Passions Part Deux

Sydney is sitting in her playpen looking as cute as ever. Side note- Cutest twin babies in Daytime! EJ tries to stop Rafe from asking Sami about the ransom note. Little does he know that Rafe got his boy scout's merit badge in Badgering last week.

Lexie and Stephanie are talking about Sydney being alive. WOW Days finally let Lexie Carver out of the dungeon. Perhaps we can give her more screen time like she deserves. However, she is a doctor which means she is busy not working. Stephanie then changes the conversation to herself. I wonder if she majored in self-involvement in college.

Nathan puts his hand on Melanie's shoulder as she is crying. She wants to know why he is there, and why is he being such a creeper. Nathan has that look to him that he probably was a peeping Tom as a kid. I mean Ive seen boys like him in trees before.

OMG Stefano is on today!! Its like XMAS in Salem. Lucky for us Stefano insults Gaby his waitress and talks about how the Hernandez family is overly breeding and taking over Salem. He makes a bad killer joke to Kate and she gives him the LOOK.

Rafe wants to know if Sami is lying to him......again! Sami admits that she lies. Now see the REAL Sami would have lied that she lied about lying. I miss the DAYS when she switched DNA tests on multiple occasions. Rafe gives her that look like someone stole his G.I. Joes.

Theresa and Ethan show up at a hotel. They look around, get confused, then decide that they are Brady and Arianna. These two are always in a bedroom, do they have any other skills besides knowing how to have sex? Brady goes on and on about ice fishing and HOLES. Ari looks at him like he is an ASS.....HOLE.

Nathan wants to know what is wrong with Melanie. Apparently he has never met her and does not realize she is a whiny brat who hates her life. She has said this since she got to Salem. I'm guessing Nathan does not listen. She OF COURSE complains about her life. Now see a real boyfriend would run out and bring his chick back some Burger King.

Stefano enjoys that Kate tries to kill people, he finds it attractive. Imagine the Newlywed Game with these two, where is the strangest place you have made whoopie? Stefano: my private sex chamber. Kate: the butt. Stefano keeps calling Kate: Katerina AND Katherine. This is very annoying, since KATERINA is CARLY's NAME. Stefano plans on torturing whomever kidnapped Sydney. My guess is he will lock them in a room with Roman or Nathan.

Sami admits to Rafe that she lied. Here comes the crying. SEND IN......THE TEARS...THERE. ALLLL READDDYYY. HEREEEEEEEEE

Ethan and Theresa have SEXXXX!!!! I'm so happy that Gwen is out of the picture! Wait who's Ari?

Stephanie asks Lexie if she ever acted like an evil bitch. I am guessing no one ever told her that Lexie is a DiMera and she cheated on Abe over and over again? Lexie was a good villain....can we please give her more screen time?

Melanie explains that Trent was not her father. Nathan somehow figures out it is Daniel. Did not think it was possible, but Nathan is way more excited by the news than Melanie actually was. This just further proves my Nathan is Gay theory. He really wants to help Melanie. Step 1: Leave the room you boring bastard!

Sami wants Rafe to yell at her. Rafe only wants to get Sydney to the hospital. Sami is still waiting for her lecture, OMG she is pushy. Thankfully, Stefano walks in and sees the baby. Stefano is so genuinely excited to see his granddaughter. He cannot wait until she is able to kiss his ring.

Melanie tells Nathan not to feel guilty about anything. Of course, he has NO CLUE what she is talking about. Something tells me if he even read the letter, he still would not have a clue.
Meanwhile, Stephanie is feeling guilty, and she is clearly FAILING at being a villain on this show. She admits that she only OMITTED the truth, and did not really lie. Lexie's essential lesson of the day: YOU ARE SCREWED.

EJ tells Stefano not to go anywhere near Sydney. Rafe steps in and tells everyone to calm the F-down. All that matters is now Sydney is home, so we can all contribute to the destruction of her life.

Oh look, I did not know Passions was still on. Okay so wow Ethan and Theresa are dressing. I think these two are really going to make it! All of their sex made them hungry....it's true because I even need a snack.

Melanie tries to vaguely explain things to Nathan, but the poor doofus does not know what letters are. This would have all worked out had she tweeted him. His handle is @GayDocNerdBoy.

Brady goes in the hallway and lets the bellhop know he plans on proposing. The Bellhop is trying to figure out why Brady is actually talking to him. He stands there pretty much looking like he just wants his tip and get the hell out of there.

