All My Dick Jokes.

Carly decides that she WILL NOT tell Daniel about the Chloe affair, but she urges Chloe to tell the truth regardless. However this doesn't last long dammit. Melanie tells her mommy, who she really gets along with lately, that she does not want Chloe and her Daddy getting married. She thinks Chloe's boobs, no wait her EYES, are distracting. See as a lady I find Chloe's tan distracting. If that wasn't enough Kate then decides to inform Carly about how big a whore Chloe is. Carly then freaks out and scares the crap out of Chloe, telling her she is going to tell Daniel if Chloe does not. Lovely how this all happened in one episode, yet still wasted our time. Perfect! Notice how she DOES NOT really focus on the fact that Hope hates her again! Interesting!

Unfortunately all THAT was the exciting part of the episode. Yes...THAT!

Nathan turns down a important position in the Johns Hopkins medical program. Why? Because he wants to stay in Salem with Stephanie. No you didn't read that wrong people. Nathan is an idiot who stayed in town to be with the boring Stephanie....and probably just to stare at Melanie. This guy cannot get any more sad.

Nicole basically annoys Brady the whole episode following him around Nicole is never THIS annoying and pathetic and its really sad she chases Brady this way. He wants her to get lost and visit Arianna but Nicole keeps getting in his way. Nicole then gets confronted by Baker who wants to leave town and wants cash from Nicole. Okay I can't handle anymore Dick jokes...alright who am I kidding. Keep up the Dick jokes!

SeeWhoreA is everywhere!! She knows what Carly catching a bouquet means, and then jacks the bouquet somehow later on. She insists that her mother is a big or THIN liar. She tells Vivian she is pretty, and Justin takes her away. Put her in an institution for that reason alone! Bo and Hope discuss why on earth SeeWhoreA would lie. Even Bo thinks its dumb at this point, and suggests they look under the bed. Wow it only took them two whole weeks to decide to do that. They find Hope's box, which has been missing since that acid vat incident if you ask me.

Other things that happened this episode, but not huge deals: Phil and Chloe discuss their sex again. Can we get more flashbacks of this because we haven't had enough? What we NEED more of is Victor and Maggie. Their flirting continues, and Victor comforts her when she misses Mickey. Phil and Steph discuss her baby scheme, while Nathan and Mel discuss Johns Hopkins stupidity. EJ is hired as Arianna's lawyer because he is the smartest person in town all of a sudden next to Melanie. Yes, I never thought I'd say that either. She gives him a dollar and he is hired! I will give EJ a dollar to shut up just so I could stare at him shirtless all day. How about that? Brady walks in on them and is wondering why there is hand holding.

Previews: Carly freaks and yells at Chloe that she has to tell Daniel tonight. Oh butt out Manning! Couldn't they have made this a way better storyline? This would be a better plan if Carly told Melanie and Kate what had happened and they all went to burn Chloe at the stake! Had Carly TOLD someone else this would have been more fun. Hell let's even invite Nathan to join and bring the matches! And for the love of God, get Carly some good clothes.

Nicole wants to know who Baker's partner is. Dick has a partner? Okay this joke might be pushing boundaries. I'm not going there because I know Days will steal my Dick jokes. I'm not touching Dick....jokes.

EJ tells Arianna that he knows she is innocent. Well, yeah because she is not bright enough to pull this all off. Plus, EJ read NBC.com's list of character's and their descriptions and he knows that Arianna is not considered a villain on the show. Also, I'm convinced EJ reads Soap Opera Digest because he's been on the cover two weeks in a row and has plans.