All I Want for Xmas Is A GOOD STORYLINE

Johnny is missing an eye. It is sad and it wasn't necessary. The sick kid storyline is a cop out and made EJ out to be a complete monster, blaming cancer on Sami. I understand EJ is jealous of Rafe/Sami, but taking it out on his children is gross, wrong, and honestly out of character. The writers made him way worse than he was. Like I said on twitter, this is unfair to the EJami fans who support the couple. Before the Safes start with me, your couple is getting shit on too. Rafe and Sami have been married like a week and they are already fighting like they old and they are not really being romantic. In fact they have reached a level of boredom where Allie cries every night because she'd like something to happen....she's that bored.

Maggie still wants Victor...they are going to drag this out. JUST HAPPEN ALREADY! Meanwhile can we stick Vivian back in the sarcophagus? She's just being cruel and not at all funny. It isn't fun anymore when she just randomly tortures people and screws with their lives. STOP IT! Go find Ivan and get laid! Also leave Brady and Nicole alone. Just because you aren't having sex doesn't mean you have to ruin it for everyone else!

Hope and Bo are on the run. Usually these kinds of storylines are entertaining but somehow these two know how to BORE UP a story! Feed Hope, stick her in jail, and then get her released like you would in REAL LIFE. She figured out there is an organ harvesting thing going on, let her out for THAT, not because she is in solitary and crying. DO YOUR JOB BO! P.S. wearing all black....BIG TIP YOU ARE HIDING SOMETHING OR SOMEONE. Also, I'm beginning to think the Hope not eating thing is a running gag with the writers. Rude! She's thrown away food like 8 times in the past 3 weeks. Enough already!

Spoilers for the NEW YEAR: Kayla opens her big mouth and reveals Parker's paternity. The woman never learned to shut the fuck up and this is all Stephanie and Caroline's fault. Speaking of Caroline...STROKE! Apparently the writers read my play by play and realized she also needs to shut the fuck up. Rafe is getting a new brother...I already don't like him because that family is boring. Nicole's sister is coming back and falls for EJ...maybe she has a serial killer fetish too. YAY! What happened to Chad btw? Where is he when he is not stalking Stefano? I'd like Johnny to get his eye too. He ain't Patch HE COOLER!

Merry Xmas everyone, and have a great Holiday without the soap style drama. Tell your husband he is NOT the father. Sleep with your Son in law! If you like women....Sleep with someone like CHLOE! If your a guy...Sleep with someone like CHLOE. I'm sticking Chloe in all your stockings!! Run to the hospital and pray a hot doctor is there. Run over a lady like Caroline. FEED HOPE! Take care!!

Caroline Got Run Over By a Reindeer

I think this is my favorite title because I partially wish it was true, but I happen to care for Reindeer. Caroline and Stephanie need to shut the fuck up! There is no nicer way to put it. They just keep loud whispering everyday. Caroline also had the nerve to do a terrible Melanie impersonation. I guess she doesn't realize doing an impression of her would mean attaching a bungee cord to their faces. I don't want to spoil storyline but at least Caroline will be shutting up soon. Too bad she can't take Stephanie with her.

Hope is still in jail.......not eating........bruised face.......I stopped caring three months ago. Seriously just have Bo and Jen go save her so they ruin Carly's life because delaying the inevitable is just annoying. They have Carly in camouflage now...next will be a burlap sack and a bag on her head. Maybe they can make Carly interesting again if they have her kill Dr. Ben. I'll pay her to do it.

EJ is a rat bastard now, probably at his worst in all his years on the show. Seriously Days writers...THIS IS NOT HOW YOU WRITE A VILLAIN. EJ has nothing redeemable about him right now. They should have given him cancer instead of Johnny. Giving EJ cancer would have made him vulnerable and the audience, or EJAMIs at least would like him. Serioulsy I am not an EJAMI fan, but if I was I would seriously be furious with the writers lately. They've made EJ into a piece of shit human being. He is even mistreating his children now and that is a low blow. Also, I am not a fan of giving Johnny a tumor. Johnny is MY FAVORITE kid on the show and now they are making him sick. THEY HAVE RUINED CHRISTMAS!

Chloe and Phillip are still covering up the fact they had sex. Phillip is now lying that he slept with his random co-worker Sabrina. Daniel needs to go to the store and buy a freaking clue! While he is there he should pick one up for Melanie too. This rhymed! Best part of this week was the PHLOE flashback to when Chloe was a normal human being called GHOUL GIRL. That was the Chloe I loved who was actually smart but apparently she took all of Brady's drugs offscreen and came back with a learning disability. Side Note: Baby Parker is played by two cute little girls. Maybe the character will have gender issues! This I do know...one of those little girls has the hots for Eric Martsolf, and she has good taste.

My Xmas wish: a MAGIC CHRISTMAS. Best couple on the show and I want them together already. Can I get a romantic slow dance please? And I will also pay to see Victor in a Christmas sweater thank you!

