One Town Pump to Hump

Begin with replay reminding us that Sami chucked Sydney the first chance she got...leaving her with Caroline. Sydney better grow up and hate both her parents, because they are neglectful evil trolls. Rafe completely ignores Sami, and is too busy with the case to worry about helping the needy Sami.

Oh look there is Carly..hmm where is she? Can't seem to place it? Oh yeah, its the FUCKING PIER! And apparently the PIER has magic powers, as Carly's hair is two inches longer than normal. Vivian pops up behind her and tells her to JUMP! Don't think that jumping off the PIER can kill you...you might die though from the pollution in the "River."

Arianna and EJ are still talking...less talking more sex. He wants to discuss something with her...hmmm perhaps he needs a maid?

Nicole is annoyed that they still don't know who kidnapped Sydney...um HOW DO U THINK WE FEEL? BTW this non colored hair and no makeup look does not work for Nicole. I miss the trashy wife we've all grown to love. Nicole cannot figure out who knocked her out and stole Sydney. Maybe it was someone who saw your black wig and tried to stop Sydney from future fashion blunders.

Rafe and Sami are talking. He is trying to solve the case, but she just wants to do more talking. Sami leaves to go home and talk later. Agent Clark...yes she was given a name...apparently pulled some slut move to get information from someone. Who knew the FBI was so well trained? Sami comes rushing back in JUST REALIZING that Rafe is working on Sydney's case. WTF did she think he was doing, issuing parking tickets?

Daniel talks to Victor about Melanie. Victor wants to know how long Melanie and Daniel have been doing it...EWWWWWW. And how funny is it that the first thing Victor assumes is that Daniel is sleeping with his patient? He is not the only one who has noticed Daniel's thing for female patients. He tells Victor that he is Melanie's father.

Nicole hopes that when they catch the kidnapper, that the woman ends up in the same cell as her. KINKY. Actually, Nicole and Anna in the same cell could be fun. Fashion tip hour, they can paint each other's nails, talk about DiMera men in bed, etc. Um, WEBSERIES!

Anna starts to leave and hopes she has not left anything behind....we then pan to a close up of those stupid Boots again. Let's pray those boots get thrown in an incinerator.

Rafe asks Clark to leave so he can deal with Sami. Sami REMINDS US ALL that she betrayed Rafe. Does she think he has Alzheimer's or something? She can see through Rafe....who has become transparent?

Brady stares at the ring. Maybe he doesn't know where it is supposed to go. Meanwhile EJ and Arianna are still talking. He tells he likes what he sees and even she comments on how creepy he is. He wants her to come work for him.....yeah MAID!

Victor goes off after learning that Daniel is the father. He hopes there was sperm donation involved, and a turkey baster. Clearly, Victor has inseminated someone before with his amount of knowledge on the subject. Daniel explains he has had the sex with the Manning. Victor is still annoyed everyone gets to bang Carly but him. Victor is excited he gets to give Daniel advice about the situation. He should tell him to get his bad boys clipped.

Vivian and Carly have the same old lame argument. Yeah yeah yeah Carly is going to jail. WE KNOW.

Nicole talks about what she would do to the kidnapper. As she gets to the part about ripping the bitch's heart out, Chloe tells her to stop. Nicole talks about how crappy prison is..she even does her multiplication tables....who taught Nicole math? I think Nicole even mentions how some lady tried to make her her bitch....Chloe loves these stories!

Rafe wishes Sami was honest with him, but eh what are you going to do? Sami wants back every minute she lost with Sydney...well then GO BE WITH YOUR BABY! Stop leaving your kids with random relatives all over town. Rafe and Sami then talk about how they are a team and they love each other. Dont't teams accomplish things together?...just sayin'.

Vivian is hurting Carly by reminding her that Melanie hates her mother. Carly thinks Vivian should be burning down an orphanage...um RUDE Vivian loves kids. Carly says Vivian is right and everyone hates her, but she will be happy that Daniel and Melanie are happy. Carly must be self-medicating. She asks if her going to jail means Vivian is done with revenge. Vivian wants to know where Carly got the drugs she must be smoking. Shit! No Wonder she is always at the PIER!!

Daniel is upset a pervert raised Melanie, when he could have been the pervert who raised Melanie. He is annoyed with Carly, big surprise there, and talks about how life could have been. Victor says he should be a part of Melanie's life. Who gave Victor a nice pill today?

Sami just went on another rant about how she loves Rafe, Sydney and her family. I honestly zoned out...I'm sure we will hear the same speech sometime soon though.

Arianna wonders why EJ wants to hire her. It is probably because she is good with drugs, she has a prison record, and EJ likes his women with a prison record. Also, she is a good cook and makes the bed after sex sessions. Brady watches all of this and is annoyed.

