The Dumb Chloe and Phillip's Restless Hair

Hope is putting on that Red lipstick...maybe Hope is a transvestite now. She is totally packing heat and I do not mean a penis, I mean a gun!

Phillip is on the phone and telling work he is sad to be leaving his wife for the first time. Now that is a husband. Melanie gets a visit from the God Nathan, while she is trying to run away for dear life. Nathan thinks that Melanie is avoiding him. She can barely look at him because the beauty is so hard to look at without crumbling.

Justin is bugging Hope as usual, but this time she has a gun.....USE IT!

Johnny now hates Sami too! Sami needs a mother of the year award. Kate Gosselin is more popular with her 8 rugrats. All her kids want to get away from her. Johnny WANTS HIS DADDY! EJ is sad that his kids are not with him. He wonders if telling Sami how he feels will work in getting her to move in. Why is no one drugging or brainwashing her?? Its a new century and technology should have advanced!

Yang makes Daniel numb...was not hard at all apparently. Daniel tells Carly he left Chloe a message. Carly is wearing serial killer gloves that she must have borrowed from little SeeWhoreA to operate. Yang comes back and they are ready to save Daniel from the perils of double vision. Chloe is going to rip this orderly a new a-hole! We've gotten used to the fact that Carly and Daniel do NOT work at the hospital...it just needs to sink in for Chloe.

Johnny is a violent brat who must hang out with SeeWhoreA. All the children on this show need therapy. Although if Sami was my mom I'd revolt too. EJ is wondering if Sami loves him in return. Listen, just get back together already and ruin everything, but at LEAST use protection this time! We have enough kids on this show!

Justin checks on "Hope" who should just use that gun and SHOOT HIM!

Johnny still wants his British daddy who he just likes having around because of the accent. Sami is a bad mom and gives in to his temper tantrum. Now he is bossing her around and telling her to open the door Johnny knows how to control his mother already! EJ arrives and saves the day....or duct tapes Johnny's mouth.

Phillip reschedules his meetings to spend the night with his wife. Awwwwwww. Melanie is not avoiding Nathan, but wants to quit her job to well avoid him. Nathan takes her hand and wants to talk. Where is Stephanie by the way?? Shouldn't she be eavesdropping or peering through a window?

Hope's alter gets rid of Justin. Can she do this on a regular basis? Couldn't she have called him something demeaning?

EJ has the magic touch.....sounds like a sex toy! He is giddy like a schoolboy and is so happy to put his kids to bed. He thinks Sami is beautiful....let's all hold each other. Nothing is sweeter than rapist love. Maybe they can talk about roofies and plot serial raping.

Orderly man tells Chloe that the gossip is that Carly and Daniel are having the hairy sex with one another. Daniel is Jonasing Carly's Manning. He tells her they went to a kinky hotel....think Chloe strangely knows the place, its location, and room rates.

Nathan knows that he cares about Melanie and she cares about him. She tells him not to tell her how she feels....yeah that's Maggie's job! Please tell him how you feel because this story is getting way too dragged out!

EJ lies and says he took the kids to Disneyland, when really he danced with them and watched Wizard of Oz. Glad we heard this story!

Chloe is shocked they went to the Mercer motel...that place is FANCY! Chloe needs to just go home and have some ice cream. Calm down! Vivian thanks Orderly Greg for everything. He wants to know why he just did all of that and feels kind of guilty. She explains that Revenge is fun..however, this just really ruins Chloe's life not Carly's but hey it's all good.

Melanie tells Nathan all about the letter....that WON'T go away! Nathan gets excited over the letter saying that she would leave Phillip for him. Nathan plants a huge wet one on Melanie....he also kisses her. She kisses back and while making out Phillip arrives and sees them through the door. He is so sad that he should just find Chloe and have some sex with her. AHEM. They finally stop making out, and Melanie says this was goodbye. If that was goodbye what does Hello look like?

Chloe goes to the sleazy hotel....funny the owner looks like he knows her. Popular customer? The motel guy is the man who is Italian and always in Italian mafia movies. Chloe checks their names, but there is no confirmation they are staying there. She shows a picture of Daniel, and hotel man looks turned on.

Phillip is drinking. HOT! Justin arrives, which causes Phillip to drink more.

Sami explains that Lucas is taking Ally to Hong Kong...which explains her missing child! All of Sami's kids are trying to get the hell away from her! EJ asks if Sami misses Rafe. She explains she lied and wonders why EJ forgave her lies. Clearly he is horny and wants more children. EJ goes all Wayne Dyer on Sami and about how they have kids and that is a bond. Oh just get together already!! Then break up again!!

Hope walks on the PIER and says she is on her way. This new Hope is already pissing me off.

Hotel/Motel guy is no help to Chloe and says Daniel MIGHT be there...to have tons of sex. Chloe is going to crap her panties.

Phillip is so upset that his hair is in his face. BAD NEWS!! Phillip announces that he is an idiot....why can't Justin have that realization instead? Justin starts giving Phillip advice, and Phillip brings up Adrienne....THANK YOU!! Someone buy Justin a muzzle. Melanie tells Nathan she will NOT leave Phillip. Her and Nathan are DONE.......until sweeps.

Vivian paid the Hotel guy to lie to Chloe too. Wow people in Salem are so easy to bribe. Gus thinks her plan is a bad one..which is a very Ivan moment for him. Where the hell is Ivan though?? Seriously where? Carly sits with Daniel who is asking for Chloe. She grabs his hand and says Chloe will be there....why is your hair in a ponytail Manning?? UGH Chloe goes home for a drink to stare at a badly Photoshoppped picture of her and Daniel.

Phillip is drunk at the PIER...his hair has gotten worse, somehow reflecting the inner turmoil he must be going through. He flashbacks to Melanie telling him she loves him....which causes him to drink even more. Okay I love Phillip but his hair is shockingly bad when he is drunk. Was he headbanging? Melanie has feelings for Nathan but will not act on them and wants him to do the same. Another dumb idea!

Sami has flashbacks to Sydney's birth with Dr. Baker. EJ reminds us that Baker is dead...which means he is not. EJ wants to think about the future. I'd rather read a Hallmark card. Hope is playing poker and she's playing against the DEAD Baker man. WOW I can't believe he is still alive.....said sarcastically.

Vivian wonders why Gus is such a Crepe hanger?? HUH? That was the best they could do? At least she calls Chloe an Opera Screecher! Daniel focuses on Carly's finger.....it's sexy and he sees one. How can he focus on her finger with her hair like that dammit? Daniel is happy that Carly talked him into surgery and wants to tell Chloe the good news. Chloe is still looking at fake photos and drinking. Phillip arrives drunk and gives her that "LET'S DO IT" look.

Nathan accepts Melanie's choice and he will move on. Where is that Second Choice Stephanie "I'll Sleep with Ya" Johnson? They are DONE, but will still be friends and colleagues....RIGHTTT. They hug and this is finally over for now.

Hope won a ton of cash and Baker wants her to buy them drinks...GO FOR FOOD!

EJ wants Sami to move in with the kids. Sami is freaking....probably because she has to bring the kids.

Previews: Melanie tells Maggie that Phillip and her will finally be happy. Well way to jinx that! Total jinx and now only bad things are going to happen for the two of you. Even Maggie was like DOH why did you say that?!

Phillip attacks Chloe's face. She literally just stands there as he chews at her mouth. Not Pretty!

Sami tells EJ that she will never live at that house with his father. RUDE! There are plenty of places to hide from Stefano there. Plus, have you met your father? Yeah you lose!