All my Whores

EJ and Sami are obsessed with one another. If this were Facebook they would poke each other constantly. On Twitter they just follow each other. It's all about EJ/Sami getting along. However, Will and Rafe are not connecting with Sami so much. She misses the both of them. Will lets his mother know how he really feels about her: he HATES her. Okay love that Will puts his mother in his place, but HATE is kind of harsh. He doesn't really HATE her, he just thinks she is the dumbest bitch in town. He wants to know what the hell is going on with her and EJ, as does Brady when he catches up with Sami. He is the only one unaware of Sami's love for EJ, which officially makes him the dumbest man on the show.

EJ and Stefano are still bickering over the blackmail situation. Stefano considers Sami part of the family even though he cannot stand her. He hopes she ends up destroying herself, which for Sami is not that hard. He sees Johnny in the FBI jacket and seems to want to have a heart attack. He is livid that he is wearing it, but does he expect the kid to wear a Fedora and smoke a cigar? Johnny is annoying by the way, and so annoying that when he leaves the scene you can still hear the little brat screaming in the hallway. The real Stefano would have had this kid shipped to boarding school already. Stefano learns that Anna never phoned in, and EJ looks worried. Remember when Stefano hid people and they stayed hidden?

Anna discovers Calliope's wire and is livid. She puts the wire/camera in the alcohol....okay that you NEVER do! Rafe stops Anna from going anywhere. Calliope is brought into the room with cuffs on, and her and Anna continue to argue about what she did. Anna learns Eugene never cheated on Calliope, so she is even more annoyed. Rafe offers them a deal that if Anna says who her accomplice was they both can go free. Anna says no, and Calliope is carted off. Thanks for coming back!! What a rude exit that was. Rafe pushes Anna to answer the question and she agrees to talk.....by talk she means not answer the question and waste another week of our lives.

Speaking of a waste of time: Nicole/Arianna/Brady. Okay LOVE Nicole, but this whole Baker/Nicole setting up of Arianna is a waste of time. Brady would have cheated with Nicole eventually anyway. Brady and Ari set a wedding date, and Nicole is scheduling to break them up way before then. The two women try to bond over booze, but it is really just a set up so Nicole can grab Ari's DNA samples to plant at a crime scene. Baker distracts Ari with a phone call, and Nicole manages to finish a bottle of wine, or actually half of it, or 7/8ths, or THAT was the best line of the whole episode.

Chad is sad that his mommy wants to send him away to school, because he wants to stay in Salem with his friends. Who knew he and Will had bonded so much over the whore Mia? Kate and Maddie meet up to discuss things. Maddie thinks it is in Kate's best interest to lie her ass off so no one finds out their connection. Madeline lists all of Kate's children's faults...wow I forgot how screwed up ALL of her kids were. Thank God they all left town. Madeline throws in that "once a whore always a whore." Kate IMPLIES that Maddie shouldn't be one to talk, meaning that's a whore calling the whore a whore. Can I say I TOLD YOU SO NOW?? PROSTITUTES!

Previews: EJ says to Stefano that it doesn't take a bloody genius to connect the dots. Maybe they are playing with one of Johnny's puzzle books and Stefano is having a hard time. To be fair to Stefano sometimes those numbers are missprints and the number is doubled, so you end up drawing the line in the wrong direction. Obviously this is a joke and they are talking about Rafe...who did manage to connect the dots which is a miracle in itself.

Brady asks Sami what the hell he is supposed to think. So now Brady has reached a level of stupidity that he cannot even come up with one thought. And of all people he enlists Sami's help to find a thought. Yes Brady it IS shocking she loves EJ again, but can you blame the woman? Rafe is off not getting his eyebrows waxed and EJ has a heated pool. The choice is obvious!

Rafe tells Anna that Sami didn't make her take that baby. Did it really take him all this time to figure THAT out? If Anna actually implies that this is Sami's fault, then that is dumb. At least blame the whole thing on Nicole because it is easier to pin things on her. Anna won't admit who she was working for until she stretches it out to the point where we want to kill ourselves. At this point....I don't care. Rafe needs to give up and move back to Harmony.