Chloe starts telling her Debbie Downer story. Like Nicole really cares Chloe can't get pregnant, neither can she! She ain't crying everyday about that. Chloe is not seeing a shrink like she is supposed to. Nicole asks about Daniel and then gets the other Debbie Downer story thrown on her. Daniel had a baby with Carly Manning....that big, old slut of a woman apparently.

Anna cannot find her boots. She is officially blind.

Sami notices that Agent Clark is attractive. Is every one on this show Bisexual?? Rafe insists nothing is going to happen there. He tried already and she shot him down.

EJ leaves and Brady walks up. Brady now wants to date EJ...bowling?, I mean really? Brady then fake proposes for a cup of coffee. He is lame, and it is not funny.

Daniel wants to have a relationship with Melanie. Victor encourages this, and wow is actually giving him good advice. He mentions ISABELLA. AWWWWWW I miss Izzy! Too bad this show kills off the good characters. Victor likes Melanie, because she has backbone. That means he likes her because she is snarky. Victor will protect Melanie because she is family....and because he may have a crush on her too.

Vivian says she likes Melanie. Carly wants to know if they are "square or not." Okay, Carly was not buried alive for 20 years....she needs to not pull out lingo from the 80s. If Carly goes to jail, Vivian will not plot anything. Carly says, "Crystal" in response to Vivian's "are we clear?" Um, Way to shout out yourself Crystal Chappell!

Anna finally finds her boots. EJ calls and he is annoyed she is not on the plane yet. He must be letting her use his frequent flier miles. Meanwhile, Sami AGAIN mentions how she screwed up. Rafe is annoyed, and I think he should arrest her.

Brady takes Arianna to the Java Cafe....because it is more romantic than the Pub?

Nicole learns Melanie is Daniel's daughter. She proceeds to give Chloe the BITCHIEST advice ever about keeping Daniel to herself. Chloe thinks its the worst advice ever. I say TAKE IT and bring out the bitch in Chloe.

Anna grabs the boots and tries to fit them into her bag. She doesn't know what to do when they don't fit. OMG put them in your purse!!

Rafe gets a call from Clark and writes down an address. He rushes out and Sami leaves after him. Wow, riveting stuff here. Maybe Sami will stop for an ice cream cone before going home.

Nicole and Chloe say their goodbyes. Nicole gives Chloe messages for Sydney, EJ, and Brady. My favorite was the EJ go to hell one. Whatever, they did not make out like they wanted to.

Brady does another fake proposal. Arianna has had it....and so have I. She wants him to ask properly and he says NO. Perhaps he wants more sex first?

Victor joins Vivian on the PIER in the "Let's point and mock Cary" game of the day. Carly calls herself the TOWN PUMP, because she sleeps with everyone except Victor. Wow who knew Carly had standards, and who knew the writers actually REMEMBERED the fact they never did it! BTW Carly, it's TOWN BICYCLE...not pump. And Everyone has had a ride. Jesus I got to teach this woman everything.

Daniel asks Chloe about visiting Nicole and what the prison was like. Yeah, like Daniel has not been there before giving the girls some free examinations. She thinks he is worried about Carly going to jail. No, he is actually thinking about what's going to happen to Carly in the showers when she goes to jail.

EJ brings the baby over to Sami's place. He hands Sydney over...and this baby is getting passed around like a hot potato. She brings up Rafe and how he is hurt. Just what EJ of all people wants to talk about.

Daniel says he is not worried about Carly. He wants to think about their wedding instead. Good save Doctor ManWhore!

Victor tells Carly not to start with him.....he will slap the botox out of her face. Vivian announces Carly is going to jail so everything is cool. Victor and Vivian leave, and Carly calls Bo to let him know she is pleasing guilty at the hearing. OH, so her hearing is today...which explains why she got her hair did!..it does not however explain how her hair grew in one day.

Brady proposes for the third time....and it is as lame as the other times. They are so happy that they start having sex right there in the Java Cafe.

Nicole is ordered to scrub the floor with a toothbrush. Hey, things could be worse and you could still be married to Victor. At least be thankful it is time consuming and does not involve the prison showers.

EJ and Sami talk about family and how it is the only thing that matters. While I went looking for a barf bag, Rafe and his partner arrive at the cabin and bust the door down.

Previews: Anna is sitting on the plane wondering if she left it behind!! Okay, one thing we can probably rule out is her birth control medication...maybe it's her hormone replacement pack?

Nicole asks why she cannot remember where she heard the kidnapper's voice before. Yeah, you should feel stupid because you have spoken to Anna before you idiot.

Sami asks Rafe if he found the kidnapper. So NOW she cares about finding the people who did this. Sami is officially BIPOLAR...its confirmed! Let's get her some meds.