Wednesday, April 14, 2010

One Life to Live: The Stefano is "ill" Edition

Stefano and Kate await the arrival of their grandchildren as EJ is working Sami at the moment to get them back. They should have a Botox party while they are waiting because they are not getting any younger. Also, can we see other rooms in that Mansion?? Missing secret passageways over here! EJ tells Sami that something is going on and it is time to know the truth. Sami thinks she has it figured out, and isn't that just cute of her to try. No Sami you are stupid and you couldn't figure anything out if someone paid you to.

Phillip overhears the Letter business all over again, as Stephanie and Melanie are fighting. He walks in and asks what it going on. Melanie is very bad at lying so this should be interesting. Will there be a panic attack and tears in our future?

Roman and Rafe are talking. Give me 10 minutes to decipher what they are saying. Most people don't speak grunt and mumbling. Seems that because of the Justin attack, Rafe is off the hook so he is free to leave. He wants to talk to Rafe about Sami. Roman wants to talk about Sami...he really has an unhealthy obsession with his daughter.

Kate wants to know what Stefano has on EJ. Has she learned nothing from the Godfather movies?? You don't ask about the business. We get a flashback to the big reveal of Stefano knowing about EJ the kidnapper. He is not going to tell her yet what he has on EJ. What is important is that Stefano is getting his family when is Kate going to get her style back? Meanwhile Sami realizes that EJ will never change.....his clothes or his attitude! The blinking though can be fixed if he goes to a specialist.

Melanie receives flowers from Phillip and Stephanie thankfully LEAVES! Phillip pretends to not know what's going on...unlike most other people on this show who never really know what is going on. Melanie has scissors in her hand and is anyone else worried at the potential danger she is in? Phillip wants the truth from Melanie, because he looks like he will strangle her if she lies.

Roman wants Rafe to save Sami for the 80 millionth time. Yeah...NO!

Kate explains to Stefano that his plan is ridiculous because EJ will need time to get the children away from their mother and this Stefano is being unreasonable. When did Kate start making sense? JESUS! Stefano thinks she is a party pooper! If EJ does not deliver Stefano will destroy taking away his hair gel!

Sami cannot believe she was such an idiot.....well you were you gullible butthead! Sami wants EJ to be honest about why he pulled this 180 with a McTwist. She says she wants the truth and it better be good......Okay that is a clear invitation to just tell a flat out lie if you ask me!

Phillip is angered by Melanie not telling him the truth, so he is being a little fake. Not CHLOE fake, just regular normal fake. Melanie is such a bad liar. She is being MORE clumsy and rambling much more than usual. Those damn flowers are going to die if she is not careful. Phillip says he loves her and Melanie says she loves him. Awwwww Phillip is sad, and his wife is a liar in love with a huge dork. Poor bastard.

Arianna shows up at the station with a FUGLY green shirt on. For an ex-con she goes to that station way to much! She wants to get Rafe out of there, who suggests they go to the Cheatin' Heart. My brother and I do not go to bars together....I consider us normal and these two freaking weird.

Stefano does not appreciate Kate's advice. He has also had it with all the sentimental crap he is are you on the wrong show. Too bad he missed the Family Operating Room love. Stefano resents all the evil crap EJ said to him, so if he does not follow through on bringing the children home then EJ will be dead to him. Why can't he be dead like NOW?

Sami and EJ are still arguing......however, Sami's big old chest scratch bruise is distracting and looks like Ketchup now. EJ is trying to explain how he loved the time spent with Sami and the children, in a nice manner........okay still looking at that bruise JESUS! Get some Cocoa Butter or some Neosporin and a bandage woman! Sami wants to know why it is okay for Stefano to be around her children. The real question: why is it okay FOR YOU to be around your children? EJ lies and says that Stefano is sick. Swine flu?

Phillip wants to know why things were so tense between Steph and Mel. They were so obvious that they were going to rip each other's heart out. He wants to know what their fight was this is a good husband! Stephanie gets a call from Nathan about their date. She is going to water plants and he is going to stand on the PIER like a moron. Thanks Days!

Stefano is pacing so much that Kate will get a chance to remodel the living room as well as the rest of the house. Kate explains that EJ has to persuade Sami and that takes time. Stefano cannot understand how whipped EJ is.......BEEN SAYING THAT FOR WEEKS! It is just as pathetic and gross and Stefano makes it out to be. Sami does not understand that when EJ said sick, he meant a disease, not a mental issue. He explains it has to do with Stefano's diabetes.....Stefano is going to live longer than Keith Richards does with his blood transfusions. Stefano interrupts them and says it is Game Over for EJ.....if only the storyline was over.

