chloe should never breed. Chloe wants Daniel to have Melanie in his life, but she worries about him getting sucked into Carly's life. Carly's life just sucks, his sucks because of YOU. Daniel says that nothing will come between them.....until Sweeps.

Carly finds Adrienne and DING DING DING Carly has a female friend. Adrienne wants to be there for Carly...OMG I MAY CRY! Carly should sign up on Facebook she is so popular these days. Adrienne says that if Carly needs anything let her know...and Carly who doesn't understand that is what you say when you are being nice...takes her up on the favor.

Breaking News: Chad thinks something weird is going on with Madeline. Find out more later on Days!

EJ brings up Stefano as the Grandfather of the Year Recipient. Does Sami take pills for hypertension because one day she is going to keel over? Sami does not understand EJ's argument....I think he lost her with the word "contrition." Sami thinks EJ is suffering from sleep deprivation......well the bags under his eyes are HUGE and all red. Sami says she forgives him this time, but EJ says um, actually TONIGHT would be a good time for the Don to see the future Mafia family.

Nathan talks to Carly...is this the Twilight Zone?? Why is she so popular now? He realizes Melanie is married....WOW Captain Obvious once again! He says he is dating Stephanie and feels lucky. Why did Carly have to be informed of all of this? Melanie and Stephanie are still talking too. Steph thinks it is unfair to Nathan to have to see Melanie everyday if she becomes a nursing student. Melanie thinks its unfair she cannot go to work because of Nathan, and Stephanie thinks she should stay home and breed. Somehow Melanie figures out that Nathan and Stephanie are back together and Steph is insecure. Who is happy there was at least no crying?

Sami hopes EJ is joking and does not understand his British humor....he is serious...she is not happy and refuses to bring the kids over to Stefano's. That did not go well for EJ.

Daniel and Chloe...OMG all that hair...and then Chloe's hair too! Carly calls Danny to let him know she is going to be torturing...I mean living with Adrienne now. So basically she will NOT be far away from Daniel's place. Daniel hangs up and continues with the spooning. Guessing telling Chloe is not on the top of his list?

Melanie and Stephanie........still not caring for some reason. Melanie can tell Stephanie read that letter and Steph admits it, but is not sorry. The fucking letter yet again! The letter that just needs to die a storyline death.

Justin wakes up and wonders what happened. Adrienne explains that he was mugged, and Justin adds that part of his brain is missing too. These attackers go for the head, which is kind of enjoyable on this program. Can we pick the victims?? Like let's do Days Victim, instead of American Idol, and we can vote for who gets attacked next? Adrienne says she is going to stay with Justin, and he says she does not have to.

Kate and Stefano are excited children will be in their house.....that sounds wrong. Stefano is happy, but can tell Kate is bothered by something. Kate talks about the Madeline stare down.... which implies that Stefano KNOWS Madeline....HELLO!

Sami and EJ are arguing now...oh the good old days! Sami cannot believe he is serious and says anything between them is over. EJ insists he is sincere and has changed. Sami thinks the 180 he is doing is crazy.....as opposed to the 360 head turns your mom did when she was possessed by Satan?!

Daniel and Chloe still spooning....ugh! His double vision comes back, but he does not tell Chloe the truth. He just lectured her about how she should be honest with him, but then he lies!! MEN! Even worse...HAIRY MEN!

Adrienne leaves Justin's side.....because he is an asshole. Nathan tries to update her, but she says he is no longer her husband. Stephanie lectures Melanie about the letter....and of course, Phillip is listening outside. Stupid letter!

Stefano does not want Kate worrying about Madeline...tell me why she is worried!!! TELL ME!! Kate wonders if EJ fails at getting Sami to cooperate. EJ tells Samantha that something is going on and she has a right to know.................in the next episode and in the form of a big fat huge lie!

Previews: Roman tells Rafe to keep Sami away from the DiMeras....wow that would have been such great advice about TEN YEARS AGO!

Sami tells EJ to tell her the truth and it better be good.....you are seriously on the wrong show!! Even the lies are lame. Try General Hospital or Bold and the Beautiful where the lies are just fabulous and the truth is just as delicious.

Stefano says to Kate that he will destroy him.....do we get popcorn for that?? We never got out freaking popcorn that was implied and/or promised!

All My Bologna

Chloe and Nicole talk at the Cafe about how evil Doctor Carly Manning is taking over the town of Salem with her non working and social foot in mouth disease. We must destroy her immediately with finger pointing and backstabbing.

Hope has Bo/Carly makeout session flashbacks.....see even Hope wants to see more of that! Carly is for some bat shit crazy reason...in Victor's house. Perhaps Manning has a death wish, and she herself is afraid for an axe to fall. Victor actually has a collection of hanging axes from his ceiling. Hope asks about Kimberly....hey how about calling your sister in law yourself and asking her how she is doing?! She asks how it got this bad.....does she mean this show?

