Guiding Chloe...Through Hysteria!

Vivian and Gus....which leads me to the daily question: Where is IVAN?? Gus still thinks this whole Chloe/Carly plan is a bad idea....he is not the only one! This is beneath Vivian, who can come up with a better idea than this. The real question is how does Vivian get all of her manservant's to call her "Madame"? Does she put it in the want ads?

Chloe is about to open her big mouth and admit that she's a moron and a whore. Daniel is hopped up on so much drugs that Carly fed him, he has no idea what she is talking about. By the way, shouldn't Carly leave the two of them ALONE, and not be intruding on their time together? Ohh Sex Time Flashbacks...we need more of these! Phillip is with Melanie who is telling him how much she loves him, not Nathan. Phillip wishes he had this information before...to which Melanie responds that she is too late.....no LATE is what Chloe is going to be come May Sweeps.

Sami is acting a fool.....News at 11. Will should take the kids and raise them himself.

Hope pistol whips EJ and he falls down....still not sure how she reached his head he is so damn tall. Baker says that was a bad idea because EJ knows him....so Hope is going to kill EJ. This new Hope talks as cliche as regular Hope....where is the change?

Carly is still being a creeper....so toucher and a creeper now. Chloe wonders how Daniel is doing and he says he can see clearly now the rain is gone. Not really. Daniel wants to know why Chloe said she ruined everything. The look of panic on Chloe's face would be a dead giveaway to smart people, but lucky for her she's in a room with Carly and Daniel.

Baker yells at Hope that she cannot kill EJ. Wow even he must know that Hope is a terrible shot. She says he is right and that Baker CAN kill EJ. Well the Doctors in this town are known for being really bad at their jobs.

Gus does not drink...another reason to dislike him. Gus doesn't understand why Chloe is being used in Vivian's plan against Carly. Does someone have a mini crush on Chloe???? Awwww Gus! Chloe doesn't understand how Daniel had surgery.....Draw her pictures please. Daniel explains that he didn't want to get her hopes up, that Carly helped with the surgery, and wonders if she got his message. Chloe wonders what has she done....to which Daniel replies...what have u done? To which Carly comments...I need an aspirin to follow this conversation.

Melanie wonders if Phillip is going to leave her because she was unfaithful with her heart. Well he was unfaithful with his penis, so think he's gonna stick it out with you. Melanie explains she did nothing physical with Nathan, because that would be the most UNFORGIVABLE thing to do to cheat PHYSICALLY. Melanie is having her daily freak out, Phillip says she did nothing wrong, and Melanie just thinks he is the most swell man on the planet. Phillip says he made a huge mistake....and we all know Mistake is Chloe's nickname.

Okay this kid Johnny needs some Ritalin mixed with Ambien. No wonder they never show him! He is throwing another tantrum and wants his daddy. Baker will not kill Daddy EJ, who is starting to wake up. Nevermind Hope just kicked him in the head......okay THAT was funny to watch. EJ has deserved that since the whole baby kidnapping scheme started.

Chloe explains that Daniel left a crappy message not saying HE was having surgery. Blame the writers Chloe! Chloe thinks she should have been there....what to assist in the surgery? Daniel is sorry for the fight they had, and Chloe is sorry too. Carly is still watching them, and it's bugging me! She finally interrupts them and says she has to examine Daniel. Chloe leaves to call Phillip and loud whispers to herself that she must call him to make sure Phillip DOES NOT BLOW THEIR SECRET! Melanie has no idea what Phillip is talking about and wonders what mistake he made. He only slept with your future stepmother...but to be fair to him, he did that a long time ago already.

Will is probably looking at porn...good for him! Sami chloroformed Johnny so he would shut up. She comments that Johnny likes EJ more than Sami....well thanks Captain Obvious. Maybe if you showed him affection and time he'd like you more. She's upset again that Sydney does not call her Mama. Will has to comfort his mother....this kid needs to get laid. Sami thinks EJ is right and she has to move in for the children. Will thinks she is crazy...Will is seriously the audience spokesperson these days.

Baker checks out EJ...medically and not in a kinky way. She was just testing the Doctor, and proceeds to rob EJ. She throws away his phone, and that large wallet gets its own closeup. It's fancy and from Target!

Sami wonders why its okay for Will to live with the DiMeras, but not her. God poor Will cannot get away from his annoying mother. She doesn't like that him and Stefano are BFFs....I don't like that she is using terms like BFF. Sami LEAVES her kids again to go find EJ.

