Monday, March 22, 2010

General Nonsense: a.k.a Nathan's Boring Episode

Melanie enters the kitchen....the only room in Maggie's house that Days can apparently show do to budget cuts! Phillip is sitting down and Melanie asks who the lady is with him. Phillip should wait a grace period of at least two weeks before he brings his mistress over.

Stephanie talks to Nathan because apparently she is a sadist. Again that letter is the topic of conversation. Perhaps we should all now play the "letter" drinking game. Stephanie explains that Nathan will get hurt. Who does not want Nathan hurt?? Even Maggie can't stand the annoying jerk. When your grandmother does not like got problems!

Hope is working.....thinking that Days reads my commentary because ever since I pointed out that no one works, everyone in town is busting ass at something. Justin brings Hope some coffee....had it been food of any kind we all could have been excited. She does not need caffeine she needs DONUTS. Hope wants to know why Justin brought her coffee. Um, well DUH he likes you and can't the dimpled guy just be nice without you freaking out?

Jim the Governor is handcuffed to the bed. Anna meanwhile is taking photos. Where did Anna get handcuffs on such short notice? Was that the reason the boots did not fit in her luggage? For someone who has not had sex since Tony, it is very strange she has those cuffs. Jim is wondering WTF is going on....yeah, like he never woke up handcuffed to a bed before.

Rafe visits Nicole in prison. This woman gets more visitors than Melanie did when she was shot. She tells him that she has to tell him something about Sydney....she couldn't do that over the phone??!

Anna reminds Jim how much "fun" they had together. Another question: How the hell did she get his large ass in the bed..of all the times we need Flashbacks its now!!! NOOOO instead he gets to see photos! This could have been fun use of flashback dammit. Anna is going to blackmail him, and he demands the camera. Anna will give him the camera once he delivers on the pardon. This plan went well....I enjoyed it immensely...probably because it got done in a day!

Nicole wants to talk about how Sydney is doing. RUDE! Rafe drove all the way over there and that is what she asks?! Why not talk about your prison beauty regimen?! Rafe says she has no business knowing about Sydney because she is not her daughter. At this point, Nicole would be a better parent than Sami or EJ because she has about half a brain and does not cry every ten seconds.

Phillip explains that this lady, whose name I am refusing to learn, is Maggie's new nurse. Melanie then throws the lady out in her own Melanie way. Kind of wish she would have kicked her in the ass too. Melanie is so's a Manning trait. Maggie walks in on Mel and Phil dealing with what just happened and by the look on her face you can already tell she regrets letting them move in. Bet that these two have really loud sex too that disrupts Maggie's knitting. Phillip explains he made a mistake and leaves. Maggie then gets all Mrs. Garrett on us and starts interogating Melanie about how she feels about Nathan. Why doesn't Maggie work for the Salem P.D? The woman gets answers in like five minutes.

Nathan is still talking about the letter. Had she just given him the letter we would not have to hear about this stupid letter on and on and on. Bottom Line: Stephanie was selfish for not showing him the letter, but she did not want to see Nathan get hurt. ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZzzzZZ Nathan getting hurt would be a dream that needs to become a reality.

Hope is glad that Carly will not be going to jail....that way she can watch the whole town hate her for a few more months. Justin asks Hope if she is ready to move on. Ask her if she would like to get something to eat genius! Side note: Dear Justin, Hope does not like you. Please move on before you make an even bigger ass of yourself. Thank You.

Jim accuses Anna of blackmailing him. The Award for Captain Obvious of the Day goes to......Drum Roll.........Jim the Governor!!!

Nicole says she has some information about the Ugly boot wearing woman! Rafe is sick and tired of Nicole and does not want to listen to her. Then WHY did you drive all the way to see her in prison if you don't want to lsiten to her?! Think of all the gas he wasted in that drive!

Melanie says she loves Phillip....then get him a freaking haircut honey! Maggie notices that Melanie avoided the real question. OMG get this woman a badge and a gun...she is HIRED. She can have Sami's FBI job. Melanie is still avoiding the "Do you have feelings for Nathan?" question. Personally I do have feelings for Nathan..I feel an imense stabbing in my brain when he is on screen.