Sami came in and yelled at Stefano...I am now tone deaf and will not be recapping the rest of this show. Dammit there is closed captioning! Stefano says that EJ has something to say to Sami.....my guess is it will be as equally boring as we suspect.

Brady and Arianna are in bed......well there goes the vision! Brady apparently does not laugh during sex...and I'm not buying that lie. Arianna wants to leave, and Brady wants her to stay.....run before he is ready to go again.

Chloe tells Nicole about plan D.I.E......and guess what she is shocked by Daniel's stupidity as well. They need a plan to counteract the effects of one Carly Manning, and any power she may have over the residents of Salem..particularly men. What they do not know is that Carly has been poisoning the town's water supply and giving people nice towards Carly pills. She must be stopped.

Carly tells Hope that Bo left messages but Hope never returned them. Hope does not like the way Carly is speaking to her...Fancy Face ain't happy and you can not talk to the acid vat survivor like that! Carly is letting Hope know she is going to tell her off....another stupid idea.

Sami wants to know what's going on....the million dollar question everyone asks about Days of Our Lives. Sami is angry about the Will moving in with Stefano scenario. Well now EJ is going to move back home too so Sami is going to be all alone with her kids....YES..that would be her worst nightmare. Does it upset anyone else that Sami has seen Frankenstein.....yet dates Rafe? Anyways Stefano says Sami cannot trust EJ, leaving Sami more confused....but not more than usual because she saves those for when she gets pregnant.

Adrienne is at the Cheatin' Heart.....not playing Bonnie! Rudely Justin decides to throw her an envelope...she was right there and you could have handed it to her. Thought she was leaving town by the way, didn't she say goodbye to Stephanie?

Chloe admits she does not think that Carly wants Daniel....yeah and most people don't want him either. She admits she twisted Carly's words to make her look bad to Melanie. Nicole is so proud that the idiot finally did something right.

Hope and Carly are Princess fighting....except Carly is the REAL Princess so she is going to win. Carly admits that Hope drives her nuts....I just want Hope to eat a bag of nuts dammit. Carly says that Bo misses that little serial killer, but Hope does not want the little scary kid to be around a murderer. Maybe Carly can give her future pointers. Hope says that Carly should be thankful that she was having problems with Bo, because he never would have thought of Carly if not for Hope leaving him. Carly agrees with that summary....so ESSENTIALLY Carly is Bo's second choice and she is okay with that. Talk about Self-Esteem issues.

Stefano wants to make popcorn....That would be amazing to watch Stefano eat popcorn compared to the other shit they show. Stefano wants to play his EJ is Bad DVD. Sami wonders what is on it, and EJ has an Anna flashback. It's a Flashback kind of day!

Cheatin' Heart is having problems and Justin is telling Adrienne about them all....how about the name, it needs a name change? Justin thinks she should stay in town and run the place...oh THAT's why she is staying??!! Why not make her hit her head and call herself Bonnie again?

Chloe still can't figure out why Nicole is in town, but really she does know and tries to get it out of Nicole like a dumb twelve year old. This episode must be sponsored by Oscar Meyer because Brady was compared to Bologna and their jingle. Meanwhile, Arianna is talking and giving me a headache. Brady writes out a big check to get Nicole out of town...um RUDE, Nicole is my favorite townsperson. That was Brady's smartest move because now Arianna wants a Brady Sandwich and yes I'm keeping the Bologna theme.

That DVD better not get it's own music and closeups like the letter opener. Props get jealous! Stefano is going to start the DVD, and hopefully this time he leaves out the part where he does not understand technology. Sami says she will not believe whatever is on the DVD....RUDE what if it was about Global Warming?? Global Warming is Real Samantha!

Justin sucks at pool too, because Adrienne wants to play him. Justin says he sucks at pool because he is rich and Adrienne was from the other side of the tracks....Offended!! I'm poor and I suck at pool...what went wrong?

Hope brings up Zack again.....like Mia she likes to discuss dead children. Bo retreats into the past when things go bad.....kind of like Hope does when she has 80s flashbacks of Bo on that damn boat and with the big hair and shoulder pad sweaters. Carly does not know what it's like to lose a son......um, she does!! BAD WRITING!!!! She thought Nicky was dead for most of his life, now she doesn't even see him!! She says it's unfair for her to say Bo has affairs, while Hope is grieving....then brings up PATRICK!!! OOOOOOOO Someone went and actually looked at old Days episodes and knows what she is talking about!!! Hope is annoyed Bo talked about their past with Carly...well what else were they going to talk about? Hope says Carly killed her own marriage, and then Hope's, but that Bo will be alone in the end. And this is why we leave the catfights to other people....because this is a BAD ONE that needs a slap somewhere.

Arianna holds the check and talks to herself....waste of time! Nicole admits she came to town for a future with Brady. Nicole is going to make sure that Brady does not marry that boring drug dealer girl. Nicole needs to really make sure that the writers give her a better storyline.

