Days of Our Sex Lives

Rafe was sleeping, and he cannot even do that right. He dreams of Sami and him having sex, then wakes up like it was the worst nightmare of his life. That was a lovely and tender scene! Sami thinks EJ is insane for wanting her to move into the Mansion. EJ thinks its a good idea and has its advantages....I think showering has its advantages too EJ......get on it!

Maggie is standing around confused by Melanie, who is finally convinced that her and Phillip are going to be happy. She must not watch this show. Phillip is with Chloe at her place, telling her that his wife is in love with another man. Carly still has that damn bun in her hair...make it go away! Daniel tries to call Chloe but he is woozy and going cross eyed....kinda like the Days audience. Chloe and Phillip talk about how much Daniel and Carly suck, and Chloe breaks out the booze...best thing she could have done! She announces that Carly and Daniel are having sex in a sleazy motel and she is sad she is not there to hold the camera.

Hope is boozing it up with Edmund from All My Children...or Doc Baker in this case. Either way get her some pretzels.

Sami wonders what is up with the new agey EJ. She will not move in with Stefano. EJ is still playing the Stefano is ill card, and Sami does not really care. He blames everything on Nicole and Baker and NOT on his father. Stefano is always innocent on this show do to technicalities. Baker is still with the faux Hope, who will not share her name. Guessing it is NOT Hope, and if it's Gina she is being weird. Hate it when alternate personalities act up. He hits on her, but she wants none of that...maybe this new Hope is a lesbian.

Will and Stefano are playing chess. Stefano is going to win..calling it now. Exciting stuff!

Rafe turns over in bed. That was literally the scene. Thanks Days!

Carly shuts Daniel up, and wants him to calm down. He just wants him some Chloe. Phillip thinks Chloe is being a tard for thinking Daniel and Carly are having sex. She tells him the story she literally made up in her head of Danny and Carly doing it at the hotel. Cheating apparently runs in the family because they call out Danny and Mel for being huge cheaters....who of course never really cheated. They say they've been played for fools.....wasn't hard for Chloe.

Rafe shows up at Sami's and EJ interrupts. Rafe offers to leave. Apparently this is Rafe Day on SPEED.

Maggie opens up a can of soda and its really loud. Sorry, first interesting thing to happen. Melanie tells the Nathan coming over story. She is committed to Phillip and chooses him, but that Nathan had to go and kiss her. Maggie peed a little and looks annoyed. Mel explains that its all over.....until SWEEPS!

Phillip is sad about the Melanie situation. Chloe says she does not deserve Phillip. He goes in and kisses her. HOT! Carly roofied Daniel, who still wants to talk to Chloe. Wanting to talk to Chloe this much means he really must be on some hardcore drugs. Carly is going to text Chloe for Daniel so she knows where he is. Chloe stops Phillip and asks what their doing. Does she really need a diagram to explain what they are doing? Phillip does not know nor does he care...he throws her down on the sofa and they go at it. Clearly not the first time Chloe has done it on a sofa.

Stefano beats Will at chess....told ya! Stefano is wearing his green handkerchief and tie for Green Week..how modern of him! Will wonders about his siblings moving in, and Stefano explains that things change...yeah like people's ages and backstories on this show!

Sami tells Rafe about EJ's offer to have her move in. Rafe thinks Sami is nuts...it's like Rafe gets a half-day today or something with these scenes.

Baker thinks that Hope is playing games with him. She whips out her.............................gun. There goes my transvestite theory.

Melanie says that her and Nathan are OVER. Maggie is impressed with Melanie's maturity..so is Melanie....so are we! Mel is going to tell Phillip everything...and if that is not shocking enough...she will do it all in the SAME EPISODE!! Did anyone faint at this news?

Carly pounds those keys and texts Chloe....saying that message out loud because we all do that! We see a fireside view which is lovely, but the cheesy music needs to really go! She rips off his shirt...buttons go flying. Who knew Phillip bought his shirts at Target? And there goes her Bra....and they tumble to the floor. There is so much skin....Need a cigarette! They are done with each other and Phillip tells Chloe not to talk....that's what I've been saying! She checks her phone, and Phillip struggles to his knees and cannot walk to check his phone. Phillip's hair is wet....not going there.

EJ lets Stefano know where they stand in the Sami situation. He thinks they have hit a snag and someone stands in their way......*whispers* it's Rafe. Rafe thinks this is a dumb idea, and he loves her. Is loving her also a dumb idea? He says EJ is manipulating her. DUH!

Baker notices Hope is packing heat...and he is a DOCTOR everyone! This storyline is LAME and better get interesting FAST.

Phillip and Melanie need to have a chat....as Chloe is putting her clothing back on. Phillip is going to have it out with Melanie and Chloe is going to do the same with Danny. Luckily the audience gets treated to the standard "We just had a one night stand" speech. Chloe is so angry that she picks up that ugly photo of her and Daniel and throws it at a plant. The Plant got it worse than the picture.

Hope and Baker...blink and you miss them...I blinked!

Sami and EJ are co-parents and will decide what is best for THEIR children. Why not cut off Rafe's balls? Sami is upset Sydney does not call her Mama...maybe that is because she is NEVER with you!! Try bonding with the kid! Sami is just a huge failure in all things. Rafe tries explaining that moving into the mansion is a bad idea, but Sami's brain is not functioning.

Phillip comes into the house screaming for Melanie. She runs in and bear hugs her man. She picks him!! Chloe arrives at the hospital and calls Carly a "miserable bitch" Well Carly is miserable so yes this is true..but not a bitch. Had she said "Miserable Moron" I may have given my full support. Melanie tells Phil the WHOLE TRUTH, which is rare on this show considering no one is blackmailing her. Melanie is crying/hissy fitting, and Phillip is groaning.

Maxine is all in Chloe's face for talking to Carly like that. Carly is like "eh used to it" attitude. Carly explains that Daniel just got out of surgery, which he was in all night. Chloe accuses her of lying saying she asked, and they left, but Maxine says Carly is telling the truth. Chloe has that POOPED HER PANTIES look to her face.

Rafe gets a call from Stefano......that's it!

Will goes over his mom's house and asks about her moving in. Sami of course throws her typical tantrum as usual and will go talk to EJ...she meant YELL at EJ. EJ runs into Baker at the PIER, and screams YOU YOU'RE DEAD! Well no he is not, and have you met your father? At least we got the KNIFE SWOOSH sound effect.

Melanie loves Phillip and he looks very sad that he cheated. He starts saying that he wished he had known before.....to which Mel replies before what....*whispers* before he banged his future mother in law. Chloe visits Daniel and starts saying she should have known, as Daniel wakes up and Carly creeps in the background. Everyone feels guilty.....where is the pregnancy test by the way?

Stefano has information for Rafe...great! Sami leaves to go talk to EJ.....Hope hits EJ over the head with her gun. Baker is worried because EJ knows who he is, so Hope suggests that EJ die. At least this version of Hope is smarter than the original, but just as thin dammit!

Previews: Chloe asks what she has done..and Daniel says what have you done...to which Carly responds why are you both talking like that?

Phillip tells Melanie he made a huge mistake. Thinking he meant that he slept with a walking mistake named Chloe.

Baker tells Hope she cannot do this, as she is pointing her gun at EJ. Well she CAN do it, but she WILL not. Since when is killing people a sin on this show?