Last Christmas I Gave EJ My Heart and the Very Next Year I Want To Decapitate Him

So this Christmas EJ is a huge son of a bitch...sorry but he is. The writers are making EJ a really really horrible bastard that I just cannot root for. I do not care if he REALLY loves Sami, he is acting like Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights and guess what...I HATED THAT BOOK TOO! Acting like a complete asshole does NOT win you the woman you love. He is putting it into his kid's head that his mother hates him...sorry that is seriously DISGUSTING. I liked EJ but I just cannot get with this whole let's get the kids to hate Mommy storyline. P.S. this does not mean I like Rafe any better. So glad that he is now married to Sami and can enable her even more. She DOES NOT LISTEN TO YOU...get that through the thick skull.

Carly wants a baby....pure speculation but I have never seen her so excited. Also if she has a baby that means she will finally have a friend! Perhaps this time she can actually raise a child instead of having it stolen from her for what would be the THIRD time. Carly and Chloe are still discussing their secret. In fact if you rewind to three months ago its pretty much the same conversation they had back then. Parker is cute by the way and probably going to be spoiled. Things are going soooooo great for Chloe which means shit will hit the fan in about two weeks. Carly is also obsessed with Bo who is obsessed with Hope. Hope is still in jail still not eating, however now she has a big purple bruise on her face. Warden made her write a fake letter because Warden thinks Hope is a huge pain in the ass who won't die. She can't kill her only keep her in solitary. I say harvest any viable organs...which means like ONE with Hope and ship it off to Dr. Ben.

Okay...DR. BEN! Listen I have NEVER been a fan of Ty Treadway sorry. Dr. Ben is LAME! Another actor might have made him compelling or at least a hot guy would have made me go: OOOO Sleep with Jen...but Ty Treadway...just NO! Also why would Jen want to get with him of all people its just too random.

Kate and Stefano broke up this week too. Okay I am a fan of the elderly love on this show. Stefano/Kate and Maggie/Victor are the BEST COUPLES! They make sense and they are just all amazing together. Vivian can seriously take a flying fuck off a bridge at this point. I love Louise Sorel (amazing actress) however Vivian's shenanigans are getting repetitive and old. She just keeps trying to kill everyone when really she is just annoying everyone including me. She's not even being funny just cruel! Sorry but when you go after someone like Maggie....its not cute.

Brady and Nicole just need to have constant sex....its really what they are the best at. They are going to pretend to break up and then have sex in secret places. I support this fully.

Caroline is praying to God. Yeah I would be doing the same if I were her because pretty soon she will be plugging Fixident on the show!

I Saw Daniel Kissing Santa Claus..Ok It Was Dead Carly

This is going to be a tough recap. Not much has been going on outside of the Hospital Quarantine storyline! My new highlight...CHRISTMAS titles!

Okay so Carly died for a minute and then came back to life. I am excited Carly is still alive but Stefano's returns from death are far more exciting. I'd also like to thank Daniel for taking the time to make out with Carly instead of performing CPR. He also got handsy...lovely. Melanie has forgiven her mother because we all know near death experiences bring families together! Bo remembered he is dating Carly for two minutes and was nice enough to pay her a Window visit. Nathan is moaning about Chloe and Melanie.....its not sexy! All together though the Hospital Quarantine was fun! Even though the writers suffer from the LOMA virus. Lost Our Minds Again!

Hope...still in jail. Not eating her pudding and moping. This storyline line would be more exciting if Hope got into um, FIGHTS! Jail is full of prison fights, not people being civil and using cell phones! Also I love that no one is asking questions about the dead bodies in jail except Hope. Most people survive leg surgery, not being SHOT in the head like EJ. I was excited this lady was going to jail and now I am just bored. Crack the bitch outta the slammer and just make something happen. Side note: Jen is in town for Hope, yet we have to watch her get annoyed by probably the most irritating doctor I have ever encountered: Dr. Ben! I would rather have her have drunken sex with Bo, and then Hope and Carly having to deal with THAT. That is DRAMA PEOPLE!

Maggie is now wearing long sleeved hospital gowns. I think she should have her own clothing line! Vivian is annoying her to know end. So the whole damn town will go to jail if she turns Vivian in. You know what...DO IT! It will be like Big Brother on Days but just the prison version! I would pay to see Brady and Victor in a prison yard! Brady can have workout sessions and Phillip can spot him....Yes this is getting kinky! Nicole and Kate can chill with Hope in jail and by chill I mean beat her up and make her their bitch.

Stefano and Kate ARE OVER....for now. Ok this pisses me off! I LIKE them together and they make sense, just as Victor and Maggie make sense. Where Victor and Maggie have a classy romantic love story, these two have an evil, we kind of belong together one too! He OBVIOUSLY loves the woman and she actually made sense when she was defending herself about the SAMI issue at least. Now the old bastard is upset that she lied about the Chad situation. Ok we all knew this would happen and he has a right to be mad. HOWEVER, HE LIES TO HER ALL THE TIME! Also he clearly shaves his chest and I think that is Kate's influence and a good reason she should stick around!