EJ takes care of Sami, and says he does not know what is on the DVD, but somehow gets the crazy to leave. Stefano comments that EJ is luck Samantha is a stubborn bitch. Stubborn Bitches are notorious for being fabulous in the bedroom. Stefano says he wants EJ to take responsibility......for the baby kidnapping, not anything else horrible he did in the past.

Justin thinks Adrienne thinks she is going to win because he used to let her win. Why are you surprised this lady wants to divorce you Justin, you suck!! Adrienne is surprised that he used to do that so he could nail her later.....well that made my stomach turn. Adrienne decides this would be a good time to bring up Hope...maybe the pool stick reminded her of Hope...same size and all.

Chloe remembers the days when she was the other woman in the Brady/Nicole/Chloe love triangle. Yes, Chloe thanks for reminding the audience you have slept with almost all the men in town. Nicole thinks Brady still wants her, and ewww she is right and can totally do better than BRADY! Nicole is going to prove Arianna sucks, and Arianna comes in wishing Nicole luck in doing that....thus proving that SHE SUCKS!!

Sami informs Brady about the Will situation. Can we just hate on EJ instead? Stefano says everything he did was his love for EJ....wow imagine if he hated him, how much worse would he have treated him? EJ says that if he really loved him, they would keep things between them.....that is what people say when they have a social disease.

Adrienne wants to sign her paperwork...thanks!Carly has loved Bo since she first met him...he was the only high schooler with a beard. Carly loves Bo, and Bo loves Carly...nothing will change that.....until Sweeps. At least she calls her a Martyr because all Hope needs is a cross and some nails at this point. Carly leaves, and Hope has a headache and says she is not eating....are we surprised?

Chloe decides to leave Ari and Nicole alone.....thus proving she is lame and a bad friend for not staying to back up Nicole. Anyways, Arianna presents Nicole with the check to get the hell out of town...hopefully Nicole realizes she is worth more than that and stays. Or maybe she will accept a trade for an actor to be named later from a soap opera that gives her more screentime.

Sami is on the EJ love train again, but the train is EMPTY. Brady brings up how EJ living there has screwed up Sami and Rafe's relationship.....No, Sami did that all by herself. Brady of all people has to remind Sami that she has four kids....six if you count EJ and Rafe. Brady basically says the same things that Roman said only with less mumbling and more facial movement: Stefano and EJ are DiMeras...DUH! Speaking of DiMera's Stefano is proud of EJ...Oh CRAP ON A STICK!

Justin says there was nothing between him and Hope.....yes ZERO chemistry. Adrienne decides to talk like a drunken sailor and say dirty tumbling references that make no sense. And the thought of Justin and Hope just made me and Adrienne ill. She signs the papers, and he leaves while she cries. However, Justin is in trouble because he walks down strange alleys and hopefully he gets hit with a bat.

Nicole tells Arianna to thank Brady for her, and wants to know when the wedding is. Arianna explains they are not looking to rush, and Nicole is glad Brady took her advice. Arianna explains it was all her decision and that Nicole should not mess with her. Mess with her Nicole...mess with her!!

Sami is making no sense....more so than usual! Apparently she is standing on her own two feet! Brady wants to know why Will is moving out, and she explains it's because of EJ. Brady wants her to throw the bum out and Sami says he is not a bum. Brady thinks it is obvious EJ is going after Sami. Really hate it when Brady makes sense and is the smarter of two people in a conversation.

Stefano is all proud that EJ is a real DiMera and fooled everyone. Stefano gives him the DVD afterwards because he is THAT proud of EJ's skills. Stefano respects EJ, and this storyline has officially hit a wall. Elvis played it well....yeah but the Real Elvis is dead, and stupid EJ is not even close to being punished.

Chloe leaves a message for Daniel, and walks in to see Carly moving in. DUMBEST IDEA EVER. Carly will do her best to stay out of Chloe's way.....THEN MOVE OUT!

Adrienne hears a ruckus and runs to see what's going on. She finds Justin more unconscious that usual, and calls him Baby. That would be cute if it was anyone other than Justin.

Arianna wants Nicole to take the check and leave. Nicole tells her that there is no such thing as fairy tales, and that this is real life. If Days of Our Lives was real life we'd all be married to each other, and I'd have come back from the dead more than the two times I already have.

Apparently Sami made a promise to God.....This disturbs me. EJ has changed....suit check, oily hair check, blinking check, blind rages check.....yeah he has not changed at all. Brady reminds her what he did to John and that he had Brady beaten up. Well those things we enjoyed though! Bad Examples! Sami thinks we are seeing the real EJ....if this is the real EJ can we have the fake one back?

Stefano thinks EJ has become a man....didn't he have sex like years ago? It took a faux kidnapping and not having two children to make EJ a man. EJ asks if this stays between them, but Stefano has more that he wants in return....

Previews: Adrienne holds Justin and screams that he is not responding...sorry but isn't that what the EMT is supposed to scream? or even Daniel? Not your job Adrienne, go serve some beer!