Gus learns that Chloe is at the hospital and Viv is so excited she runs to go see the Carly/Chloe smackdown. Chloe leaves Phil and message and thinks that Carly is eavesdropping. Normally when people listen in on your conversations YES that is eavesdropping. Carly acts like she knows everything, but really her bun is just tight. Phil doesn't care who is calling him because Melanie and him are more important. He says he made a mistake and that he walked in on Mel and Nathan kissing. He wants to be completely honest with her since she was honest with him. Righttttttttttttttt.

Baker does not want to deal with that lunatic bitch Hope. Hope is so offended she points her gun at him. Sami finds EJ and starts asking him if he is okay....NO he is UNCONSCIOUS! Most people do not lay by the PIER Sami!

Carly suspects that Chloe called Phillip in order to reach Melanie. Chloe in her weird way apologizes to Carly for her behavior earlier. Carly has no clue as to why Chloe is rattled....her body must make noise when she walks. Chloe explains that her and Daniel had a fight, but Carly still doesn't understand why Chloe is upset. Wow someone is taking nosy lessons from Maggie. Chloe is trying to get her story straight, and Carly tells her to go see Daniel. Carly then stares off into space which implies she is either bored or suspects something is up....why is she smart all of a slutten?

Phillip explains he got drunk after seeing the kiss. Melanie figures he was drunk driving, well yeah he was but Phillip is like No big deal! Melanie gets all concerned he could have been killed. Carly interrupts them....it's like her role of the day....and she informs Melanie that Daddy had surgery. Melanie wonders why she wasn't told, but thanks Carly for taking care of her Dad. Phillip and Melanie are happy Danny's vision is fixed. Melanie mentions that Chloe is with Daniel, and Phillip shits a brick and insists on going with her.

Baker apologizes to Hope for calling her a lunatic...not for calling her a bitch. He cannot even sink so low as to apologize for that. Hope goes to shoot him, but the gun is not loaded....wow she is a bitch! Then Baker calls her a little thief....LITTLE...he meant THIN! EJ starts to wake up, and next to him is a huge pool of blood. Maybe he fell on those icy spots..they are on the offensive lately. Sami wants to know who did this...great question the guy with a head injury.

Vivian imagine that Chloe and Carly have it out. For some reason in Vivian's dreams people are BAD ACTORS! It's so fake and unconvincing, and Vivian needs to dream better. The weapon of choice is either a nail file or a scalpel....too bloody to tell but regardless Chloe stabs Carly with it. Instead Viv gets to watch as Melanie and Phillip run in and thank Carly for everything. Vivian is pissed because that was unexciting....yeah watch Days Vivian THEN complain.

Hope was just messing with Baker...would have been funnier if water came shooting out. She picks the targets to rob: ALL MEN! So the new Hope HATES men.....how is this different then the old one? EJs head hurts and.....that's all.

Mel and Daniel talk about the surgery and how well it went. Phillip and Chloe keep looking at one another all guilty. Daniel can tell Melanie was crying....she does that everyday and its pretty much a sure bet! Maxine wonders if everything is okay between Carly and Chloe after the "miserable bitch" comment. Viv is getting excited again....wow is she in for a load of boring.

Hope insists on the ONLY MEN thing. She gives Baker half of EJs wallet, but wants to keep the wallet. Maybe she likes to sniff leather? EJ is muttering and Sami has NO phone on her...what a bad mom! EJ asks Sami not to leave his side...Um, he is not dying and this is very melodramatic.

Vivian calls Carly a homewrecker...it's getting old like Viv's hairstyles. Meanwhile Phillip and Chloe try to excuse themselves because Daniel and Melanie are going to talk, but Mel insists they stay. Melanie explains that her and Phillip had a fight..and Chloe breaks down like an insane freak. She starts screaming for forgiveness. Phillip needs to smack her.

Hope adds EJ's wallet to her under the bed collection. Can she steal someone's pajamas because the ones she is wearing are WOOF?! Baker plots to use that limey bastard EJ DiMera's platinum card. EJ is all pale and confused, and about to pass out again....and here comes the ALMOST kiss.

Previews: Chloe tells Daniel he needs to here the truth. She is going to admit she has been spray tanning and not sunbed tanning. This may forever change their relationship.

Rafe and Stefano talk about the reason EJ wants Sami back. Perhaps he likes torture and being with Sami means ultimate torture. OR how about he wants to breed more, and Sami is just the most fertile woman in town?

Sami performs CPR on EJ while shouting he is not going to die. Well way to spoil the ending Samantha! Question: who taught Sami CPR and why does EJ NEED CPR for a head injury?