Sydney is going to go to the hospital to get a checkup. Stefano proclaims his blood ties to Sydney, not very heartwarming buddy. EJ gets RUDE and tells Stefano again that he will not be included in Sydney's life. Sami thanks Rafe for not yelling at her in front of everyone. Rafe is just thankful no one smelled the fart he let fly...too many tamales.

Arianna calls Gaby and tells her Brady could be the ONE...to screw up her life? Brady is still talking to the bellhop...he officially needs friends. He drops the ring into the champagne.

Nathan wonders if his letter got lost in the mail. Um RUDE, way to throw the Salem Postal Service under the bus! Melanie slowly starts realizing that it is possible that Stephanie did not give Nathan the letter. How can one bitch not see the bitch move by another girl? HELLO!

Lexie squeeees when she sees the baby, and everyone is happy to see Sydney back! PARTY!! Sydney has to be taken away to be examined and Sami does not understand why. Actually I am unclear as to why as well. Rafe makes the examination sound like Sydney is going to be tortured, and it would be too painful to watch. Way to give me Law & Order: SVU nightmares Luis.

EJ tells Stefano he is being thrown out of his own mansion. My guess is Stefano wants Direct TV and EJ is Comcast kinda guy. Stefano starts yelling, so Kate steps in. I JUST realized that Kate is actually dressed her age, and it is soooo exciting. She tells EJ that he should forgive his father because he is a RUDE DOUCHE. EJ just storms out. My guess is they are stuck with Cablevision...poor bastards. EJ calls Anna and tells her what he did, why he could not tell her and stuff. Um so that means we didn't have to listen to her lecture him OVER AND OVER again had he just told her the truth. THANKS EJ.

Gaby and Arianna are still talking. I'd rather be watching Theresa. Brady imagines proposing to Ari. She says yes...in the most monotone I love you voice ever.

Melanie has flashbacks about the letter. The morphine must be kicking in because she FINALLY gets that Stephanie is a big WHORE. Nathan then runs into Stephanie. Nathan explains how confused he is, funny because Stephanie doe not see surprised. They flirt and I threw up a little. She prays he never discovers that she has been lying about everything.

Sami is now upset that Rafe is NOT mad at her. Sami has officially become an idiot....Either she is mad that Rafe IS yelling at her or she is mad he is NOT yelling at her. Someone needs some therapy sessions.

Brady is still fantasizing about his proposal. Arianna chokes on the ring and it looks like she is not going to make it because Brady is not a paramedic, and he just sits there hitting her on her back. You know its real love when a guy fantasizes about his "love" choking to death. Brady thinks Arianna is dumb enough to swallow a ring. He brings in his Cart O' Love...food and booze! Best part of the date so far.

Luis is really happy that Sydney is alive. I really hope he and Sheridan can work things out. Oh wait there is Rafe. Rafe tells Sami that she is dumb and he is just happy that Sydney is alive. Sami tells EJ that she is angry with herself for lying. EJ blames Rafe and Sami finally notices that EJ is playing games. ONLY TOOK YEARS.

Brady says he loves Theresa...ooops he meant Arianna...they look alike to be fair! He lamely proposes to her, and Arianna says........NO! I want to know who gave this girl brains.

Stephanie finally goes to see Melanie and asks how she is doing. Melanie says: "How do you think I'm doing......BIOTCH?" Hopefully Melanie leaps out of the bed and claws at her eyes. Melanie will totally kick Stephanie's ass in a fight. These two really need a good mud fight thank you.

EJ says he is not interested in Sami/Rafe's relationship, but he loves this Luis fellow he keeps running into. Interestingly and creepily enough, EJ tells Sami that he would LOVE to spend the night with her.....WHAT THE FUCK? as Rafe stops by to hear this.

Previews: Melanie accuses Stephanie of lying to both her and Nathan. To be fair to Stephanie, these two are so dumb and it was so easy that it really should not be a crime.

Nathan tells Maggie he should have stopped the wedding. Maggie looks at Nathan and gives that "OMG we can't be related and I hope we find out you were stolen as a baby" look. Someone please order poor Maggie a shot of Jack because this lady cannot deal with this shit now.

Rafe asks Sami and EJ what the HELLLLLLLL is going on? EJ then shoves Sami aside and invites Mr. Hernandez to a candlelight dinner. This plan almost worked, but Rafe is afraid of fire.