Monday, April 12, 2010

All My Bologna

Chloe and Nicole talk at the Cafe about how evil Doctor Carly Manning is taking over the town of Salem with her non working and social foot in mouth disease. We must destroy her immediately with finger pointing and backstabbing.

Hope has Bo/Carly makeout session flashbacks.....see even Hope wants to see more of that! Carly is for some bat shit crazy Victor's house. Perhaps Manning has a death wish, and she herself is afraid for an axe to fall. Victor actually has a collection of hanging axes from his ceiling. Hope asks about Kimberly....hey how about calling your sister in law yourself and asking her how she is doing?! She asks how it got this bad.....does she mean this show?

Sami came in and yelled at Stefano...I am now tone deaf and will not be recapping the rest of this show. Dammit there is closed captioning! Stefano says that EJ has something to say to guess is it will be as equally boring as we suspect.

Brady and Arianna are in bed......well there goes the vision! Brady apparently does not laugh during sex...and I'm not buying that lie. Arianna wants to leave, and Brady wants her to before he is ready to go again.

Chloe tells Nicole about plan D.I.E......and guess what she is shocked by Daniel's stupidity as well. They need a plan to counteract the effects of one Carly Manning, and any power she may have over the residents of Salem..particularly men. What they do not know is that Carly has been poisoning the town's water supply and giving people nice towards Carly pills. She must be stopped.

Carly tells Hope that Bo left messages but Hope never returned them. Hope does not like the way Carly is speaking to her...Fancy Face ain't happy and you can not talk to the acid vat survivor like that! Carly is letting Hope know she is going to tell her off....another stupid idea.

Sami wants to know what's going on....the million dollar question everyone asks about Days of Our Lives. Sami is angry about the Will moving in with Stefano scenario. Well now EJ is going to move back home too so Sami is going to be all alone with her kids....YES..that would be her worst nightmare. Does it upset anyone else that Sami has seen Frankenstein.....yet dates Rafe? Anyways Stefano says Sami cannot trust EJ, leaving Sami more confused....but not more than usual because she saves those for when she gets pregnant.

Adrienne is at the Cheatin' Heart.....not playing Bonnie! Rudely Justin decides to throw her an envelope...she was right there and you could have handed it to her. Thought she was leaving town by the way, didn't she say goodbye to Stephanie?

Chloe admits she does not think that Carly wants Daniel....yeah and most people don't want him either. She admits she twisted Carly's words to make her look bad to Melanie. Nicole is so proud that the idiot finally did something right.

Hope and Carly are Princess fighting....except Carly is the REAL Princess so she is going to win. Carly admits that Hope drives her nuts....I just want Hope to eat a bag of nuts dammit. Carly says that Bo misses that little serial killer, but Hope does not want the little scary kid to be around a murderer. Maybe Carly can give her future pointers. Hope says that Carly should be thankful that she was having problems with Bo, because he never would have thought of Carly if not for Hope leaving him. Carly agrees with that ESSENTIALLY Carly is Bo's second choice and she is okay with that. Talk about Self-Esteem issues.

Stefano wants to make popcorn....That would be amazing to watch Stefano eat popcorn compared to the other shit they show. Stefano wants to play his EJ is Bad DVD. Sami wonders what is on it, and EJ has an Anna flashback. It's a Flashback kind of day!

Cheatin' Heart is having problems and Justin is telling Adrienne about them about the name, it needs a name change? Justin thinks she should stay in town and run the place...oh THAT's why she is staying??!! Why not make her hit her head and call herself Bonnie again?

Chloe still can't figure out why Nicole is in town, but really she does know and tries to get it out of Nicole like a dumb twelve year old. This episode must be sponsored by Oscar Meyer because Brady was compared to Bologna and their jingle. Meanwhile, Arianna is talking and giving me a headache. Brady writes out a big check to get Nicole out of RUDE, Nicole is my favorite townsperson. That was Brady's smartest move because now Arianna wants a Brady Sandwich and yes I'm keeping the Bologna theme.

That DVD better not get it's own music and closeups like the letter opener. Props get jealous! Stefano is going to start the DVD, and hopefully this time he leaves out the part where he does not understand technology. Sami says she will not believe whatever is on the DVD....RUDE what if it was about Global Warming?? Global Warming is Real Samantha!

Justin sucks at pool too, because Adrienne wants to play him. Justin says he sucks at pool because he is rich and Adrienne was from the other side of the tracks....Offended!! I'm poor and I suck at pool...what went wrong?

Hope brings up Zack Mia she likes to discuss dead children. Bo retreats into the past when things go bad.....kind of like Hope does when she has 80s flashbacks of Bo on that damn boat and with the big hair and shoulder pad sweaters. Carly does not know what it's like to lose a, she does!! BAD WRITING!!!! She thought Nicky was dead for most of his life, now she doesn't even see him!! She says it's unfair for her to say Bo has affairs, while Hope is grieving....then brings up PATRICK!!! OOOOOOOO Someone went and actually looked at old Days episodes and knows what she is talking about!!! Hope is annoyed Bo talked about their past with Carly...well what else were they going to talk about? Hope says Carly killed her own marriage, and then Hope's, but that Bo will be alone in the end. And this is why we leave the catfights to other people....because this is a BAD ONE that needs a slap somewhere.

Arianna holds the check and talks to herself....waste of time! Nicole admits she came to town for a future with Brady. Nicole is going to make sure that Brady does not marry that boring drug dealer girl. Nicole needs to really make sure that the writers give her a better storyline.