EJ.....Sami......Rafe. What do I have left to say about this MESS? I used to LOVE the Brady family, and wanted to be a part of it as a kid, if ANYTHING for the free Pub booze. Now..I LOATHE THEM! Caroline can go jump off a bridge with the self-righteous bullshit. Roman can go mumble to some spies abroad and rip off his face again, whatever. Sami is annoyingly dealing with the EJ situation she put herself in. If you are going to shoot someone...MAKE SURE THEY DIE! Rafe is walking around like a moron with his thumb up his ass. We had to hear him lecture Sami about her lies for months and NOW he helps her cover shit up. Then we have the MAGICAL EJ. EJ cannot even tell Johnny the truth that he can no longer see his mommy. Mr. Big Scary tough guy cannot even do that. None of these people deserve each other and I officially want all the kids taken away and given to MARLENA IN EUROPE!....Except Johnny who I think can live on his own.

Boring Wedding and the Beautiful Tree Decorations!!

Short Recap before Thanksgiving BREAK!

Sami and Rafe were married. I am so glad this boring wedding happened during Sweeps! Seriously if I were a Safe fan I would be irritated with the horrible writing and wedding that happened. It was only semi-romantic and what was with all the side shows: tree trimming and chord sharing? WTF. Also Caroline might actually think she IS GOD with all the God references she makes.

EJ is angry. When is he not? He does now have custody of the kids so a new nanny can be their real parent. Nicole is also going to be part of Sydney's life which is probably a good thing because Nicole is really the only one who gives a damn about that kid. I would steal Johnny personally.

The virus is still out there.....but its not being addressed...thanks Days!

Hope is still in jail and this storyline SUCKS! Seriously I am not even a Hope fan...we ALL know this. However she is getting NOWHERE with the storyline of whatever the hell is going on in that prison. ITS LAME. Just let her out already that way we can stop watching a marathon of visitors that no one really cares about! Now she gets thrown in solitary, I guess to get sympathy from the viewer...yeah no I don't care she is in solitary. In fact it sucks because now we have to hear her talk to herself about how terrible jail is!

Maggie is OUT of the coffin, and Vivian will get away with it because the whole town will go to jail! Maggie tells Victor they are over...THEY DIDN'T EVEN GET A CHANCE! I want at least a Xmas miracle and Maggie and Victor together for the holidays! Best couple on the damn show and best chemistry! THIS is how you write a love story, and not some other kind of crap I won't use as an example because I am in no mood for crazy fans.

So Happy Thanksgiving!! Eat lots of food and stay drama free. If not...start a food fight. That is an order!

All My Viruses

The Plague has officially come to Salem. BUST OUT THE BOOZE! Luckily Maggie is tucked away in a coffin and can't catch anything. LUCKY HER! So Melanie and Nathan have caught a weird virus from the dead patient Mr. Rodriguez. Carly, Daniel, and Ben do what good doctors do. THEY PANIC!!!!!! Carly is freaking out her kid has it, Ben is rethinking the transfer to Salem, and Daniel still don't know what the hell he talking about. Chloe also gets a scare from Maxine who takes Baby Parker away. Yes let's upset the already unstable Chloe. Side note: baby Parker is played by adorable babies...and u can tell the difference between then when one has a redder face than the other....in HD.

Random side note: Let's make Maxine a regular who slaps characters out of their funky attitudes. Thanks.

Since this episode was really about the outbreak lets make an outbreak check list:

1. When your daughter is passing out on a park bench....Do not question the girl DOCTOR!

2. Drinking beer with aspirin helps alleviate Virus like symptoms.

3. Let's all pray Stephanie catches a disease.

4. Hazmat suits are attractive and should be required hospital garb.

5. When there is a virus and you come into contact with others...those other people CATCH the damn virus!

6. If the baby catches the virus SEE NUMBER FIVE!

7. Let's all stop visiting the baby when there is an OUTBREAK!

8. When you get a virus you look hungover with the chills...but that Mark Hapka still looks hot sweaty. And Molly looked lovely as well.

9. PANIC!!!!

EJ/Sami/Rafe were on today however they caught no diseases. They also went over their list of crimes without ever serving jail time. Ironically if Arianna was alive she would be sued for stealing a Days of Our Lives episode on her Flip cam! That was Copyright Infringement.

All My Sami's Children

EJ and Nicole are going to team up against Sami to get custody of Sydney. UGHHHHH BLARRRGGG. I feel like the show just went backwards two years. Do I think Nicole is a better mom than Sami? HELL YES. Also if I were an EJami fan I would be SUPER annoyed with Days writing. How are you supposed to forget the guy raping Sami when EVERYTIME he is mad at her he attacks her by chloroforming her? He yells at her violently? For a guy who is in love with the lady he acts like he hates her more. I am glad that they are split up right now because he can honestly do better. Sami is NOT the old Sami that I loved growing up. I do not feel bad for her and I do not root for her because she is written in such an unsympathetic way. Also why the hell is Rafe with her? ONE the guy is boring (writers fault) and two he is a MORON! Sami is stupid yes, but that doesn't mean she needs an equally stupid partner. How about we play a game called...LET SAMI BE SINGLE!

