As the Hope Gets Cray Cray

I'm BACKKKKKKKKKK. Editor's note: I can neither confirm nor deny that Mark Hapka has had any influence over the treatment of Nathan's character in this week's blog recaps. That charming smile may or may not have worked....I admit nothing!

Nathan, that spitting image of a Greek God, is talking to Melanie about the patient they lost. Maxine tells Lexie and Stephanie about what went down and they both look like someone pooped in their cereal. Bottom Line: Lady is dead, Someone is in trouble, and it's not Nathan's stylist because who does not want to run their fingers through that hair!

Hope is a bad mother and forgot to pack SeeWhoreA's lunch. Maybe since she is crazy now, her alter ego ate it....NO WAY! Even her Alter Ego is thin! The D.A. admitted that Rafe was not his attacker to Roman, and even Hope is shocked that Roman got a confession out of someone. Now she is knocking things over, belligerent and acting a fool!.....moreso than usual....OMG is she Roman?

EJ and Rafe are having PIER dialogue. These two are one step away from signing on to a gay soft core porn flick with the amount of time they spend together. Can we really blame Rafe though? EJ is fine with his freshly pressed Italian suits.

Stefano thanks Sami for letting him see his grandchildren. Sami wants to update her Facebook status. That joke alone proves that Sami spends more time on her laptop than with her 89 children. She is so busy playing Farmville that she has no time for Sydney, Will, Gianni, or that other one we will never see now that Lucas is gone. Stefano wants a truce with Sami so he extends his hand for a handshake. Sami looks at his hand like it has flesh eating bacteria on it...next time whip out a baby sanitizer and shake it!

Abe has to explain to Hope that they are friends. This Cray Cray Hope is exciting stuff. It's like a PMS version of Hope mixed in with a little Princess Gina. Someone is having a bad case of the Mondays. No one is ever this concerned about me when I have a headache! Adrienne walks in and Hope's day is getting worse.

Sami says NO to a truce with Stefano in a snarky way. Normally I enjoy the snark, but Sami is getting on my nerves and is stealing my jokes in the process. Rafe suspects that EJ is being blackmailed by Stefano. We learn interesting things about how poor Rafe's family is. Sharing these tidbits does not make me like the Hernandez family more! Rafe is going to put EJ away for "good"....the definition of "good" on Days of Our Lives is about 3 months.

Lexie is not happy with Melanie and Nathan because their relationship might have played a role in the patient's death. Enjoying Melanie' pink scrubs and think more people should wear them considering some of the outfits on this show. Lexie asks if they were focused on each other instead of the patient. Nathan leaves to give the patient's family the news and Lexie and Mel are discussing how Melanie effects Nathan. Nathan cannot be effected by anything. He is perfection!......Okay that one seriously hurt a little.

Hope updates Abe on Justin's condition in front of Adrienne. Adrienne wants to shove her fist down Hope's...um does Hope have a throat? Adrienne cannot understand Hope...not the only one...and why she does things like bring her to town, when it seems she has other intentions and then tells her to leave. So Hope is a bipolar weirdo with multiple personality disorder now.

EJ and Rafe are still having the same conversation on repeat. Can they at least be shirtless next time? Let's start a letter writing campaign.

Sami says Stefano will never change....but somehow EJ can? Sami's thinking process needs to be examined. Stefano cannot believe that someone like Marlena gave birth to Sami. To be fair to Sami, Marlena was the devil for a while and spawning evil things came naturally to Marlena. Plus, crazy runs in the family what with her crazy aunt who she is named after! Stefano almost lets Sami know that EJ loves her....how sad that it's not apparent to Sami like it is to the rest of the town.

Stephanie and Nathan are talking. Not paying attention though not because of boredom...but because Nathan is a beautiful man and can do no wrong in my eyes.

Hope questions Adrienne about the mugging and is really rude about it. Justin may have been targeted on purpose. Betting that Hope is the mugger and she needs the money to buy some crappy jewelery because she is not buying snacks. Justin wants to know why Adrienne is still there. Um, RUDE. Why does Justin have to make her feel like crap because this lady really did nothing wrong!...except marry him.

Rafe tells EJ his Anna theories and Benny ponderings....watching Sydney play with her blocks is more entertaining. He lets EJ know that someone else had to be involved. This mind game crap does not work and Rafe should just hand over all the evidence if he is going to be this annoying.

Sami says that Stefano is never seeing her kids again. Stefano has an EJ flashback of him telling his daddy to fix things or else. Stefano needs to learn how to drug and kidnap people again. Those were fun times!