Eww Stephanie and Nathan are having that "talk." The one where the guy just slept with you and you mean nothing to him. Nathan tries to cover up with the "we had a great time and this has nothing to do with Mel" crap. Stephanie really needs to kick him in the balls and move on. Seriously sign up for EHarmony (not a Passions joke at all!) or would be more exciting than Nathan.

Nicole asks Rafe to stick around. Rafe gives Nicole a lecture about everything she did. If I were Nicole I'd rather be in the gym with the other ladies than listening to Rafe mumble and rant. Nicole remembers what Anna said...nowwwww we get a Flashback dammit....and says that the person who did this must get what she deserves.....The woman should have to watch Nathan scenes on a daily basis!

Melanie talks about how she is new at marriage....well, yeah that is why you are a newlywed smartass. She still thinks about Nathan and has feelings for him. Maggie tells her she cannot have both of them. Well see now THAT would be an interesting storyline. THREESOME! Listen, whatever helps Nathan along in his self-discovery that he is gay....we are all for! Maggie thinks Mel should talk to Nathan. That poor girl has to talk to him now...bring on the shooting Mommy instead.

Nathan says that he might of tossed the letter, but of course he would have never done that....*whispers* he is a HOARDER! Stephanie apologizes for being the sneaky bitch, but Nathan wants to take a break. OOOO that hurts!! First Sami wants a break from Nathan wants a break from Stephanie. Will Vivian take a break from killing Carly?? Will Hope take a break from her anorexia?? Bring on the break time!

Now Hope is giving Justin that same speech we just heard but it's the nothing can ever happen between us one. OMG this show is depressing today. Where is Carly and can someone at least attack her? That is always riveting. Nothing will ever happen between Justin and Hope. Justin realizes this and goes in for a full on hug of the skeleton. He must have really hurt himself with that one.

Jim cannot get out of his handcuffs. Anna apparently works a pair of cuffs like a champ. Jim says Nicole getting released will never happen so Anna should just give up. Anna adds that she has photos from their past affair too. Lesson of the Day: Keep a scrapbook of all your affairs in case you need to blackmail the guy/girl in the future. Jim starts worrying about his, this is Salem..EVERYONE has affairs! Anna threatens to post stuff on the Internet....The Internet gets such a bad rap on this show! Sex tapes and Skype Makeout never ends!

Nicole is going to tell Rafe who the kidnapper maybe a year from now!

Melanie is in the kitchen wondering if she should call Nathan. Honestly do not call are in a kitchen...find the ice cream and ignore the boring guy. Nevermind the ass walked in. Phillip is hanging out at the PIER....Perhaps he is building homes there...I'd will Carly. He sees Stephanie and they talk about how they are living with Maggie. Phillip can tell Stephanie is upset...gee he is sooooo perceptive. Steph flat out tells him that Nathan dumped her for his wife. Finally someone just comes out and says something....too bad it was Stephanie of all people.

Maggie and Hope meet up at the Pub...let the drinking and gossiping begin! Maggie tells Hope about Melanie and Phillip moving in. Hope thinks it is great and hopes that Melanie and Phillip are she new?? Yeah Hope basically gives Phil and Mel six months with that statement. Hope asks Maggie why love can't be simple.....well because there are just bitches like you who make every fucking little thing hard Hope!

Justin is at the mansion and gets a message that there is someone there to see him. It's ADRIENNE!!!! Wow Judi Evans!! Okay I'm an excited fan girl....Ten bucks says she will do something to piss me off within a week. They have dressed her in a highly offensive outfit that no one deserves to wear. Paisley just massacred my eyes.

Rafe does not believe that Nicole knows anything. She explains that she figured out who the voice belonged to. The woman who took Sydney is...........................................INTERRUPTION! Nicole has a phone call and the warden wants to speak to her. This chick is way too popular for an inmate.

Phillip calls Nathan a cocky little bastard....I am going to marry Phillip for that! Stephanie explains about the letter and what she did. She does lie that she did not read the this point WHO CARES if she read teh letter. She warns Phillip to look out for Nathan, because Nathan is a weirdo obsessed with Melanie. Seriously at this point, Nathan is that pervy dude who sits outside a girl's window with binoculars.

Melanie and Nathan start talking and what happens is ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz. We interrupt this program to conduct a test..BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPP. And that was more entertaining that anything Nathan could have said. Oh yeah he asks her what the fucking letter said. Someone take the letter and shove it up Nathan's ass.