Stefano tells EJ he wants the children in the house in an hour. Sounds like something out of a child molestation television movie. That means EJ has about 8 hours because Days time works differently than real time.

Kate tells Sami that her and EJ have underestimated Stefano DiMera. Apparently she also thought that they forgot his last name. Maybe everyone in town suffers from memory loss and total recall of all things false.

One of THOSE Episodes of Days to Live Through

Chloe and Phillip observe the Danny/CarCar/Mel bonding session all over again. Melanie likes Carly all of a slutten, and let's place bets as to how long this will last. Chloe wants to talk, Daniel does not.....Daniel loses because Chloe will cut off his balls if he does not go talk to her. Carly somehow thinks HEY maybe this is not a good idea of sleeping over! Daniel decides to go talk to Chloe so the threesome in his mind can proceed. Vivian notices that Carly has no man around....she only has two people, and is not sleeping with the whole town. That is Chloe and Sami's job! Melanie notices Chloe's bitch face, and Phillip says Carly is a problem. Holy Heart Attack Batman..Melanie says its more complicated than that! She keeps defending her mom and Carly might start thinking she loves her or something.

Nathan sees Stephanie playing pool......Shit it's going to be one of THOSE DAYS.

Sami is complaining to Roman how her life sucks.....yep one of THOSE DAYS!

EJ admits to Stefano that he was behind the kidnapping. Stefano seems disgusted which is funny considering all the shit Stefano has pulled. Stefano thinks Sami will get the kids...EJ can still get custody...Sami screws up THAT much that it's not a sure win. EJ says Stefano is not using the DVD, and he is going to stop him by any means necessary....old man. Had to throw in the OLD MAN part just to annoy Stefano..who CLEARLY semi dyes his beard.

Kate and Will are planning his move to La Casa Di DiMera. It's all Will's decision to move there, but Will worries his mother will be a vindictive bitch and not let him see his sister if he moves there.

Sami tells Roman about the Will situation, and how everyone hates her because EJ lives there now. Roman says she is an idiot. NOW you call her that! TOO LATE! Rafe is mad at her because she lied for him, and Roman is angry she lied to the police. Roman asks Sami if she knows what the root of her problems is...what is he Marlena now?? Sami guesses RIGHT and says her problem is HERSELF. Roman ruins everything though and blames EJ. Um, while EJ sucks...Sami's problem is SAMI!

EJ needs to stop throwing around chess pieces....it's RUDE and he is harming the props. Stefano wants to show the DVD, EJ says it does not leave the room. And just as I was about to comment that there HAS to be more than one copy..of course Stefano confirms that. EJ won't let him do that and is essentially going to kill Stefano. That is STUPID. Stefano DOES NOT die!

Carly thinks Vivian looks bad...well yeah we all do. And who are you Carly to be throwing stones with your outfit choices? She asks Vivian if she's sick...maybe she can recommend a doctor who actually works there. Vivian brings up Bo's trip and how Carly's all alone, but Carly feels safe. Viv comments that Larry was safe until he got gutted by his wife....well DETAILS. Larry was so crazy he didn't worry about being safe or not...he worried about flicking his cigarettes at Carly! Daniel walks up and says he is going to have Vivian committed....however, he sees two Vivians so the choice of which one is going is going to be difficult.

Gaby.....ONE OF THOSE DAYS! Madeline listens to Gaby defend her brother, then explains that whatever happens not to blame Chad for anything. She tells Gaby that Chad defended Rafe....um, is she trying to get her son laid? Chad admits he does not think Rafe did it because he is not a violent person........just stupid.

Kate tells Will not to worry about his siblings. Will thinks its weird he is moving in with the DiMeras because EJ moved into Sami's....funny how that works and thanks for the big waste of time. Sami starts complimenting EJ to Roman...OMG I'd move out too Will! Roman has to remind Sami that DiMera's DO NOT CHANGE. They should take tips from Obama. Stefano seems confused by the fact EJ is threatening to kill him. EJ has to spell it out that is exactly what he is doing. Sami is still defending EJ...can someone kill her? Rafe does not accept Sami for who she is and EJ does. That is because EJ is not picky and likes his rape victim's to stay the same!

Will feels like there is something wrong................ONE OF THOSE DAYS!

Stephanie is on a date......good she needs sex in a bad way with someone who knows what they are doing. She introduces Nathan to her date, and Nathan is a jackass. He butts in and says Stephanie has plans and cannot go out with him. Um, RUDE and not attractive...oh wait this is Nathan we are talking about.