Now onto Nicole...since when is teaming with EJ a good idea? I'm going to at least hope there is a brief reunion between these two because do I think they are the perfect couple...duh NO...but they ARE entertaining together. Brady suspects something is up with Nicole...I do not care...why the hell does Brady have clothing on? And if Rafe thinks he got rid of all of Nicole's evidence...wait he is a moron so of course he thinks that NEVERMIND.

Melanie and Nathan fighting....it is not really cute. I am over the whole tension between these two because I honestly do not buy them as a couple right now. YES they are going to get together but my point is it wasn't done in a way where I care! Also they encounter the patient with a gross virus from I believe South America. Okay it looked like the guy had the PLAGUE, and they treated him like he was not even in the room. Worry about the sweaty guy who looks like he is going to puke...NOT STEPHANIE. While Stephanie and puke have alot in common....she needs to go on a vacation! Caroline convinces her to keep lying because Grandma is BONKERS! Stephanie needs to leave and come back a race car driver with a new personality, like she did the first time.

Maggie is still in the damn coffin and not enough people realize something is wrong. Does Maggie up and leave without any notice...yeah No you morons! Also, Vivian needs to realize that you cannot kill someone by giving them a headache...so SHUT UP! Maggie cannot even die in peace and is being fed probably cold chicken broth! Also it was brought to my attention today that Maggie is too ladylike to even be able to pee so that explains that!

Extra special side note: I think Sami should be chloroformed by her own children. Johnny should take over the house and Allie should run a sweat shop. Also Johnny needs his own webshow because he (and the other brother that plays him) ARE ADORABLE!

The Red and the Rudiful

Everyone on my screen looked almost RED at one point or another. Okay not everyone just Chappell, Sweeney, Chandler, and James. Dear Days lighting and makeup...STOP IT!

EJ plans on kidnapping his kids....again. So he chloroforms Sami and gets caught by a screaming Allie. Okay that was kind of hysterical but EJ and Sami are really really boring right now. Sami sucks at scheming lately, and would make the old Sami cringe. EJ also is making no sense but at least he looks good doing anything! Rafe is trying to destroy the evidence against Sami but it is RAFE which is code for "He can't do anything right." Nicole probably has 80,000 copies of the tape and just because he ruined her computer it means NOTHING. Side note: Nicole is a great babysitter even when she is drunk!

Carly finally figured out Bo and Hope aren't over. Wow it only took a WHOLE YEAR! What hints did Carly miss looking back...the lack of constant "I love yous," the constant mention of HOPE, the topics of conversation that are always HOPE related, the looks of concern on Bo's face whenever Carly talks and its not about HOPE?! Has anyone informed Carly by the way that Chloe had the baby? No, hmm you would have thought she would have been informed considering that is the storyline the writers PUT HER IN! Bo also talks to Jen about my favorite topic...HOW MUCH JACK SUCKS! I never liked Jack, I thought he was a goofy NOT FUNNY asshole! Jen meets Dr. Ben who is possibly very Jack like (still too early to tell) and nope there was no foreshadowing of a get together WHAT SO EVER! -----> Sarcasm. This does not bold well for Jen....they should hook her up with someone bad....like EJ.

As Chloe Moans...Giving Birth Ya Pervs!

Chloe is having the baby. Scratch that...a Huge 20 pound baby is being ripped from Chloe's HooHa. Melanie has to look "down there" and sees that Chloe's water broke and she is fully shaved. Go Chloe! In probably the most hysterical scene since Vivian and Victor's wedding, Melanie and Chloe scream and yell at each other for the whole show. My favorite is when Chloe screams: I WANNNNNNTTT DRUGGGGGSSSSSSS. Melanie also is appropriately terrified. Daniel and Phil are on their way but I honestly don't want them to get there anytime soon. This is too funny. Melanie is worried because the baby is blue...it takes Chloe a minute to realize she did not have sex with a smurf and the baby has lost oxygen. Yes sad, but don't worry baby is fine.

Maggie is stuck in that damn sarcophagus. At this rate the thing will be on the show until New Years. Vivian is being a total bitch and even though she realizes her plans never work she keeps this one annoyingly going. Victor and Brady are taking FOREVER to realize that Vivian got out. This all better lead to happy Maggie/Victor times or I am going to get pissed.

Rafe and Sami are still together...why? No idea! Sami and Rafe had sex after she cried over shooting EJ. That normally does not turn people on but Sami is a rare jewel. Nicole watches Sami's confession tape and it amazingly looks like she watching an episode of Days! What an angle Ari got on Sami! Nicole goes over Sami's house and is prepared to blackmail her for Sydney...what else is new? I think Sami should hand her over she is a terrible mom. BTW EJ was on today too but his whining made me tune him out.

Maggie Looks Young, and Chloe looks Restless

Maggie has been thrown in the sarcophagus! Great now we have to endure her in there and she is not taking it as comically as Vivian did. Vivian doing this just got meaner because she wants Maggie dead to hurt Victor now. She wants revenge against Victor, but of course we all know Victor will save Maggie....but God knows when. The best part of this all is hopefully this brings Maggie and Victor closer together. Maggie is worried about Victor even though she is the one in danger...THAT IS LOVE...and its Magic! Honestly this couple is the best one on this show!