Justin's bandage on his head is huge and distracting. Could they not find a bigger piece of gauze? Hope leaves them all a flutter. The vapors must be getting to her. Justin and Adrienne are just as confused as us and wonder why she is so dressed. Does anyone worry about her weight loss?

Sami and Stefano are arguing some more. He is trying to be nice but Sami is not buying it. I stopped listening to Sami talk because her outfit distracted me. EJ is dressing her and no me gusta! Meanwhile Rafe gets one of those many phonecalls he gets and EJ goes to leave. He tells EJ that Anna is being arrested in Morocco. Anna loves her some cheap rugs and Hookah!


Nathan wants to defend himself in front of the hospital council meeting about his patients death. Horton's have no fear! Nathan is AMAZING and can do no wrong so he will be super duper okay!

SeeWhoreA ate something.....is it Mom's turn? Feed Hope should trend on twitter! Meanwhile Adrienne is selling the bar and some rich guy wants to buy it and name it Eponymous! Based on the big word usage it must be EJ. Adrienne is happy she came back, but Justin does not look as happy as her. Wow wonder why their marriage failed? These two clearly are perfect for one another.

Sami threatens to change the custody agreement, which she does every 2 to 3 weeks on this show. Kate walks in and talks about Sydney's Penguin. Can that Penguin eventually have close ups and it's own theme music like the other inanimate objects on this show? Kate LOATHES Sami. Vote Kate for next Mayor of Salem! Kate fake offers to bake for Sami, and her and Stefano High Five. That was cute!

Adrienne says that Justin was her ROCK. He does have a rock for brains so its fitting. She does not need to Lean on him anymore..when she's not strong, and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy onnnnnnnnnn. So call on me....Okay that's enough.

Rafe and Sami are still as awkward as always. The ONE consistent thing about the two of them. Rafe announces that Anna has been arrested and that's Sami's cue for wanting makeup sex! Kate learns EJ is in love with Sami and she wants to throw up! She gags, Stefano drinks his booze, and Kate tries to understand why Sami is so attractive to men. Thinking it is because she practices the rhythm method. And BINGO Kate mentions how Sami spawns children. Birth Control needs to sponsor this show. EJ comes in and asks Kate to leave. He tells Stefano that Anna has been found. Based on Stefano's reaction...there is nothing to worry about!

Nathan tells Mel that he is going before the council, wanting to know what he did wrong. People like you don't make mistakes Nathan. :) Yeah whatever, Melanie is the problem!

Adrienne apologizes to Justin, and he says that he is sorry too! That was thankfully brief!

Rafe asks Sami if she has spoken to EJ, because he is surprised that EJ did not tell her about Anna being caught. Sami is bad at being suspicious lately. Stefano tells EJ to calm down. EJ is worried about losing his Samantha. The man is so red he may be on fire or just a drunk.

Melanie wants to quit nursing, but Nathan will not let her. He is just a dreamy hero! Melanie announces that INCOMING..Steph is on her way over. Melanie has to get back to her husband...oh NOW you remember you are married!

Hope comes home and takes off her jacket. Her hair is actually different and she has makeup on. She takes off that jacket so slowly! Great she is a lying whore now who goes out at all hours. She sees that little SeeWhoreA is wide awake and wonders what her daughter is doing up. SeeWhoreA was worried when she woke up and Hope was gone. She misses her daddy! Hope tells her that maybe one day Uncle Justin will be her new daddy! WHOA! CRAY CRAY HOPE is in full effect. That smile was all Joan Crawford kinds of evil!

Stefano says that Anna was not arrested. He merely set up the police to give Anna more time to get away. EJ is thankful and Stefano is giddy! Can these two bond more? Let's have scenes where they drink booze, smoke cigars, and plot world domination. Rafe is super excited, then gets the call it was not Anna. Rafe tells Sami and starts freaking out about how it was a setup. Now Rafe is Cray Cray!

Lexie walks at the PIER and calls Abe. Abe's phone rings and we see him lying on the floor. NEXT MUGGING VICTIM!! Can Roman be next please?

Previews: Vivian tells Gus she wants to push Chloe over the edge. Hopefully she means a cliff or something. It was SO predictable she was going to use Chloe to get to Carly. LAME!

Nicole tells Chloe to watch her back...Chloe is confused by this because most people watch her front. After Chloe tries three times to look at her own back, Nicole stops her and mentions that she meant watch out for Carly.

Carly tells Daniel that she is more than a friend to him. Well yes you were the F*&! buddy! Everyone knows that F&^! buddies are important and fun! Daniel appreciates her and her need to put out on occasion.