Phillip wants Melanie to give Chloe a break....anyone else you've slept with that you want her to like? Melanie must have had her Wheaties because she is making more sense than usual. She has no problem with Chloe...it's CHLOE who has a problem with CARLY. She should play lotto she sounds so smart. Daniel says that while he is committing Vivian, he'll throw in Victor too for marrying her, and Carly is giggling like a 5 year old. Carly tells him to leave, and he does so with that Chloe woman GRRRRR! Vivian starts with her comments and Carly shuts her up. Carly used a knife on Lawrence but she gonna use a syringe on Viv. FINALLY CARLY stands up for herself. Yet then she backs down and wants Vivian to live so she can torture her by telling her stories....um, nice backhanded slap to yourself

Nathan is aggressive with Steph's date and decides to touch him inappropriately. Date boy leaves to make a phone call. Stephanie asks Nathan who he thinks he is.....no one cares!!!

Roman tries to explain to Sami that she is still being an idiot. DiMera's NEVER forgive people. EJ continues to tell Stefano that he is going to kill him. Then decides to disown his father. Normally you can kill people and not disown them beforehand. Usually the person dying is aware that you are not fond of them if you are killing them.

Daniel and Chloe are at the pub...who doesn't need a drink when they are around Chloe? He brings up the DUMBEST IDEA EVER. I should just refer to it as D.I.E from now on. It kind of fits the situation actually.

Vivian thinks Carly is going crazy...pot meet kettle Viv. And just when you thought that Carly's days of having a man fight her battles were over...YOU WERE WRONG!!! Phillip saves Carly from Vivian. Vivian says that everyone takes Carly's side.....um, NOT on this show? Is there a character named "Everyone" because that is the dumbest statement and to make Vivian say that...SHAME ON YOU WRITERS! Melanie asks Carly a favor...she wants to be a nurse again! Carly is so excited she almost tackles her kid inappropriately with a bear hug.

Kate and Will leave as Chad, Mad, and Gab walk in. Mad is really nice to Gaby which makes me extremely suspicious because there is no reason to be nice to that little brat. Will asks about how Chad's dad is doing, and him and Chad talk. Madeline and Kate have a weird little stare down......oh they must be in a cougar club together! That or they were both prostitutes at the same time.

Speaking of clubs, Sami thinks Roman, Rafe and Brady should start We hate EJ club...too late the fans of the show formed that a while back! Also, you would think that everyone hating EJ would be a BIG TIP that he is not good news. Sami is doing what she can to keep things good between her and the father of her kids. Just EJ though and not the father of her other kids because he was written off the show.


Chloe is "fine" with Carly moving in, and Daniel senses that she is not being that sincere. Okay is the girl supposed to jump up and down with excitement? ....although I'm sure she does that for Daniel alot anyways. Chloe looks sooooooo annoyed! Daniel has to leave to go work and leaves Chloe all ALONE like she should be! Then, Chloe's best friend Father Matt rolls in. He Gangsta! Apparently Daniel and Chloe have been skipping their Pre-Cana sessions...and Jesus don't play that! He can tell something is wrong with Chloe because she has that I feel like crap look to her.

Phillip is considering making Melanie the reporter now....God this reporter storyline is riveting!

Speaking of pointless things....Nathan explains that Stephanie's date is a drug addict...WOW she knows how to pick them!

Sami comes home to find Will getting his shit together. Sami admits she overreacted and Will hits her with the revelation that he is not moving in with Lucas....but the DIMERAS! Stefano has no idea what is wrong with EJ...he's alive that's whats wrong. EJ picks up a letter opener to kill Stefano with and says he has to do it. HAHAHAHA letter opener is going to kill Stefano? that is a new one!

Wow even Father Matt thinks Plan D.I.E. is the most retarded thing he has ever heard. Why is Daniel the only one who does not see this?? Wow Matt calls Daniel a "clueless Dude." Who'd have thought I'd agree with a priest. Chloe then calls Carly a Manipulative Bitch..........*crickets*......*crickets*......um who actually uses the word bitch in front of a priest?? I'll tell you who....THE REAL BITCH! And Break out the holy water father!

Phillip wants Melanie to be the roving reporter. Can they please stop saying ROVING REPORTER?? Melanie seems to be enjoying the idea of being on television. However, she wants to be a nurse, but there is more to it. Who is going to the roving reporter then?? CLIFFHANGER!

Stephanie and Nathan...again. Not even going to bother..do we really have to? Although the kinky music is fun to listen to.

Madeline is STILL being nice to Gaby....still confused as to why but this is NOT REAL! She calls her lovely and EWW. Chad questions what his parents would think of her. Madeline thinks she is too young for Chad....she wants him to date OLDER WOMEN? Chad says hi to Kate, and this freaks Madeline out and she stops paying attention. Chad wonders what that was about but she changes the subject to Will, and how Chad should avoid the DiMeras. Kate stares from the outside, and Madeline looks worried. Another stare down! If Chad proves to be a DiMera like I always said.....bitches better give me a medal!

Sami says will cannot stay with the DiMeras....and Will points out that it's okay for EJ to stay with her. Sami reminds him its temporary...he responds he will stay at Stefano's temporarily...Omg Will is making sense and is doing a good job! OMG What show is this??! Sami says over her dead body...and Will didn't have to kill her or anything and just left!! Wow Will really is older than Sami...at least mentally. My eyes actually hurt after the bad lighting in that scene.

