All My Ugly Wigs

EJ was BORING today. I was tempted to hit mute and just stare at him, but Arianna and her glaucoma got distracting. He tells her the terrific news that she gets to stay in jail!!! YAY!! Meanwhile Lexie calls him and breaks the law essentially telling him about Brady, and then tells Arianna who is going to cry all over again. She calls Brady to just to lecture him...FROM HER PRISON CELL!

Brady insists he did not get drunk or take drugs....however he might have fallen off a wagon...that he does think he did. Nicole wants to believe him, and Lexie brings the two closer when she says Nicole saved Brady's life. There is HAND holding. Too bad Dick wasn't involved. Yeah I went there. Brady talks about the money clip, but does not remember the poker game. Good thing too because he blew about 3,000 dollars there. Maggie warns Victor not to yell at Brady, and she keeps him in check. Victor and Maggie are skeptical of Brady's story but believe him. Victor holds Maggie's hand afterwards and she is taken aback a bit....or she is really turned on. Nicole attacks Dick for what he did to Brady....nobody messes with a drunk's man!

Will and Sami still are not getting along. You would think Sami would leave Will alone while his great grandmother is dying. They both discuss matters with Doug and Julie. Doug and Julie are color coordinated today. When Julie learns that Sami is living with EJ she lectures her. She tells her she is basically using EJ as a rebound from Rafe. God I hate when Julie is right! Sami does not want a lecture from her but Julie tells her anyway that she cannot make these kinds of mistakes. Will tells Doug about cool Stefano and living there. Doug gives similar advice. How about everyone just move back into Marlena's townhouse and SHUT UP!

Chad, Madeline and Charlie argue about his leaving Salem for school. He tells them he is staying, and his parents discuss what to do about the matter. Madeline reveals she has bonds in Chad's name as a present, hoping to maybe bribe him into leaving. Mia and Gaby stop being bitches to each other..WHY?! These two deserve each other and should run away on a bus....or get hit by one. Chad tells Mia he's staying in Salem, in part for her, while Gaby has to listen. While I do not mind Gaby being tortured by this conversation, I'm questioning Chad's judgement in liking Mia. She a Ho! He tells them his parents have a problem with Will....SUMMER TEEN MYSTERY! We get one every year it seems. Kate dons the WORST BLOND WIG EVER and poses as Madeline to go through her safety deposit box. She jacks everything before Madeline shows up and Madeline is left with an empty box. Stefano and Kate are thrilled to have the tape, but the camera pans to an envelope. HMMMM. Are the bonds in there or something else?! We shall see...

Previews: Chloe asks Father Matt if he is going to tell Daniel that she slept with Phillip. Okay so much for knowing the way of the Church Chloe. A priest CANNOT reveal what you say in confession. Also, his name is not Carly Manning so you should be okay.

Nicole screams at Baker that if he hurts Brady like this one more time she will want his head on a platter. Who doesn't love Dick on a platter? Can Dick just leave town? He owes everyone money and is involved in illegal activity that everyone seems to know about. Just go!

Brady yells at Arianna that HE DIDN'T DO IT! Funny she said the same thing two weeks ago and you gave her a dirty look like she did. Now who feels unloved?! These two people are really annoying when they are not half naked and having sex. Maybe that is why they are acting worse than usual...LACK OF SEX!