Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Bold and the Bitchy!

EJ watches Sami on his creepy spy cam, as Sami watched Sydney on the video, as Rafe comes in to watch Sami watching the video of Sydney on her laptop. PHEWWW that was tough to explain.

Nathan and Stephanie are still on their romantic getaway. Nathan compares Stephanie to Lindsey Vonn. So Nathan is not only slowwww he also is blind. See Stephanie is not blond, tall, or has an athletic build as Lindsey Vonn does. Stephanie is a short, thin, brunette. While both are attractive are slow!

Carly the Pier DUH....and leaving Daniel the typical baby momma message on Daniel's cell phone. The guests on Maury Povich have better manners RUDE! But not as RUDE as the BAD HAIR DAY that Carly is totally having.

Melanie wakes up and guess who is there..DANIEL. He just has to stare at every female patient who steps foot in that hospital, even his daughter! As Mel and Danny are chatting they use big words like antediluvian and sesquipedalian. Um I don't know which fan mailed in a thesaurus to the Days writing staff but I demand that they stop with the big challenging words every week. It is unfair to the actors to have to memorize words they haven't even heard of AND let's face it, only about 29% of the audience knows what those words mean.

EJ remains his creepy self. He even talks to the laptop now because guess what..the laptop does not talk back! He says "Big Brother is watching you Samantha" I say that everyday to my friend Samantha. In fact, I film her too. She doesn't know. Okay this is a lie but you get my point!

Chloe and Philip are at the pub and talk about the crazies in their lives. Unfortunately this is only an hour show so their convo gets cut down to 30 seconds.

Daniel assures Melanie that there is nothing wrong with her. Even Melanie has trouble believing that! Melanie starts talking about Carly, the shooting, how she wouldn't be here (literally) if it were not for Daniel and then Daniel starts getting emotional....when really he is thinking "why the hell did I not wear a condom"

Ej growls and lectures the laptop some more. Next week he will be taking the laptop and spanking it over his knee.

Nathan is tired of Stephanie bringing up the subject of Melanie...quite frankly so am I. Steph insists on talking about her...GIRL CRUSH! Team Stephanie...oh wait crap! If you put their names together it spells Stephanie. Hmm okay let's try the reverse....Team Melanie. Crap!
Okay Team.....Mestephanie....sounds medical!

Philip tells Chloe that the board wants to discipline Daniel for letting Carly in Mel's room. Obviously this won't work out because no one works at the hospital so they will let it go.

Rafe wants to see the video that EJ shared with Sami...she is quick to say NO. I think its fairly obvious Sami was looking at porn. As Sami is about to admit this, EJ has a tiny stroke saying "don't u dooo ittttttt"

Daniel starts crying in front of Melanie....probably because he does not understand why he is still wearing a scarf indoors. Melanie believes it has to do with Carly so let's bash her! BTW the cool new drinking game is "Bash Carly" Every time a character on Days badmouths Carly we we should all be drunk about half way through the show.

Philip and Daniel start chatting about the board. Let the father/son-in-law male bonding commence! As they start their conversation, Chloe and Carly start to talk at the pub. And clearly Carly is not only failing at making friends...she cannot even do her hair and makeup.

EJ calls Sami and tells her she needs to shut the hell up. He wants Samantha to come over and comfort him because apparently dropping off large sums of money is traumatizing.

Phil crawls into bed with Mel. They chat about shootings, bad moms, possible fathers...your typical newlywed shit.

Chloe claims she "knows everything" when really all she knows is that she has 3 sessions left of tanning she has to get to. Carly is like OMG I can't believe Daniel told you!!! Insert foot in mouth of course! Chloe does not understand how Carly can live with herself...when really she means "who told you that shade of lipstick is pretty" Apparently Carly believes in a higher power, and its not GOD because he has better fashion sense. So Carly let's it slip that Daniel is Melanie's dad....because she is an idiot.

Sami lies some more to Rafe. Meanwhile, EJ is holding Sydney and teaching her how to spy on others. Dimera Nursery School....I like it! Rafe goes to look at the laptop, but it seems he has trouble finding the on button. Mr. Popular gets a phone call and leaves. However, the laptop gets its own personal close up and is the new hot character on the show!