Stefano's goon comes in and checks on things, but Stefano tells him to leave. Stefano asks if they have a problem, and EJ says not for long. Now the letter opener gets its own sound effects AND close ups. Can we give it a name too?? Like Pointy or Jimmy?

Um, Father Matt DID NOT yell at Chloe for the BITCH comment. What kind of priest is this? And EWW she just LIED to the priest and said she would have an honest talk with Daniel. Chloe says she hates Carly's stupid guts....wow she turned 5...good for her! Vivian overhears and welcomes her to the club. What is with the club theme today?? And if Vivian and Chloe team up, that is another STUPID idea.

Melanie thinks working at the hospital will get her closer to her Dad........oh yeah, and that Carly lady too who kind of had her in a painful way. See here is where Melanie goes wrong. NOT working while standing around the hospital will get them closer to her. All Phillip wants is for her to be happy.....and also sex.

Nathan thinks Stephanie is "special". Agree completely....she is ......"special" He is still obsessed with Melanie, but asks Stephanie out anyway. She makes out with him.....WTF? He's just not that into you, but you make out with him anyway?

EJ cannot bring himself to stab Stefano with the letter opener. What a wimp!! Loser! He even throws the faux knife away. Now they are grabbing each other and breathing heavily....Stefano says he will always love him.....this is NOT a love scene. Sami comes in without knocking like she owns the place AGAIN! She wants to know what the hell they are doing. EJ gets up and decides its a good time to look out the window and cry. Good plan!!


Previews: Nicole tells Chloe she needs to face this head on and fight back. Well assuming this is about Carly. Funny thing is Nicole just made Carly sound like a disease that an entire village has to combat.

Carly and Hope. Carly admits that Hope drives her nuts, and Hope is glad she does. Okay, Hope drives EVERYONE nuts....so don't think you are so special Manning! Though Hope sucks in general, it's nice to see her giving Carly a hard time. You would think she would attempt to stick it to her husband's mistress eventually.

Stefano holds the DVD and says the feature will begin. Do.......we.......get........popcorn?

General Hospital has the Better Surgical Team

Carly is at the hospital...NOT WORKING and on the phone with Danny. She does not want to move in with him....maybe because it is the WORST IDEA IN THE HISTORY OF IDEAS! When Carly suggests your idea is stupid...it HAS to be pretty bad! The only positive to this whole plan is that Chloe will be upset...but they we will have to hear her whiny butt. Daniel says he will talk to Chloe, and of course Chloe is like talk to me about what? Chloe needs a warm cup of SHUT UP!

Chad and Gaby are now hanging at the Pub...was the Cafe full? They bicker about whether or not Rafe is guilty of hitting Chad's dad. Who cares? Sami goes into the Police Station like she owns the fucking joint! RUDE! Why is she always given special treatment? Rafe and Hope are still talking to one another...it's a nightmare. Rafe calls D.A. a slimeball...anyone else shocked Rafe knew a big word? Hope reminds him that he is being taped and should not say such retarded things! She asks where he was last night...that sounded like a come on....OMG Hope and Rafe should hook up and have babies...thereby creating the ultimate nightmare!

Stefano says he knows that EJ took Sydney. EJ wants to know how many people he told......that's not a weird question. Where is the denials that waste about 55 minutes of the episode? Sami is unable to see Rafe...OMG someone is doing their jobs!! Abe comes over and has to deal with Sami in that freaking out mode she has. What did Abe ever do to deserve this? My Mayor is not this active!! In defense of Rafe, Sami says he would never attack that weasel....Remind me never to have Sami on my side. Abe tells her she is stupid because he actually did the other day. Rafe tells Hope he was alone the night before......poor guy needs to get laid.

Stefano is shocked that is all EJ has to say for himself. EJ says that he reacted the same way when he discovered Stefano's role in the baby switch..um Stefano acted better actually and was more compelling. Stefano is annoyed because EJ made it look like Sydney died...from Stefano's hitory guessing that its only okay to do that when it's an adult. EJ says she is not dead and again asks how many people know. At this rate Stefano should just list random people...like oh my butcher, the mailman, my florist, the goons, etc. EJ guesses that he told no one, and Stefano says he will tell people...way to give yourself away!! EJ doesn't think Stefano will tell anyone because he would look like an idiot.....well EJ looks like an idiot so he got that covered for the both of them.

Phillip and Melanie come over Daniel and Chloes place and this is going to be gross, awkward family bonding time. Convinced that Chloe wants Melanie to call her mommy! Daniel thanks Chloe for the idea of them all getting together....Are they going to reminisce about Chloe and Phillip's sexy times too?? Meanwhile Carly is now STILL NOT WORKING..and on the phone with Bo. Oh great she gets to talk to Maggie next. Things just get worse and worse for Carly.