EJ takes care of Sami, and says he does not know what is on the DVD, but somehow gets the crazy to leave. Stefano comments that EJ is luck Samantha is a stubborn bitch. Stubborn Bitches are notorious for being fabulous in the bedroom. Stefano says he wants EJ to take responsibility......for the baby kidnapping, not anything else horrible he did in the past.

Justin thinks Adrienne thinks she is going to win because he used to let her win. Why are you surprised this lady wants to divorce you Justin, you suck!! Adrienne is surprised that he used to do that so he could nail her later.....well that made my stomach turn. Adrienne decides this would be a good time to bring up Hope...maybe the pool stick reminded her of Hope...same size and all.

Chloe remembers the days when she was the other woman in the Brady/Nicole/Chloe love triangle. Yes, Chloe thanks for reminding the audience you have slept with almost all the men in town. Nicole thinks Brady still wants her, and ewww she is right and can totally do better than BRADY! Nicole is going to prove Arianna sucks, and Arianna comes in wishing Nicole luck in doing that....thus proving that SHE SUCKS!!

Sami informs Brady about the Will situation. Can we just hate on EJ instead? Stefano says everything he did was his love for imagine if he hated him, how much worse would he have treated him? EJ says that if he really loved him, they would keep things between them.....that is what people say when they have a social disease.

Adrienne wants to sign her paperwork...thanks!Carly has loved Bo since she first met him...he was the only high schooler with a beard. Carly loves Bo, and Bo loves Carly...nothing will change that.....until Sweeps. At least she calls her a Martyr because all Hope needs is a cross and some nails at this point. Carly leaves, and Hope has a headache and says she is not eating....are we surprised?

Chloe decides to leave Ari and Nicole alone.....thus proving she is lame and a bad friend for not staying to back up Nicole. Anyways, Arianna presents Nicole with the check to get the hell out of town...hopefully Nicole realizes she is worth more than that and stays. Or maybe she will accept a trade for an actor to be named later from a soap opera that gives her more screentime.

Sami is on the EJ love train again, but the train is EMPTY. Brady brings up how EJ living there has screwed up Sami and Rafe's relationship.....No, Sami did that all by herself. Brady of all people has to remind Sami that she has four kids....six if you count EJ and Rafe. Brady basically says the same things that Roman said only with less mumbling and more facial movement: Stefano and EJ are DiMeras...DUH! Speaking of DiMera's Stefano is proud of EJ...Oh CRAP ON A STICK!

Justin says there was nothing between him and Hope.....yes ZERO chemistry. Adrienne decides to talk like a drunken sailor and say dirty tumbling references that make no sense. And the thought of Justin and Hope just made me and Adrienne ill. She signs the papers, and he leaves while she cries. However, Justin is in trouble because he walks down strange alleys and hopefully he gets hit with a bat.

Nicole tells Arianna to thank Brady for her, and wants to know when the wedding is. Arianna explains they are not looking to rush, and Nicole is glad Brady took her advice. Arianna explains it was all her decision and that Nicole should not mess with her. Mess with her Nicole...mess with her!!

Sami is making no sense....more so than usual! Apparently she is standing on her own two feet! Brady wants to know why Will is moving out, and she explains it's because of EJ. Brady wants her to throw the bum out and Sami says he is not a bum. Brady thinks it is obvious EJ is going after Sami. Really hate it when Brady makes sense and is the smarter of two people in a conversation.

Stefano is all proud that EJ is a real DiMera and fooled everyone. Stefano gives him the DVD afterwards because he is THAT proud of EJ's skills. Stefano respects EJ, and this storyline has officially hit a wall. Elvis played it well....yeah but the Real Elvis is dead, and stupid EJ is not even close to being punished.

Chloe leaves a message for Daniel, and walks in to see Carly moving in. DUMBEST IDEA EVER. Carly will do her best to stay out of Chloe's way.....THEN MOVE OUT!

Adrienne hears a ruckus and runs to see what's going on. She finds Justin more unconscious that usual, and calls him Baby. That would be cute if it was anyone other than Justin.

Arianna wants Nicole to take the check and leave. Nicole tells her that there is no such thing as fairy tales, and that this is real life. If Days of Our Lives was real life we'd all be married to each other, and I'd have come back from the dead more than the two times I already have.

Apparently Sami made a promise to God.....This disturbs me. EJ has changed....suit check, oily hair check, blinking check, blind rages check.....yeah he has not changed at all. Brady reminds her what he did to John and that he had Brady beaten up. Well those things we enjoyed though! Bad Examples! Sami thinks we are seeing the real EJ....if this is the real EJ can we have the fake one back?

Stefano thinks EJ has become a man....didn't he have sex like years ago? It took a faux kidnapping and not having two children to make EJ a man. EJ asks if this stays between them, but Stefano has more that he wants in return....

Previews: Adrienne holds Justin and screams that he is not responding...sorry but isn't that what the EMT is supposed to scream? or even Daniel? Not your job Adrienne, go serve some beer!

Stefano tells EJ he wants the children in the house in an hour. Sounds like something out of a child molestation television movie. That means EJ has about 8 hours because Days time works differently than real time.

Kate tells Sami that her and EJ have underestimated Stefano DiMera. Apparently she also thought that they forgot his last name. Maybe everyone in town suffers from memory loss and total recall of all things false.

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