Justin has no idea why Adrienne is there. She says that Hope called and said Justin was in trouble.....well he is in love with Hope, and that seems like trouble to me! Justin says that nothing is wrong and Adrienne is as confused as the rest of us and to why we are STILL watching this episode! Justin says that Hope wants them back together....Hope needs to get her shit together before she starts interfering with other people's relationships.

Nicole talks to the governor. He grants her pardon and she will be released today. Nicole is going to break out in a happy dance. Jim asks Nicole to not make him regret this decision. Nicole tells Rafe that she was pardoned. Then Nicole actually DOES a happy dance with the prison guard!! There was fist bumping people! How the hell did they shoot that and not die laughing?! Okay, while it was lame and would never really happen...that was the funniest thing I've seen on the show since Victor stepped over Carly's lifeless body. Seriously Nicole and her guard got down with their bad selves. "I'm Out..You're In...I'm Out...You're In." Rafe is feeling more WTF than usual.

Adrienne is peeved at Hope for making her fly all this way. Anyone who dislikes Hope this fast is SUPER COOL in my book. While she asks Justin his opinion, Miss Busybody Hope walks in. She tells Hope to stay out of her business and leaves. Justin is now unhappy with Hope and chases after Adrienne. Hope really knows how to clear a room......I bet her breathe stinks with the lack of eating.

Melanie does that cute rambling, making no sense thing. Unfortunately it is not cute in this situation because it is directed at Nathan the Prick. Nathan explains that Stephanie lied and he would like to know what the letter said. OMG this jerk off will not stop with the letter shit.

Jim is upset that Nicole is on the loose, and now he wants the camera. Anna gives him the card in the camera containing the photos. Who is shocked that Anna knew how to work a digitial camera? Um, then Jim suggests they use some sex toys because he could not remember a damn thing that happened. Ewww and Anna agrees to have sex with him. That was not funny...that was disturbingly nauseating.

The guard congratulates Nicole...I'd be asking for my cash now actually! Pay the woman for being your friend! Rafe is waiting for Nicole to name the baby stealer. Nicole blames it all on Kate because she hates Nicole and she is an evil troll. Well, while that is all true, Nicole cannot back that up. Rafe says Kate is clean.....guessing he has not looked at her wardrobe and blue hair lately. Nicole doesn't care and is just happy to be leaving. Rafe leaves more confused than usual and that in itself is a miracle right there. Nicole promises to pay Lois back for everything she has done, and then she gets a call from Anna. Why does EVERYTHING move so freaking fast for Nicole's story but not anyone else's? Anna warns Nicole that she taped their conversations so she can never turn on her. Nicole is very whatever and we are even so everyone walks away happy. Nicole has another favor to ask.....JFC are you kidding me?

Phillip just talked to Stephanie about how everything will work out. Yeah that always happens on this show.

Melanie wants to know if Nathan was unhappy that she married Phillip. Is she serious with that question?? He drunkenly tried to stop you!!! He says he just wanted to get out of town....and have meaningless boring sex with a girl named Stephanie. Melanie says she will tell him what the letter said. Hoping she is going to lie because Nathan has got to go!

Nicole calls Brady, but he is not there! Love how the secretary gave away his location in Santo Domingo! Fire that lady! So it looks like Nicole will leave jail and go on vacation. Hasn't she really already been on vacation? This is not fair!

Rafe goes straight to the Governor to ask him what the hell he was thinking. Well clearly he was not thinking with his head, but with his mmmmhmmm.

Previews: Anna says she is done with Nicole so no one can touch her now. Well we all know that Carly is a self-proclaimed TOUCHER so there is her. Daniel touches just about everyone in town that have breasts....including Victor. Going to guess that someone will touch Anna pretty soon.

Rafe demands to know why the Governor released Nicole. The Governor should just explain to Rafe that there have been budget cuts and prisoners have to be set free because of the recession. Or he should tell the truth and explain the storyline needed to progress and the only way it could get any good was if Nicole was released.

Nicole asks Brady if he will give her another chance. Would this be chance number 8,459? Brady would get together again with the woman who kidnapped his niece and ruined his step sister's life. Nicole could buy some chocolate actually and lure Brady away from Arianna because he is so ADD.

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