Sami thinks Rafe didn't do it. Abe says they have to prove that Rafe did not do it. Yes, that is usually how it works. However.....WHY AREN'T THE COPS DOING THAT??! Why is the Mayor involved dammit?!! And why is he encouraging Sami, she is not a cop!! Even Hope is annoyed with Rafe who fell off the special bus and into the interrogation room. He says he took a walk the night before. Why not flat out lie and say you read a book?

EJ thinks no one will believe Stefano, and Stefano disagrees. EJ says that Stefano will never see the grandchildren again...YOU ALREADY threatened him with that!!! Stefano will make EJ pay...with his balls on a platter please!!

Maggie tries to butt in and find out what Bo and Carly were talking about...at least she is a consistant nosy person. Carly tells her everything...why not tell her Kimberly's blood type and Social Security information while you are at it. Carly is so happy to talk to someone she tells her everything! Maggie wonders about Carly with Bo gone...funny how everyone thinks Carly cannot survive without Bo...she STABBED HER HUSBAND!! Just because she cannot dress herself does not mean she cannot take care of herself. Carly says that Bo wants her to stay with Daniel...because the guy who can't see straight is going to protect her.

Chloe did not even cook her guests at dinner because she cannot cook...besides singing can she do anything else?? She might literally be useless. Phillip and Melanie clear the table...living at Maggie's is like a sweat shop and they are well trained. Daniel tells Chloe he is happy to bond with Melanie.....he must have hit his head harder than we thought.

Abe looks at Wood's statement and says that Rafe better have a good alibi. Rafe says he went to walk in the woods to think.........*crickets*.........*crickets*....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG Rafe went somewhere to THINK?! Hope might even be shocked and she calls him out on it. She thinks he is hiding something...yeah he does not know how to think!! Sami then picks up the file and looks at it...again thinking she OWNS the place!! Can someone step in and tell this woman off besides her child?

EJ doubts Stefano's skills...that's your biggest mistake right there! Stefano calls EJ out for being cruel and torturing people...it must be like looking in a mirror for Stefano then. EJ blames it all on Anna and says he will have Stefano institutionalized for dementia if he says otherwise. Beginning to think this show causes dementia!

Daniel has to go to the hospital to perform emergency surgery...LAWSUIT!! Chloe then comments that Daniel has double vision and that is not the best idea. Wow she remembered something! Melanie is going to drive her dad and wants to sit in on the surgery....um NEPOTISM!! and Rude she is just a nurse, that is not fair! Chloe wonders what Daniel wanted to talk about and realizes it was about Carly....Chloe's least favorite subject. Someone has to smack that look that Chloe always makes off her face.

Hope is going to try to help Rafe out with his alibi...maybe someone saw him thinking really hard in the woods and was afraid he was having a seizure. Rafe then feels the need to complain about the D.A. again!! Something tells me this guy is going to die and Rafe is going to get arrested! Abe thankfully catches Sami reading the file. ARREST HER!! SAVE THE CHILDREN! Sami thinks she can prove Rafe is innocent...oh she is a detective now?!!

EJ says that the FBI cannot prove that he took Sydney, so there is no way Stefano can. Stefano is more powerful than the FBI dummy!!! He could take out Bin Laden if he wanted. Stefano points out that he is smarter than the FBI...well yeah America really does not have he smartest people working there...seriously RAFE? Now EJ wants Stefano to basically retire to Florida. Unleashing Kate and Stefano in Florida is DANGEROUS! Then Stefano whips out.......GUTTER PEOPLE...that he might have proof!

Phillip is playing CEO of the company. Chloe wonders what all the big words he used means. He explains that Victor put him in charge and a tv anchor quit...he suggest CHLOE fill in. OH GOD! He has to promise her she won't die and everything. She says her full time job is to be with Daniel....funny that is what a stalker would say too! Meanwhile Daniel and Carly discuss surgery like they know what they are talking about....they dumb! Melanie follows them in really excited and peppy...is this much family allowed in one operating room? Are there not laws?

Chad visits his dad and mommy. Mom's name is Madeline...ANOTHER M NAME...is this an inside joke?? He brought chili from the pub which means the D.A. will die of gas. Abe calls him to let him know that Rafe is being questioned, and the D.A. is bringing in a special person to take care of Rafe. Abe puts the D.A. in his place and reminds him that HE IS THE MAYOR....which essentially means Mayor > D.A. Charlie from Empty Nest is annoyed he got threatened and Chad wonders if it was really Rafe who attacked him. OF COURSE IT'S NOT RAFE!! That would be too easy.

Sami says Rafe was with her...LIES! Hope says they will release Rafe once they corroborate Sami's story, but Rafe pretty much ruins everything because he is a dumbass. Hope asks Rafe what he and Sami were doing the previous night...um, hello..rude question its called SEX Hope. Rafe starts talking about them being on a break...DUMBASS!