EJ/Sami/Rafe know how to bore an audience to death with their constant fighting. Whatever happens doesn't matter because in a few months Sami will probably want EJ again because she is a dumbass, and Rafe will sit around with his thumb up his ass as usual. Interestingly, it is NICOLE who has the goods on Sami. While I love Nicole and really think she'd be a better mom than Sami, I'm not sure how I feel about the whole blackmailing Sami for Sydney storyline that is coming up. And of course EJ is going to blackmail Sami for custody of the kids too. This is just going in CIRCLES! With the exception of Nicole everyone else is acting like an asshole and it is not cute, romantic or redeeming in any way.

Melanie decides to tell Daniel everything! Chloe is obviously upset by this and so she goes after Melanie at the Horton cabin. Okay when did Chloe learn to drive a boat? Also she didn't really need to throw the keys away, she could have just hid them in her bra. Melanie calls Daniel and the stress puts Chloe in labor. Well actually Chloe takes the opportunity to jog around and chase Melanie, whilst swiping her arms at the girl. Melanie ducks and covers from the pregnant lady and then is shocked that Chloe is moaning without a man around. Yes Chloe is in labor and orgasming at the same time. Right now this is my favorite storyline other than Maggie and Victor because the fact that Melanie has to deliver her husband's kid is just FUN! Also she gets to stare at Chloe's Hoo Ha for a whole episode which is longer then most of the men get! Go Mel!

Happy 45th Birthday Days of Our Lives

Days celebrates its 45th anniversary today. So to be different let us look at the good things!

The show is amazing for bringing out so much emotion from its fan base whether we are happy or upset with it. We care for these characters and what happens to them. Let's hope the show continues and just gets better!

To the fans....Days fans are dedicated and committed...in fact I'm sure some will actually be COMMITTED one day. First and foremost this is a SHOW! It is a SHOW and the CHARACTERS are not REAL! No matter which fanbase you belong to, because it is a soap opera, you will be disappointed at some point. Take it out on the WRITERS! Not the actors! Like I said a few weeks ago about the Ejamis and the Safes...you are both getting the shaft with the writing and deserve better. For WEEKS/MONTHS/YEARS now Carbos and Bopes have been at each other's throats name calling and fingerpointing. IT IS A SHOW!

For today at least let's drop the crap and show respect for a show that brings us all together and drives us insane at the same time! And once that is over....let's all go after the real troublemaker Dena Higley...who has turned beloved characters...and I mean all characters (Bo, Hope, Carly, Sami, Caroline etc) into bumbling morons.

One last thing to add: I'd like to honor the fans who DO NOT take things seriously and act with respect. I am sorry that certain people ruin things for everyone and are bad names to their fanbases making them all sound bad. Not all fans are crazy and we salute you!

Special Title: Caroline Sucks!

Okay if you are a Caroline fan DO NOT proceed in reading this post.

Caroline switched the paternity tests..why...because basically she is a CUNT. Sorry if that word offends you but it is actually the best description of a character who is such a hypocrite she makes you want to throw up! She did it for Stephanie, then she did it because she hates Victor, and she did it to protect her family, and on and on. Face it Caroline you are a bitch who does not mind her business and now we know where Sami and Kayla and Stephanie and the family dog get it from! Go read your Bible and find the passage where it says it is okay to fuck with people's lives for no reason. Okay who am I really mad at? The writers for pulling this LAME ASS crap once again..What is next?

Caroline ran over Arianna....Caroline made Nicole unable to carry babies....Caroline knocked out Gus and is feeding Vivian pub food....Caroline is behind the supposed organ harvesting ring and that is why she is living large since the Pub has been dealing with the recession. Who shaved EJ's head...CAROLINE! Who cut off Will's balls....Caroline!

Do you see my point? We got ripped off again in what could have been a good storyline. Now if Caroline is covering for someone I would be happy, but you know what? I had to listen to her shit all day about how much she wants to lie to protect her family. That is NOT ok. This lady lectures everyone and she has the nerve to say it is ok when she does it.

Other stuff that happened: Stephanie and Nathan had sex...I puked. Maggie visited Hope in jail....I ate a sandwich. Bo finds out Carly and Chloe are friends...I shook my head. Victor and Kate are working together with regards to Vivian...I puked again. Kayla is wearing that same ugly vest....I shocked myself with paddles just to revive myself from all that puking. Thank God I am still alive after that episode.

The Dead Arianna and the Restless Storylines

So I decided to do a weekly recap this week because well I was honestly hungover from NYC this weekend but also because this week dragged out like crazy.