Melanie is truly obsessed with her vase of flowers and not dropping them or letting them go. Melanie says that she would rather not talk about the fight, but she will.......can she explain to us at least why she likes Nathan...still confused about that one!

Arianna is annoying Rafe, and the audience with her problems. She wants to help her brother with Sami...NO stay out of it, because you already have problems with Nicole! He says that he cannot help Sami anymore....Well Thank GOD! Too bad this revelation will probably only last a week. EJ is on the phone with Stefano and lets him know the kids will be over soon. Sami is NOT pleased and why can't she smack EJ around like she did with Nicole? EJ mentions their custody agreement and how it is his turn to ignore the children. Sami says fine, but she has to come along with RUDE way to invite yourself over.

Roman is Mr. Current Events. He reminds us that Steph is his niece, and that Kimberly is lucky that Bo is a match. He asks how Stephanie is, and she says things are looking up. If being with Nathan means things are looking up for her....girl needs some anti-depressants and some uppers. Melanie admits that Stephanie and her were fighting about Nathan, but does NOT mention the letter. She says that Phillip is stuck with her and he does not feel good after she said that.

The children arrive at Stefano's!!! Its ITALIAN FAMILY FUN NITE!! Where the gun play is kept to a minimum, but a shady deal or two goes down in the playroom. Sami says that Stefano does not look sick, and Stefano doesn't realize EJ is making faces and does not play along. To be fair to Stefano, EJ always has that constipated LIE PLEASE face on.

Phillip explains he knows Stephanie, including in the Biblical sense. Stephanie is not paranoid according to Phillip....WOW good thing he didn't marry her because CLEARLY he doesn't knows her at all. Melanie says she does not have feelings for Nathan...they why all the Nathan hallucinations? Melanie explains that the shooting made her realize how much she wanted Phillip, which sucks because the shooting was AFTER the wedding. Phillip is unsure of how she really feels, so she goes in for the hug and make out session combo. Melanie is one smart lady with that move!

Rafe and Arianna are still talking.....I'm not really paying attention anymore. Let's bring Passions back! There is some Nicole talk, then Sami talk, and Rafe cannot fix Sami.....not even the writers can. Apparently though Arianna thinks she can fix things between the two morons.

EJ explains Stefano's health a very LOUD AND OBVIOUS MANNER. Kate is even laughing in the background. Stefano explains that he is not sick, then says no one can know he is sick....this was a huge waste of time AGAIN! Stefano wants time with Sydney and poor Gianni gets thrown out of the room again. That little kid never gets a chance, and his sister does not even get airtime. After Sami leaves the room, Stefano explains he wants EJ to admit he is lying about the illness. Can this really get any worse?

Nathan and Stephanie are pimping ski trips where you don't leave the room and just have boring sex. Phillip and Melanie moved things to the bedroom where they are about to have good sex. Phillip says he is almost convinced that Melanie loves him...she just has to put out for him to know it is real. Now they are doing IT....and by IT I mean having sex during the commercial break.

Sami is ready to leave Stefano's and he explains that the kids are sleeping over. How did she not assume that was going to happen? The kids were supposed to stay with EJ THAT NIGHT. She truly caught being stupid from Rafe. Sami is really annoyed, and EJ's best excuse is that they have to stay over or it will ruin their routine. Someone has been reading Parents Magazine on the toilet. Sami says goodnight to Sydney, and Stefano says he will be putting her to sleep....make her watch this episode.

Phillip is drinking in bed, while watching Melanie sleep. It's kind of sexy and I enjoyed it......yes I'm a cheap date.

Arianna thinks that if Rafe solves the case, all will be right between him and Sami. She says she is stating the THAT'S MY JOB! Now I really don't like her because she is stealing my shit. At Stefano's everyone is wearing a shad of purple except EJ in his all black attire. These color themes on this show are really annoying at times. Kate shows Sami the way out and slams the door in Sami's face......enjoyed that actually. NBC should offer a tour where we get to do that to character's who tick us off. Stefano is all happy, and the episode ends with Sydney doing a sucky face maneuver. We are with you Sydney!




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