Wednesday, March 24, 2010

One Sex Life To Live....It's Bo and Carly's!

Bo and Carly are still dry humping each other. This is one of those moments when being on the PIER is really annoying and they should move along to a bedroom please, or at least Bo's sofa. Bo actually stops the sexy times to say that he will be there for Carly, and Carly loves him so much. Does anyone have a cigarette? Dear Lord. Vivian wants to know if Carly drugs the men she dates or hypnotizes them. Even though Carly has access to prescriptions, she clearly hypnotizes men with the Green eyes and the ass powers. Vivian wonders how intelligent men fall for Carly. Okay wait Roll Call....Lawrence...yeah not that smart.....Bo...well DUH...Victor eh sometimes, but then again NO...and Daniel....the Flatline noise confuses him. When has Carly dated an intelligent guy?

Hope is doing her job again, and has Bo flashbacks. Oddly enough I have Bo flashbacks at random moments of the day too, but mine usually focus on pool table sex. Justin comes in and accuses Hope of playing God. First off, way to insult GOD and secondly Hope is closer to the Grim Reaper than she is to the Almighty.

Abe is with Sami and really no clue as to why. Since when does the Mayor visit people based on the release of a prisoner? Abe says he is having the place watched. Wouldn't it have been creepy if Abe was having the house watched all along and he this town creeper peeper? A girl can dream! Sami goes off a little more than she normally does. Sami is about an 8 on the scale of Whacked Out Sami. She even admits to wanting to kill the Governor...normally people are arrested for that!

Victor and Rafe are still chatting, after the two dumbasses realize Anna pulled the whole thing off. The Governnor and EJ are also chatting about the same thing. He explains that Anna blackmailed him, and EJ insists that he will find out what she blackmailed him with and then use that to ruin Jim. Well way to expose your whole plan there EJ. EJ wants to know everything that Anna told Jim. Hopefully he shares with him the kinky shit we all missed...maybe it will make EJ puke and go away for a bit.

The Justice runs into Nicole and thinks she is the Bride.Usually people think the women who are dressed in white dresses are the Bride's but to each his own. Some random lady is dressing Arianna for the wedding. The pearl necklace breaks and the lady starts freaking out that something bad will happen. Well yeah you just broke a necklace you moron. By the way this further proves my theory that Brady is pearl necklace broke!

The Justice of the Peace tells Nicole everything about Arianna and Brady getting married. This dude should of signed a confidentiality agreement. Nicole is excited she got there in time to stop the wedding. The lady dresser tells Arianna that since the pearls were from her fiancee it means the marriage will not last. You do not need a psychic to tell you a marriage will not work out in Salem. Nicole talks to herself and then Brady finally sees her and stares at her. Love how seeing Nicole leaves Brady wait he is just dumb.

Justin is annoyed with Hope for bringing Adrienne to Salem. Actually I'm kind of happy she brought her back. Dammit I'm on Hope's side again for fucks sake. Justin thinks Hope did all this so she would not move on from Bo. Why in hell would Hope be interested in Justin? Seriously say she has moved on, why is Justin so conceited as to think it would be with him? There is a better chance of Hope eating a hamburger than to be really interested in Justin of all people. Hope reveals her wedding ring is off and she is ready to move on. Bet that the ring fell off her skeleton finger because she lost more weight.

Vivian asks Carly if she brings all her "studs" to the PIER. Vivian lets Bo know that the day before Carly brought the guy who knocked her up to the PIER too. Carly does meet many people at the PIER. In fact, she is a big PIER WHORE. Bo threatens Vivian and tells her if she does not stop harassing Carly then he will end her life. He should just torture her and talk to her everyday.

Victor thinks that Anna got the pardon to get back at EJ. Rafe wonders what Anna had on the Governor to blackmail him. Thankfully Victor sets him straight and points out that the Governor is a frat boy...they should have both just went ewwwwwww at the thought of Jim and Anna.

Jim says Anna never mentioned EJ and then asks for money. Really hope that was a sarcastic joke. EJ calls the man a parasite...apparently EJ has not looked in the mirror. EJ calls Anna, who is sitting on her plane. Again, how the hell can you use the cellphone on a plane?? It is NOT allowed in the REAL WORLD.

Brady cannot believe it is really Nicole. She explains that she got a pardon. Brady feels that Nicole should have really called. You think?! Nicole says that everything has changed now. Well yes the wig is off and you have makeup on!!

