The Young and the Lifeless

Sami curses the thought of EJ and the fact he is making her lie. She is wearing Pink and I completely blame EJ for this! Rafe wants Sami to talk to him, when really he wants her to cry on him because the guy likes being her personal snot rag. THAT'S why he always changes his clothes.

Ethan and Theresa start having a nice little chat...then they realize they are Brady and Arianna and start making out.

Everyone is wearing different clothes, which means a DAY has FINALLY gone by...this excites me! Anna and EJ talk *whispers* he is not in his dirty pink shirt anymore. As Anna and EJ discuss how well she followed his orders, Rafe is whimpering because Sami will not tell him the truth. Next Rafe will attempt door scratching to get info.

And here comes Beverly Hills, Get me the FUCK outta here! Gabi sees Chad working at the Java Cafe, the cooler version of Kinko's. Selena Gomez and Justin Beiber are chatting it up when in walks Taylor Swift. Its like Teen Beat exploded onto the Days set!

EJ starts bugging Anna about what she's accomplished. Apparently he forgets that Anna does not really work and she is a glorified kidnapping nanny.

Rafe is STILL badgering Sami about what EJ told her. He clearly did not go to the School of Maggie Horton when it comes to getting the goods outta someone.

And here comes ROMAN......the day just got shittier. He throws Brady under the bus, breaking guy code and letting Arianna overhear that Bradykins wants to visit Nicole in prison.....and that wig.

Will is really happy to have a HO BAG like Mia there for him. As she hugs him she undresses Chad with her lustful teeny bopper eyes. Clearly Chad is Mia's Edward. He is tall, looks like a vampire, and thoughtful before he forgets to wear a condom.

EJ applauds Anna for her skills at kidnapping and babysitting. He says Rafe and Sami will come to an end.......hopefully so will this storyline sometime soon! Rafe DOES NOT drop the subject of EJ and we commence with RED LOBSTER Sami time!

Brady REALLY wants to be the one to tell Nicole Sydney is dead...why don't you just slap her and steal her favorite black wig while you're at it!

Mia walks over to Chad and asks him to help her cheer Will up!! So apparently Chad will pick out the lingerie and music for the sexy times she will have with her new boyfriend?

EJ explains to Anna he has NO feelings for Sami, he just wants his family all together...in a loveless marriage based on a complete LIE...there is clearly nothing wrong with that! EJ calls Sami to interrupt the stupid Rafe/Sami argument and orders her to get rid of the dumb ape....Rafe btw...it gets confusing on this show with all the morons. Rafe and Sami kiss very awkwardly before he leaves because he loves her that much to show her how he feels: AWKWARD.

Arianna goes to....where else....THE PIER, where my bar the MESSY DOCKS will open in 2012. Brady explains that Nicole deserves to know the truth. Arianna uses cue cards to draw and diagram for the idiot that Nicole is EVIL.

Chad and Gabi discuss how he has a sketchy past...aka I'm gonna have sex with you so be prepared, get on the Pill, and let's do this shit!

EJ tells Sami he got another ransom note!! YAY its a party now!

Will tells Gabi he is really happy that Mia is always there for him. Yeah he'll change his tune when he catches chlamydia from her!

Brady and Arianna have the same old Nicole convo. It's so bad Brady even admits "we always have this conversation."

Chad and Mia discuss their feelings, how they've changed, and what they went through. And did you all know their baby died, because they only bring it up every time they see each other. I'd rather be watching the tampon commercial!

Rafe vows for the 1,768th time to find out who is behind the Sydney kidnapping. But THIS TIME he means it! Meanwhile EJ burns the note, and Sami stares at the fire a litttllllleeee tooooo longggg there. Sami's computer then beeps and she starts crying....clearly she opened a virus!

Brady is still talking, Arianna is still screeching, and I am listening to the fake waves crash along the pier. Arianna tells Brady he needs to change...Hopefully he does not think that this means he just has to change his clothes, because Brady has trouble getting food in his mouth at times.

Gabi wonders if Mia is really into Will. That's what the audience has been asking for the past year, because Will is soooooo not exciting and clearly does not take after his scheming parents.
Chad and Mia on the other hand discuss how Mia was in the wrong and how she still thinks about Chad........while sleeping with Will.

Rafe and Roman discuss how they are going to find the bad guys! Yay, lets all dress up and help them....oh wait the audience isn't dumb enough sorry!

Sami sees Sydney and starts the daily waterworks show, while EJ gets super duper excited that his child has grown. My favorite part of the video is the cheesy subtitled video demands. Obviously EJ and Anna realized that Sami may need things literally spelled out for her.

Brady is still talking and needs to buy a clue. This is why I plan on moving to Salem and sell "clues" where I will make a million dollars a year.

As Gabi and Will are chatting, Chad and Mia are discussing how much they still like each other...and here comes the KISS. Let's pray he brought the condom this time.

Roman tries to explain Sami to Rafe because I guess he forgot that they are dating. I could not translate what Roman said because there was too much mumbling...but Rafe got outta there like a bat outta hell it was so bad...and he runs off to see Sami.

EJ explains to Sami he got his 5 million back from the FBI so he and Sami can go shopping!!! Wait, no they can pay the ransom...sorry! Yeah he will take care of everything and get Sydney back, as they both simultaneously turn that special shade of RED.

Brady plans of taking Arianna someplace special...if its to the jailhouse he might be the worst boyfriend ever, if its to the bedroom then boooo boring, they always end up there.

Will explains to Gabi that he knows he and Mia will make it....as Chad and Mia make OUT. Clearly, Chad does NOT have a condom because he stops her and tells her this is all wrong. Mia outta nowhere then makes the bitchiest statement about how she don't care about right and wrong. I bet any amount of money that Mia is Nicole's daughter...DUN DUN DUN...yeah I said it!

EJ heads back to the cabin to chill with Anna, as he evilly laughs and Anna pats herself on the back for her video skills. Apparently Days is now up to date because Anna is aware the Oscars are on Sunday...on another network...that may or may not be owned by Disney. We learn that EJ sent Sami a Trojan with the video....a virus btw not the condoms, although Sami could use as many condoms as she can. As if EJ was not creepy enough, the virus allows him to watch and see what Sami is doing and typing. Right now, for instance he is watching her cry over and over again for no reason whatsoever! And here comes Rafe.......*whispers* I don't think he will see the video....just an educated guess.

Previews: Chloe jumps on the "YOU A HO CARLY" train and attacks the Doctor who always manages to put that foot in her mouth as she tells Chloe: Danny is my baby daddy!
Ej watches the "Rafe and Sami" show all while doing his own commentary...screaming "Don't you do it".....He gets a little tired of watching Sami cry too.
Stephanie wants to talk to Nathan about Melanie.....apparently even she is so bored by sex with Nathan that she wants to talk about Mel!