As Sami and EJ bond over their lies and how good they are at it, Nathan and Stephanie are all glowy after having some more boring sex. Its soooo boring that Nathan checks his texts and realizes his grandmother has been trying to reach him. KINKY!

Chloe becomes a different shade of Orange as she realizes Daniel is Melanie's father. Carly and her horrible hair realize: OMG I AM AN IDIOT! I am buying Carly a muzzle...who is in?? Chloe cannot believe that Daniel is the father. Of course here comes Daniel straight from the tanning bed, and he is PISSED that Carly told Chloe. He totally wanted to do it over a candlelight dinner and sex on the couch.

EJ believes Sami is ruining his plans, when really all she is doing is demonstrating how stupid this whole plot really is. Basically it's all Rafe's fault if they never see Sydney again....not EJ's who has her kidnapped like a mile down the road.

Phillip thinks its possible Melanie's dad might be a great guy! And Melanie has the quote of the day with, "He hooked up with a trigger happy, husband stabbing, lying piece of trash" Not only a knock on Carly, but also commentary on her mother's style choices. Okay how many people thought she was talking about their own mom when she said this....HANDS?? Anyone?

Carly tries to explain to Daniel that she essentially has a big mouth. Daniel is furious with her for killing his chances with Chloe in the sack. She explains that she also told Bo....they need stuff to talk about after their sexual escapades and it just came up. The subject was Carly's attraction to hairy men. Daniel is afraid someone other than him will tell Melanie the truth about her father. It is funny because the longer he waits....the MORE LIKELY THAT WILL HAPPEN DOC! Daniel wants Carly to shut up, and SO do I and the rest of the audience. Chloe is now super annoyed and here comes Chloe the BITCH 2010...i am excited!

Melanie and Phillip have a cute, funny conversation about how crappy Mother's Day is going to be this year. Then out of nowhere Philip mentions Daniel and Melanie's connection. So the Days writers have now learned about foreshadowing. Good work! A new nurse walks in, and she must be new because she is ACTUALLY working. After Philip leaves, Mel wonders where Nathan yeah she is the only one.

Nathan and Stephanie arrive back in Salem and the first place they go...JAVA CAFE..where all the cool kids go of course! I think the Days crew really pumps the actors with caffeine so they stay awake in scenes.

At the Brady Pub, Daniel and Chloe talk about Melanie and Carly. Daniel is dumb enough to say that he hopes things will not change between them. Apparently Daniel does not realize he is dating a girl who is only about 8 years older than his kid....AWKWARD!

Carly heads back to....where else??? THE PIER and her and Rafe start talking. It figures that the two biggest morons in town would bond right about now. Carly starts talking and says..."ever have one of those days, one of those lives?" I have never heard of product placement for the actual show that the audience is watching...NICE MOVE. Carly then decides to change the subject to something totally fun and its SAMI!! Rafe is now so sad he might actually jump off the pier. Rafe says Sami is a MESS.....*whispers* it was a personal shoutout and I enjoyed it....thank u Galen!

EJ comforts Sami and she mentions that Rafe is her rock! I will not make a "Rafe is stupid" joke here because I feel its just too easy.

Philip runs into Stephanie at the cafe..she is like "what are u doing here?" He actually doesn't know why either. Nathan gets to the hospital and finds out Mel got shot. Even his scrawny ass gets by the cop quickly as he flips the badge. Melanie sees him and gives him a smirk...I think she passed gas.

Carly suggests to Rafe that Sami get some professional help. By professional she means a Doctor who actually works. Also, I enjoy the fact that the Lady who talks to her Dead Husband is suggesting someone else get psychiatric help! Rafe even had a moment where he wanted to roll his eyes.

Sami is all hugging EJ and telling him how wonderful he is. She likes when EJ shows the nice guy that she always knew was within him. See everyone...this is how you should compliment your rapist!! Notes from Sami Brady. WELL DONE!

Previews: Carly starts screaming as usual to Bo: I think its actually pent up anger at the fact her and Bo aren't having sex and her hair is turning on her.
Daniel lets Vivian have it! No he does not offer to have sex with Vivian although I could see that happening with Dr. McHappyPants. He wants Vivian to stay away from Melanie..because Melanie is his bitch now.
Melanie and Nathan: they stare at each other awkwardly and ponder their friendship/relationship. Who thinks one of them ate paint chips as a kid??

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