As the Jennifer Horton reTurns

Jennifer Horton is BACK! Maggie thinks she belongs in Salem..CAN I GET AN AMEN!! HELL YEAH! I approve this message and Maggie is speaking the gospel according to the fandom! Jennifer runs into Carly and they have a short hug and squee. They go over Carly's history of stabbing a husband and being NON parents to children. Then Jen meets up with Bo and Hope. She stumbles upon Bo and Hope's divorce papers and doesn't even try to hide them. Okay I know its been a while and you are rusty, BUT next time chuck those papers Jen.

The remembering Alice memorial is underway and we get more flashbacks. This time we see Alice dealing with hairy Bo from back in the day. I'm still amazed at how much hair that man had on his body at one point. He could warm a freezing village with all that hair. Hope and Bo reminisce after Carly leaves but its cut short when Jen arrives. Bo comforts Caroline over Alice's soon to be death. Then he remembers he is a jackass who left the divorce papers on the table. Hope is upset to see the paper, and I am upset to see Bo's real name. I don't need to be reminded of that mess.

In other exciting news....I GOT A SHOUTOUT ON THE SHOW! Yes, I am afraid this is true folks, since Shawn Christian and Nadia Bjorlin both confirmed to me in person that the usage of "HOT MESS" on the show was inspired by MOI! Its a true story!Chloe doesn't tell Daniel anything, are we surprised? She does have Phillip fetch the wedding gift to Daniel....which is a watch?! I expected a tanning bed dammit. Daniel decides they should get married right there in her hospital room. Cue Father Matt folks, that riveting old hottie hipster. Carly tells Chloe she has to tell Daniel about her affair before they get married....for the MILLIONTH TIME! Carly can suck it at this point. Daniel calls Melanie and tells her he is marrying Chloe, and she shits her pants..... I wish I was kidding but that's the face she made.

Melanie tells Nathan Stephanie stopped taking her birth control pills. Wow you are a day too late and stay out of it like your mother is not doing. Nathan freaks out on Melanie and tells her how Stephanie prevented a pregnancy and told the truth. He yells at her and now Melanie really knows how Carly Manning feels everyday of her damn life.

Arianna and Nicole have the same old argument where Nicole pretends to be nice and Arianna doesn't buy it. Okay why does Arianna look better than Nicole when Ari is the one in jail? Who dressed and destroyed Nicole's hair and makeup? This is upsetting. EJ tells Nicole he thinks she's responsible for the muggings. Well he couldn't be more wrong and why can't he go back to yelling at Sami like he yells at Nicole. This is getting boring. And nude male update alert: Brady had his shirt on today THANK GOD...next can we work on getting EJ more shirtless. THANK YOU!

Previews: Arianna tells Melanie that she knows Nicole would do anything to get Brady. I'm still not sure why. Brady needs to be alone and learn how to get some brain cells before he hooks up with anyone again. Also, let's try getting with someone who does not have a prison record this time. Thanks Brady!

Nicole yells at EJ to get his hands off her.....Wow I would scream the total opposite. Just me? No? Yeah I didn't think so. Nicole its been a while since jail so go find a guy who is willing to sleep with you please. Preferably someone hot who likes to drink.

Jennifer asks Hope if she really wants the divorce. See I would not want the divorce because I'd want to torture Bo all the days of their lives. Bo and Hope deserve each other because only they can stand each other's company for long periods of time. That is love people. Hope loves Bo, and at this point it's obvious she just doesn't want to admit she was an asshole and neither does he. The End.