Sami points out that Nicole did not have any friends...because you have TONS of friends yourself Sami. Just because half the town consists of your family and children DOES NOT mean you have friends. Love how Abe knows that Chloe is TWEEDLEDUM. Abe does not think Nicole's friends..Brady and Chloe the town morons..could manage a pardon. They realize it has to be someone with "clout"...the word of the who can it be? Oh God Sami is actually talking about her Rafe problems with Abe...WHYYYY???????

Rafe wonders what the connection between Nicole and Anna is. Victor says they are both greedy and stupid women who married DiMeras. I love Victor but he keeps stealing my potential snarky jokes and I am starting to resent him!

Arianna is annoyed by this woman freaking out on her. Apparently the "pearls never lie." My God Passions has better storylines than this one! Meanwhile, Brady calls the prison to make sure that Nicole is not lying. Nicole says she is done lying, but as Brady points out she kind of lied just then when she said she was there for business. Brady explains he is there to get that only gives Nicole even more reason to stay you moron. Why not invite her to the wedding and have her come up before they ask that wonderful "does anyone object" question??

Bo tells Vivian he is not joking and will really kill the bitch....Vivian by the way, not Carly, Hope, Nicole, Sami, or any other bitch in Salem. Vivian notices that Bo loves Carly. Well the Captain Obvious of the award goes to: Vivian Alamain!!! Go Viv! Vivian thinks it is really unfair that he loves Carly. Well it is unfair we have to watch this show but you know what we do!

Justin is worried about is most of the audience..feed her! Justin then goes on and on about his feelings for Hope. UGH. He is in love with her. Thankfully Adrienne overhears everything and is there to break up the lovefest with awkward tension. Luckily Adrienne's hair is also short so no one has to hold it when she throws up over the fact Justin loves Hope.

Anna is giddy because EJ will never find her. Did the DiMera's lose all their connections and we were not told? EJ realizes that Nicole remembered everything so Anna helped her out. Anna has flashbacks of those good times with Nicole, but lets EJ know she covered for him. Before she can insult him he hangs up. EJ is RUDE! Is Anna really leaving because her comedic timing is needed on this show?!

Nicole gets upset Brady is marrying a drug dealer. Guessing that Nicole has forgotten every bad thing she has done in this very moment! Brady points out that he is in love and Arianna is not a dealer. Way to insult dealers across America...they can get married too you know! Nicole does not want Brady hurt, and he reminds her that SHE actually hurt him. Nicole wants him to be happy so she takes it upon herself to kiss him...and of course here is what appears to be a TOGA. People need to learn to make out in confined spaces where there are no windows or video equipment.

EJ gets to Sami's place and tells her that it was Anna who blackmailed the Governor. Sami is more confused than usual, and in walks Rafe to make it worse. Rafe says that Nicole must have remembered that it was Anna who kidnapped the baby. Great now they will all hate Anna for a few months and completely ignore the fact that EJ is a bastard.

Adrienne asks to speak to Hope alone for some girl talk...why the hell would she punish herself like that? Justin apologizes for announcing that he loves made many people vomit at the same time. I'm not accepting his apology! Adrienne tells him to beat it and then goes after Hope. She points out that Bo dumped her..YES! she went after her husband...well NO! Can Adrienne stay forever based on this ass whooping that Hope is finally getting?

Vivian is annoyed that Carly killed Larry and gets her happy ending. No one is ever happy know this! You can still torture her and not kill her you know! Bo tells her if she is not careful she will be joining Larry in hell....yeah like the bastard is really dead....not buying it!

Sami goes from nuts to bonkers. She wants Anna to pay for her crimes. Alllllllll of a slutttennn Sami wants the kidnapper to pay??! How convenient! Rafe tells them about his Nicole visit and how the pardon made her shut up. EJ wants Anna brought to trial, rightttttttttt. Rafe wants to question Nicole...the pathological liar.....can he use the "truth serum" he used on Stefano?? That stuff would come in handy for the whole town ya' know!

Arianna yells at Nicole for being out of jail. She thinks she should have gone to Brazil instead because Brazil does not have extradition. Does it freak anyone else out that Arianna knows this?? Brady says that Nicole was pardoned. Nicole says it was a kiss goodbye and goes to leave but Arianna stops her. Unless she smacks the crap out of Nicole, there is NO reason for Arianna to stop her from leaving.

Bo keeps threatening Vivian...if I were Vivian I'd just give Bo a great big bear hug and pinch his cheeks. He is so cute when he tries to threaten someone. Vivian decides that maybe it is best to let go of the grudge. Carly finally talks!! It is a miracle she is able to speak for herself! Carly ain't buying that Vivian wants to let bygones be bygones. Vivian won't say "au revoir" just goodbye? Um, has she taken French lessons because um that makes no sense? Carly thinks she is lying...Bo just wants to take Carly and do some lying bed.