The big News: Arianna is finally dead but we have no idea who hit her or if it is even going to be addressed. At this point it honestly doesn't matter because this story is...say it with me LAME! I do not care if you are a Safe fan or an EJami fan...you guys are getting screwed over on both fronts! EJ and Sami had a fight scene today that looked like borderline attempted rape...I thought we were supposed to forget that ever happened and that they "loved each other." Also, Rafe is boring as hell and needs a better writer...He is whipped and why on earth is he with Sami of all people? Seriously I'm getting to the point where Sami doesn't deserve either guy and should live alone with her gay son, Will. Will should be gay because that would actually be an interesting storyline...oh wait this show doesn't do interesting...YES I'M BITTER!

Melanie hates Carly...WE GET IT! Guess what though, when you make Carly an annoying character who cries all the time WE ARE GOING TO HATE IT TOO! She has no friends, no one really likes her except Bo, and he barely spends time with her. Carly is the OLDER Stephanie...maybe Stephanie is her real daughter. Also, Kayla...YOU SUCK! You are married to a one eyed man who always wears black and you wear hideous vests...jump off the judgmental train you out of work doctor! I would say YIPPEE that Jennifer is coming back but guess who she is coming back for...SKELEEETOOOOORRRRRR! Also Caroline sucks but we all knew that already. GO DENTURES!

Ah yes...the thin thing...the Hope...the "heart of the show" as Corday likes to put it. She's more like the pain in the ass of the show if you ask me. Honestly the lady is thin...but also, her always being the martyr is freaking annoying! It appears as if a organ donor ring is going on in the jail. The foreshadowing was so obvious with Arianna giving up her heart that it smacked the viewer in the face. Also, the new doctor is sketchy and probably a part of it, why else would he ask Carly out...yeah no one else likes her so it must be because of her exotic blood type of AB negative. He also develops a crush on Jen who will be helping Hope..who will obviously be pardoned because of this storyline, and who will probably end up with Bo because Corday is obsessed with them. Big problem with the story: Hope is too thin and her organs are probably not viable since she is clearly near death.

Vivian is still in the sarcophagus and the whole freaking town knows and does not give a shit. Side note: It smells like a nursing home with shitty care in that sarcophagus but I digress.

Of course I missed things like Nathan proposing, EJ and Sami fighting over a camera that wasn't there, and Chloe and Daniel returning from their honeymoon, and Nicole wanting Sydney back. Okay well technically I just covered it so there ya go. These stories are going to eventually kick into high gear during sweeps so we shall to them. BTW does anyone else remember that Chad is Stefano's son...yeah we keep getting reminded of that every 3 weeks THANKS!

Happy Halloween everyone!! Be safe and dress like sluts...you are allowed.

The Dead and the Dreadful

Well the short short version...

Brady sees his dead mother who looks alot older and had her hair dyed in heaven. Also I don't look good in white and wear white bed linens so I don't really want to go to Salem heaven. She is ashamed of Brady, while Victor is really proud that he and Nicole buried Vivian alive. Meanwhile the fumes are getting to Vivian and if she farts...she will die.

Sami, Rafe, and Arianna have the longest conversation ever without getting anywhere...AGAIN! Rafe is annoyed his sister won't lie for him....Theresa would have lied for Luis. Arianna tapes Sami confessing to everything and even where she threw the gun. Since when does Sami fall for this kind of shit and tell the truth? Sami is a moron but she's not this kind of moron. Arianna taped everything on a Flip cam....now that was a good plug because Flip cams have been known to be used for blackmail. Also to recap..Will is still a nerd momma's boy.

EJ and Bo have a long discussion about how slow Bo is.....ok not really but basically EJ violated his restraining order but instead of getting arrested he explains to Bo how Sami shot him. This show gets better and better.

My take: Kill that bitch Arianna already. I say make her where a Target t-shirt as the ultimate plug of all time!

Guiding a Car...Over Arianna's Face

Quickest recap ever of a really long episode:

Arianna is still alive dammit! Bitch is confronting the eyebrow man about how his girlfriend tried to kill someone, but the eyebrows are making him crazy and he doesn't care. Also, there is a new Sydney and she beat the crap out of Ali Sweeney today with a stuffed lizard. She lived to pay though because James Scott grabbed her tightly so she couldn't squirm around.

In other parenting news Ciara took a magical journey from the top of the Brady par to the Salem state penitentiary. The little creeper gets around. She goes to see her mom and this must have been Days' Halloween episode with the skeleton decked out in full orange. Hope's teeth are starting to jet out of her mouth and everything. Carly got feisty today and put on an outfit most of us would wear....which means something weird is going to happen that we won't like. The Doctor who I think is annoying and ugly and still really doesn't have a name (Ben/Jason), asks her for coffee and the lame Carly says she has to get home to her "sweet man Bo." Saying, I am seeing and in love with Bo Brady would have sufficed Manning! Also, this creepy doctor is always on now which means he must be evil if he is interested in Carly for no apparent reason. She boring and not popular in Salem. Carly also tells Nathan to stay away from Melanie, but it was treated in a very who gives a damn way.

Countdown to Ari flattened like a pancake commences this week! She might look like an enchilada once it's over.

