The Young and the Freaking Annoying

Nicole calls Anna a bitch once again. It was quite enjoyable. Now we just need someone to call EJ a Fucktard, or the television friendly equivalent..Son of a Bitch Bastard! Nicole points out that she recognizes her voice from that day with the bad wig. Anna admits that she took Sydney. Wait, that was way too easy. Anna must have gotten drunk off the tiny bottles of alcohol on the plane.

EJ is at Sami's place, where else would he be? He follows her around like a little pitbull. It's pathetic. She probably needed space, that is why she forced herself to spend time with her kids. EJ tells Sydney, who will eventually tattle on her dad, that his plan is working. He is going to make Sami fall in love with him and then break her heart. Crap, we have to watch what happened like two years ago all over again. Storyline Re-boots piss me off.

Stefano wants to see Sydney...the baby not the location. He and Kate talk about Sami and how to deal with the whole situation. Kate says she has a plan on how Stefano can see Sydney. Hopefully this plan does not involve poisoning someone like she normally does.

Melanie busts into Carly's hearing. I have a love for staring time. The judge gets, well judgmental, and lets Melanie know that she is a rude little brat. Okay not really, he says its a closed hearing. She explains that she is Mrs. K the girl who Manning shot. She has something she wants to say....*whispers* hope we can hear it through all the blubbering that will commence.

Oh its Teen day!! Good thing it's St. Patty's Day because I drink when they are on. Chad serves Gabi coffee with a massive amount of sugar in it. Well, that explains why Gabi does not shut up. Mia the little ho walks in, and we have flashback to Chad/Mia mackdown. Anyone else puke a little in their mouth? Gabi asks Chad whats wrong...apparently she's never seen a bulge in a boy's pants before.

Nicole yells at Anna for stealing her baby. Anna admits to causing Global warming...I KNEW it was her and her hairspray. Glad that prison is really reforming Nicole's way of thinking. The taxpayers should be pleased. Anna explains that Nicole is the real baby stealer. Only in Salem would two women argue over who the better baby stealer is! Anna goes to leave, but Nicole threatens to call Roman. OMG the thought of Roman scares the shit out of Anna....*whispers* me too eeeeek.

The Judge lets Melanie in to talk. Liking how Melanie makes even her mom's trial about HER. Wondering whether she got her Attention Whorish attitude from mom or dad...Gonna go with Dad. Justin objects to Melanie speaking...well don't we all? Carly wants her to talk. Really the only reason Carly wants her to talk is because she considers her attempted murder trial as bonding time.

Mia and Chad do their staring thing. Next thing you know they will be doing it in the bathroom. Will brings Mia coffee...the little bitch should not be getting caffeine. Will loves that he and Mia are exclusive. They kiss...EWWW. Will is quickly becoming as special as Nathan and Brady. Gabi notices Chad staring at Mia...well he has seen her naked. Chad then dumps Gabi because he is not over Mia. Did that just happen that quickly? Wait what show is this? Chad is not OVER Mia. He has been UNDER her, ON TOP of her, OFF to the side of her....but never OVER her.

Anna thinks its funny Nicole thinks Roman will listen to her. Roman is a cop in Salem, he does not know how to listen. Nicole thinks he will listen, but Anna reminds her she has no proof. Loving how Anna even knows that Roman is a moron who will not figure shit out. Anna reminds Nicole that she shares a child with Roman and that Nicole put Sami through hell. Thinking he will believe the one who can translate his mumbling.

Bo and Justin think its a bad idea to let Melanie speak at the hearing. Funny how they all fear listening to Melanie talk and cry at the same time. Carly wants to hear her talk. Carly is really into punishing herself these days. That or she might be in shock that she shares DNA with Melanie, the blubbering hot mess. The Judge lets her talk and Melanie is ready to start shit.

Kate calls Will. Apparently she wants to buy her grandchildren's love with tons of presents. Now that is a grandma! So she is really using Will to get to Sami and the children. Not even sure if this is a good/bad thing. Will is going to head home so Kate can come over. Kate let's Stefano know what's going on. Stefano and Kate should just keep to themselves and their Botox sessions.

Will lets Mia know he has to go. She decides to stay at the Java Cafe until Will comes back. He kisses her again..ewww please stop it! Then she looks at Chad. The looks that Mia and Chad had at each other were very sexual and very "I hope someone brought a condom." This girl Mia is a big slut.

Anna says CUI BONO? Days now has bought themselves a Latin dictionary. The idea of Roman knowing Latin is like Stefano eventually dying....NEVER would happen. Nicole brings up Tony. Tony should come back and start shit with everyone because these bitches all need a lesson.

Melanie brings up her past with Carly. Essentially she explains what a dumbass Carly Manning has been for the past couple of months. Then she reveals that Carly is her mom...which makes her ashamed to the point she hides her face. Perhaps she does not realize her mom gets Botox, and that she can only look like her with some needle persuasion. Carly is a big old liar now, and Bo chimes in that Melanie is being a little brat. Bo is playing Captain Obvious today.

Mia is making everyone queasy today. The slut is just radiating off her body. Chad tells her he kicked Gabi and her boring ass to the curb. Mia wants to go out with Chad, but makes it a point that no one should know, especially Will. Hoping Mia gets an STD that will make her sterile. This little tramp should not breed.

Will gets home and chats with EJ. Voting this the most BORING scene of the day. EJ gets a call that there is an emergency, but Stefano is behind it in order to get EJ out of Sami's place. I want my 2 minutes back people.

