One Sex Tape to Watch

Alice is near death. That's all I really have to say on the matter. Lucas is back and already giving Sami a hard time. He reunites with the Horton family and I love how they pretend like they really included Lucas in the family. WHATEVER.

Kate and Stefano watch the tape from Madeline's safe deposit box. SEX TAPE!! Stefano's eyes are falling out of his head. I find it funny they are so interested in the tape when THEY WERE IN THE DAMN ROOM with her! Basically they killed the dude when he got fresh with Madeline. BTW I loved the fact they didn't show faces on the tape because there is no way in hell to make them all look young. The voice overs were hysterical though. Stefano meets Maddie on the PIER! He tells Madeline she can't blackmail him any more. I'm surprised she got away with it for this long anyway. It takes Kate an entire episode to go through Maddie's box...The women on this show have a thing for boxes. Kate discovers something shocking... birth certificate? paternity test? It's paper though and not a photo. Gee I wonder if has to do with Chad?! I will say I TOLD YOU SO later on. You'll see.

Nathan and Melanie talk. Unfortunately. He tells her she is right to not really enjoy Chloe and her father's impending nuptials. Stephanie shows up before he can tell her more. This just gets better and better. He plans a date with Steph, WHILE HIS GREAT GRANDMOTHER IS DYING, for a hot air balloon ride. I love a good throw Stephanie out of the basket storyline...I can even write it if Days would let me.

Chloe talks Daniel into getting married right away. AGAIN! This time he doesn't want to rush. It never ends with these people. Daniel calls Melanie and she's like WHATTTT??!! Melanie doesn't think it's a good idea and it sucks when she is right and no one listens. She's having a mini Maggie moment. Daniel and his daughter discuss Chloe but he still wants to marry her. Side note: Carly has been in surgery way to freaking long. Chloe and Daniel's surgeries combined didn't take this long. Chloe decides to call Nicole and BLAB about everything and of course Melanie walks in. Though Melanie didn't really hear anything, I still hope she smacks the cray cray lady.

Previews: Jennifer tells Laura she is not ready to say goodbye. Well yeah cause once it's over they aren't keeping you on contract...LIKE THEY SHOULD!Although maybe its better they don't screw up another old character. Nevermind.

Kate looks at Maddie's papers and says that Stefano cannot possibly know about this. It's coming folks. Right now I am at I TOL...and getting ready to pull out the rest. Chad..your mother is a hooker...and your dad..PIMP!

Chloe asks Daniel if he doesn't want to marry her. I say don't marry her and just have living in sin sex with one another at this point. I don't mind these two together but she needs a vacation, some shock therapy, and a prayer. Add a baby and this just spells years of annoying problems. Good Luck to the Danloe fans, this about to get UGLIER!