Stefano gets on the computer and still wondering who taught him how to use one! He pulls up a video of Anna. Anna basically admits everything, the whole plot, even the BOOTS! Stefano has EJ nailed to the wall....thinkin' he meant to say "I have your balls nailed to the wall" but we'll take what we can get!

Oh God its Days' surgery time....someone might die from everyone in scrubs alone. Daniel is telling Carly what to do..which isn't any different from life outside the surgical room. While this is the lamest surgery ever, Carly somehow manages to pull through and save the patient. Was anyone else holding their breath out of fear? Daniel says Carly did it..she says WE DID IT...yeah we know, and next time use protection. Melanie thinks they make a good team, and Daniel thinks they make a good product. Cut to all the nurses and camera crew throwing up from the crap that just came out of all three of their mouths. That was worse than cheesy....Many people just caught Diabetes.

The D.A. is lecturing Chad and says he should think with his head and not with his.....and that is the just another exaple of how a dirty word could have been used on this show but they FAIL! Momma steps in, and have I mentioned today how much I like her. Maybe she put a hit out on her husband because he sucks.

Sami tries to cover up the stupid that is Rafe, but no one is that powerful. Rafe tells her that lying is a NO NO. Hope points out that Rafe now needs a lawyer...if it's Justin that is stupid..is he the only lawyer left in town? Hope leaves and Sami says she knows Rafe did not do it. STAND BY YOUR MAN......BA DA DA DA DA DA DA.

EJ probably has dirty underwear but thinks the video is meaningless. Stefano says he will bring Anna back to confirm everything. However, Stefano wants to give Sami and Rafe a call. Maybe he wants to invite them to dinner, go to the park with them, or catch a flick!

Maggie gets a visit from Hope....poor Maggie. Apparently Hope know NOTHING about the Kimberly situation...Personally I think it was Rude of SeeWhoreA not to share that information with her mom.

Chloe sets an alarm so she knows when Daniel has to take his pills....is she 80? Daniel left his medication there so Phillip and Chloe decide to go to the hospital to give them to him......where of course things will get awkward. Carly meets with the happy little family in the waiting area!! Someone get a camera to capture the Kodak moment. Melanie is so happy...and Daniel says Carly did a great job...can this get any worse?? What is going to make Melanie freak out eventually because we all know she will?

Rafe cannot let Sami lie for him. Sami takes this as an excuse to freak out once again! She loves him, he loves her, but that is NOT ENOUGH! Meanwhile EJ is shaking in his undies, and Stefano says he is going to lose his kids. EJ does not know what to do and Stefano wants him to tell the truth. What does "truth" mean?? Never heard of it! Do they feature it on the show a great deal?

Maggie knows that Bo left messages for Hope...is she tapping phone lines now? Hope apparently erased the messages...it's part of her daily quest to become an even bigger moron. Maggie explains that she ran into Carly who told her everything. Then Maggie lectures Hope on how she cannot shut Bo out....go TEAM CARLY! Hope tries to make excuses but ends up relenting that she HAS TO get along with Bo for that little serial killer they are raising.

Carly and Melanie are bonding and are going to take care of Big Daddy! Luckily Chloe and Phillip walk in to make things more interesting, and by interesting I mean stopping the stupid conversation from continuing. Chloe of course is NOT HAPPY to see Carly with her family....yes that is HER FAMILY! Dear Chloe, Step Off BITCH! Thanks. Mess.

Chad and his mom are at the PIER..maybe trying to score some drugs? Chad is sad. Chad is not glad. Chad's mom tries to cheer him up. Gaby shows up. Now everyone is sad. Chad's mom likes Gaby and she must be a drug addict to be interested in Gaby. Something smells rotten in the state of Salem....aside from EJ.

Sami is still in denial that her and Rafe are over. Wow who knew it was this hard to break up with Sami? CLINGY! Rafe explains that it is not about love...yeah it's about Sami being an annoying fuck up. Rafe does not see how they can get past that....its called Sweeps!

Well it took the whole hour, and if anyone really stuck around and watched the whole thing...EJ admits that he kidnapped Sydney. Stefano then tells him he will regret it....yeah we have been WAITING FOR THAT!!

Previews: Carly tells Vivian to shut up alot. Who gave Carly Manning a backbone?? Again out of nowhere! If I were Vivian I would talk alot just to spite Carly and the rude Shut up attack. Vivian is a talker and will not shut up...tell shut up to like Hope, Melanie or Chloe. Worry about the younger bitches in your life!

Stefano wonders how EJ will stop him, and EJ says by any means necessary. Silly EJ! Stefano CANNOT DIE! Go right ahead and stab the man, he will be back and you will still be screwed. The Phoenix is going to poop on you and your Brooks Brothers suit!

Sami says he changed and Roman says that DiMera's don't change. Gee wonder who they talking about?? Funny thing is EJ NEVER CHANGES! His clothes are always the same so dammit Roman is right. EJ needs to hit his head and become a nice guy because right now he still sucks.