Nicole talks about how Tony died. Anna flips out and blames Nicole for having a part in his death. The light switch in Nicole's brain finally goes off. She realizes that kidnapping Sydney was her way of getting back at her. The smart moments on the show are the Kodak Moments.

The judge tells Bo to "simmma down now." Melanie finishes up her story, and here comes the crying. Carly is crying, Melanie is crying, the Judge is breaking out the Kleenex, and Justin has a handkerchief. Melanie admits that Carly shooting her was an accident. Awwwww the truth...it must really be a Holiday. Bo actually laughs at Melanie's joke that Carly cannot handle a cup of coffee let alone a gun. Carly is still crying....aren't we all?

Chad does not understand why he has to lie about dating Mia.....I'm guessing he is new in town. She comes up with the lame excuse of Sydney being back and dealing with EJ..so Will cannot multitask. Mia then kisses Chad in such a way that the show should be renamed the "Porn of our lives."

Will is talking to Sydney....that poor baby. Kate shows up with gifts. She literally makes the Iphone uncool. Stefano pops up from behind the door. Will complains but Stefano is one smooth talker. Will realizes the gifts were bribes...wow he really is slow. Stefano calls himself Nonno and Sydney giggles. It is so cute, and Stefano should open up a daycare center, where all the kids get brainwashed eventually.

Anna hates just about everyone in Salem. She rips into Nicole for stealing Sydney to begin with. She even makes prison jokes....I love this woman! Nicole then comments on how it only took one phone call to get Anna to come to the jail. These two need their own show dammit.

Kate and Will go to the Java cafe. He is nervous about his mom finding out, but Kate mention Sami is being watched. That was not at all a creepy piece of information to share. Will is sad Mia was not there. Going to be ILL. EJ sees them there and realizes what is going on. The grease is extra greasy today.

Anna claims she was with Carrie and Austin..WHO I MISS...and that she has an alibi for the kidnapping. Nicole lets Anna know that the Guard is her bitch and she will call Carrie. How the hell did she get her number?

Mia and Chad are at the.....PIER....Carly is not there because of the hearing..RUDE. They start making out, and its so steamy I may be pregnant. The PIER is the most romantic place in Salem! She loses her ugly necklace and stops him before anyone catches them. Chad wants him some sex time, but T interrupts them with a text. Who calls their friends "T"? Mia leaves to go get her paycheck...Really want to make a hooker joke. Chad finds her necklace and Gabi walks up to him.....the drama is killing me!

The Judge asks for a few people to leave the room. He tells Carly and Melanie not to speak to one another...Like anyone really wants to talk to Carly. The Judge notices that Carly pleaded guilty to something she did not do. Wait, did he REALLY have to mention that? Bo tells Carly this is good news, and Carly the Debbie Downer says yeah but what is going to happen now that I'm not going to jail. The irony is...Carly would have gotten tons more loving in prison that she will in Salem.

Gabi needs Kinsey's contact information from Chad. Well that was a lame excuse to talk to Chad. Chad cannot stand her either...THANK GOD...and runs away, leaving the necklace. Now, Gabi is left holding the necklace. Does the necklace really need this many closeups? Also, this teen drama is so riveting... getting goosebumps over here!

Stefano is talking to Sydney, when EJ storms in, picks her up, and carries her away. He tells him to stay away from Sydney. What a rude son of a bitch!

Anna calls Nicole on her threat and tells her to call Austin. Nicole wants Anna's entire itinerary from the past couple of months. Nicole is going to call Rafe now, which causes Anna to tremble in her ugly boots. See Roman she can work with, but Rafe? Rafe has those powerful eyebrows that intimidate people.

Judge decides to throw out the charges against Carly since it was an accident. However, she is still on probation for other stuff. Bo gives her a BEAR HUG. She mouths "thank you" to Melanie who nods her head approvingly. That was a very special moment...too bad Melanie will freak out on her in the next ten seconds.

Gabi and Will run into one another...at the PIER. Will sees her holding the necklace and asks where she got it. She lets him know Chad had it. OMG it is getting so good now.......not really, still drinking over here.

Bo cannot wait to celebrate with Carly...anyone else think "celebrate" means "Let's have tons of bell ringing sex." He gives her a kiss goodbye, and she gets some beard burn. Carly approaches Melanie and thanks her for everything and touches Melanie. Melanie freaks and tells Carly not to ever touch her.........kind of funny that she lets Daniel of all people touch her, but NOT Carly.

EJ tells Stefano he realized what was going on when he saw Kate and Will. Stefano has no right to see Sydney. Wow he is really furious at his dad. We have NEVER seen EJ this mad. Love when they try new things with a character. This was SARCASM.

Nicole and Anna are still arguing. Anna says she admits to nothing, but wants to know what Nicole wants. Nicole looks so happy. Perhaps jail isn't so bad...when all these people go to jail good things happen for them. Nicole needs to head back to Salem and rip EJ apart.

Previews: Vivian tells Victor that Carly's life is over. Hmmm guessing Vivian knows nothing yet, and the poor thing is having hair issues again. Maybe this time she'll realize it is better to bury Carly as a corpse and not alive.

Melanie screeches to the high heavens that she wants nothing to do with Carly. Carly is now a crying hot mess all over again. Thinking Carly should just give up, have a kid with Bo and start from scratch because she ain't winning any Mother of the Year awards from Melanie or Nicky.

Anna asks Nicole if she wants her to bust her out of jail. Thelma and Louise popped into my head for some odd reason. These two going on the run would be hysterical. Anna should smuggle Nicole out using her bad wardrobe.