All My Tan Weddings

Daniel and Chloe are married....not for all the Days of their Lives though. Melanie didn't say a thing, everyone hates Carly, Phillip thinks he won't get caught...That's pretty much it....and "it" SUCKS! Nothing was resolved as usual and I am bitter. Melanie will be reminding us about the affair every single day and she has not even figured out Phillip is the other man. UGHHHHHH! Daniel is the only one who doesn't know what the hell is going on and his chipper attitude is becoming annoying. Brady is now smarter than him, even though he is with Nicole! Victor's facial expressions during the wedding pretty much covered how I was feeling the whole episode. Also, Victor and Maggie need at least a smooch already! I don't want a sex scene...JUST A KISS!

In other news Will and Sami are bonding over her attempted murder. Whenever I get fast food with my mom or dad we discuss their crimes and how they got away from them. Will's mancrush on Rafe is also over because he resigned from the FBI...so now he can be stupid and not get paid. Arianna overhears everything and is in shock and disgust. She also seems terrified of Sami...who is this bitch and what did they do with Arianna? She runs and goes to tell EJ everything....BITCH! EJ still loves Sami so he is brain damaged and might be in a walking coma. Stefano is like WTF the crazy bitch tried to shoot you! Now you know how we feel Stefano! HAHA! EJ is afraid of losing his kids...just kidnap them and go away for awhile!

BTW Stephanie and Kayla were on today.....for what reason who really knows.

Days of Rafe Being Boring

I no like Rafe....Rafe no like EJ...where Lucas? That is all! Rafe bores me and even Sami's confession to him that she shot EJ sucked because you can tell he doesn't get it and he doesn't believe her. Also him resigning from the FBI means he will be on more driving me INSANE. At least EJ and Lucas were fun fighting over Sami. Rafe needs a new love interest, one that makes him less comatose! Maybe when Arianna dies he will realize Sami and him are boring and he needs a troublemaker or a good girl..not a MIX of the two! P.S> EJ will not have a scar from his gun shot....why would he this is Salem? Sami also tells him the truth that they are not married. Id rather be shot in the head again than to get interrogated by Rafe and Roman at the same time.

Melanie is still crying, but at least she had the good sense to change clothing UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE.....CARLY! She is wearing matching Purple with Phillip, who might be the best damn liar on this show! At least when he lies its with conviction! Nicole lies to Daniel and tells him that Chloe and Mel had a spat over her not being a real part of the family. That was a bad lie and really made no sense. Nicole also offered a pregnant Chloe booze...that is a real friend people. So recap: Melanie hates Carly now, Phillip tries to talk her out of confessing, Chloe might be shitting herself, and Melanie is going to tell Daniel the truth....okay not really.

Hope is still in jail.......Bo visited her.....Ciara is getting bullied in school.....Id rather Bo was in jail, Ciara visits him, and Hope is getting bullied at school. Okay Bo and Hope are going to get back together...its a soap...that's what happens...but can we just get it OVER WITH! Fall for the dumb martyr bitch again and just raise your demented child together so I can make fun of you even more. THANK YOU!

As the World Hates Carly Again

So what's going on??? Basically the main story is that Chloe's affair is becoming more and more public. Melanie knows because she overheard Nathan and Stephanie talking about it, and then after the confrontation with Chloe she now knows Carly knew.

CARLY IS IN TROUBLE!!!!! When confronted by Melanie Carly tries to use the good old "I am a doctor and it's against the law to tell you anything" line. Melanie starts crying because she realizes her mother is not only a bad dresser but a TERRIBLE LIAR. Melanie and Carly are now exactly back to where they were a year ago: Melanie hates Carly. Chloe feels bad that she threw Carly under the bus but she WILL NOT tell anyone it was Phillip she slept with. Phillip wants to kill everyone for being stupid and talking about Chloe's affair, and Melanie lectures Carly on how she played God and lied to Daniel for months. Carly defends Chloe and her actions, stating that Chloe is not a whore....WRONG AGAIN MANNING! P.S. Carly better get a new outfit for the damn wedding or I am going to scream. Her outfit looks like an 80s jumpsuit mixed with a skirt that does not match. P.S.S. Daniel is still a clueless moron. He gets warned not to marry Chloe on a daily basis and doesn't listen to anyone's warnings.

Also Hope is still in jail. Glad we are all caught up on that. She still has not been killed for being a cop. All my trust has to go into this Lee chick who may end up killing or harming Hope in some way. It is taking wayyyy toooo long for my liking. Hope also became a doctor in prison and recognized a girl having appendicitis. She would obviously know about stomach pain having not eaten since 2001. Meanwhile Bo, who annoyingly wipes his mouth after making out with Carly, thinks everything is going great with Ciara. However Ciara's life sucks and she is getting bullied...probably because she is a creeper. Bo goes to visit Hope and when these two get back together I hope he breaks her during sex and she dies. Yeah I said it!

Bitch Slaps and the Beautiful

Sorry for the lack of recaps. I was under the weather but feeling better. Honestly, nothing really happened on the show....until today.

Big news so far: Vivian admitted today she soiled herself in that sarcophagus. TOLD YOU SO

Brady is becoming more and more badass with Nicole as his accomplice.