Hope explains how this is all Adrienne's fault. Had she not kicked him out then Justin would not have been crushed. Adrienne does not care about Justin. Finally a character agrees with us!

Sami thinks that Anna and Nicole might be working together. Sami is still shocked it was Anna, and EJ plays the victim saying it was his fault because of the Tony drama. It IS all your fault!Sami does not know how Anna knew Nicole was in Cleveland.....does this mean Cleveland is right by Salem? EJ really starts to throw himself under the bus to the point where it is annoyingly obvious he was in on it. He "understands" if Sami never forgives him. Really hope Nicole figures it out and tortures the asshole.

Arianna yells at Nicole and says she is there to break up the wedding. She then makes a big speech about how Nicole planned to see them on their wedding and that was how she would ruin their wedding. HUH? WHAT? She might as well be speaking Spanish because who can translate the crap coming out of her mouth. She says she is okay with not marrying Brady. How did we get here?

Hope thinks that Adrienne obviously came to Salem because she still loves Justin. Well actually when you tell someone that the father of their children is in trouble...normal people actually come running to help them. Adrienne calls Hope out on her shit and says this is all about Hope and Bo. Hope seriously needs to get out and date more. Is there like a town chef who is available?? Free romance and free food!!

Bo and Carly are doing IT. Carly is not wearing a bra by the way. (Bra Debacle is still fresh in our minds Crystal Chappell!!) Carly stops him....these two have GOT to stop interrupting each other when they are making out! She wants to know if Bo will really kill Vivian. Um, way to ruin the mood Carly! Bo points out that they should be having the sex!! He says that its only important that Vivian is threatened by the idea and that Victor will back him up. Carly thinks its actually over....and there is her dumb moment of the day. When does Vivian ever let anything go? Anyways they are going back to eating each other's faces and dry humping!

Vivian tells Victor that she will not kill Carly and she will marry Victor. On the bright side, maybe marrying Victor will kill Kate. Vivian wants Victor to trust her that she will not kill Carly. Honestly, it would be nice to see Vivian go after Kate because those two just have the best old lady fights ever. Praying for the Days when we see them hitting each other with their canes and walkers.

Sami is a moron and tells EJ he should not blame himself. Rafe comes in and says he has news to share. Rafe needs to do us all a favor and drop his gun so it shoots one of them because this love triangle is getting so old. EJ is a rapist...please escort him to the door!

Brady tells Arianna that he loves her and wants to get married. He also loves Nicole, and Nicole takes the chance to say that Arianna is having doubts. Someone make them all stop talking!

Adrienne says that Bo is with Carly. WHOA! Someone actually said something that was true. This better not be a dream sequence! She tells Hope she needs to move on and then leaves. Adrienne is officially my new favorite character. Now she just has to friends with Carly and this would make it the perfect situation.

Speaking of Carly....she appears to be with Bo although it is kind of hard to tell because they are so close that legally they could be considered one person. There was an I love you Princess somewhere in there, but the heavy breathing distracted me and where is that damn cigarette? Vivian says that Bo and Carly are together but not for long. This makes Victor happy. Of course with the amount of sex that they are having Bo and Carly are none the wiser that Vivian will eventually break them up instead of killing them.

Rafe announces that Nicole is in Santo Domingo. Sami wants to know why she is there. Well, after jail the girl needed a vacation dammit. Brady tells Nicole to shut up, and begs Arianna to also kind of shut up. Arianna says that Nicole being free changes everything. Brady says he knows what he wants and asks her if she still wants to get married. As if this was not torture enough we then get a closeup of them all. How does getting a closer view of Arianna's nostrils leave me wanting more?

Previews: Kate and Stefano: If SHE had half a brain she'd stay away from Salem and the family. Kate says this and it could literally be about anyone in this dumbass town. In fact, can all the women be in attendance for Kate's speech because they all need to realize that they all lack a thing called intelligence....Except Adrienne because she is obviously a smart as hell out of towner.

Rafe says that Anna was not acting alone. Wow, how did he figure that out? Could it be that everyone knows Anna is not smart enough to plan out something like this?? Fat chance!

Arianna tells Brady that she does not want to marry him today. Is tomorrow better for her?? Sometime this summer? This show is very flexible with time so whenever she is ready that is fine!

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