But today was Melanie day. Melanie told off Nathan for keeping Chloe's affair a lie...wait until she finds out Carly was involved. Momma is going to have no one except that Bo guy who loves the thin chick. Melanie BITCH SLAPPED Chloe who yes is pregnant but its not like she kicked her in the womb. Chloe had it coming and the show is getting good. praise Jesus!

All My Crypt Sex

So I am a bit under the weather and slow but I will keep this recap short today.

Brady and Nicole start doing it in the Crypt! Brady took his shirt off and that is all you really need to know. Vivian is being a bit of a complainer considering she is getting live action free porn right before her eyes. Brady could be mean and never speak to her but he is nice and puts on a free show! Pretty sure Nicole is going to keep her mouth shut about Viv as long as her legs are open. YES I WENT THERE!

Rafe is boring, Roman is boring, EJ is pissed, and Sami is still a big whore with to many children. I miss the old Sami, not this one who tries to cover up she shot the bad guy. EJ thinks he shot himself which is amazing considering where he was shot, but we will allow him to be slow considering he has a brain injury. Stefano pisses him off some more when he learns Sami tried to pull the plug on him. Love how it was conveniently left out that even Lexie thought it was a good idea to pull the plug.

In Old people news: Victor touches Maggie's hand, which is like second base to their generation. It was kinky folks and I think Maggie is feeling randy. Melanie and Phil realize that Victor is outbidding them on all the houses they want so that they stay at Maggie's. This is an expensive version of foreplay but Maggie seems to be flattered. Melanie pulls a fast one on Victor and tells Papa Vic that she will be teaching him how to play Mah Jong. Okay not for nothing but I would love to see Melanie and Victor bonding. If Victor was smart he would use Melanie (in a nice way of course) to get closer to Maggie. Magic is going to happen people!

The Nothing and the Even More Nothing

Okay the show seriously bored me today, and the free Chinese food plug did not help. On a side note: Rafe and Sami get horny when they eat orange chicken..DISCUSS! This is the short short version.

EJ is lying and faking amnesia....BITCH! Lexie is also being annoying because she is pretending to be a good bad doctor. It does not suit her and she needs to have her annual 3 year affair on Abe.

Vivian is starting to smell and Nicole finds out she is in there. Nicole should just help Brady and not make matters worse. By help Brady I clearly mean remove his shirt.

Kate offers Chad a job and he assumed she was hitting on him. This is actually a reasonable reaction considering who he is dealing with.

Other than that NOTHING happened. NOTHING. Slow Day!

As the Chloe Waddles

Okay you all win and I'll do a blog today. I'll make it short because this episode was really boring with the exception of seeing Phillip half naked. He just does it for me.

Simply stated: Kayla and Stephanie are annoying and I want them to go away. Stephanie is one of the worst written characters EVER and Shelley Hennig, I love you, I love your hair, and you deserve better than this crappy character you are forced to play. At least Shelley is NOTHING like her character in real life because then we'd have a real problem. Anyways Kayla came back to this show to really just be a pain in the ass and mention how much she hates Carly. She doesn't tell Daniel anything about Chloe though and assumes that there was not a paternity switch but just a computer error. So now mother and daughter have teamed up to find out who the daddy is. At this rate Patch will be coming back to re switch the test results and claim he slept with Chloe. I CANNOT TAKE THIS!

EJ is still pretending he is married to Sami. Lexie sucks as a doctor and is afraid to tell him the truth. So if EJ wanted a pony would they just bring it into his hospital room? Apparently so! The only good thing about this story is how annoyed Rafe is by all of this. He just stands in the background growling and mumbling like the Roman clone that he is. Rafe is one step away from being an ape. Then of ALL people, JOHNNY, SON OF A DIMERA AND A BRADY, tells the truth! Clearly this kid was switched at birth! How dare he rat out his mother like that and say they are living with Rafe.

Carly wants to know who Chloe had an affair with alllllll of a sluttttten. I just want to know who dresses her and why she won't get changed! Next thing she will ask is if Chloe's sexual partner was tested for any known diseases. Then she will ask his ethnicity to make sure the baby wont be born African American. Chloe then waddles on over to Phillip and they decide to scream out loud about their affair at the PIER. Really? Stop discussing your SEX! Yes we like you two naked, but enough with the SEX talk! Phillip and Melanie also have sex in this episode, but the real shocker is when they are not having sex Phillip is not wearing a suit. It has been months since we have seen in in normal everyday clothing. Okay I miss the suits now or have him be nude more. Oh yeah they also buy a house but we don't care about that. Chloe and Daniel are going to get married, Phil and Mel are happy, soooo the secret should be coming out soon to ruin EVERYTHING! Melanie also talks about Nathan being in love with her but Carly suggests she made the right choice with Phillip. WRONG AGAIN MANNING!

Okay so September is almost over and we have to make it through ONE MONTH of nonsense before we get: NOVEMBER SWEEPS. I suspect a baby being born of course and the secret coming out at the supposed park wedding. Vivian will probably get out around that time, or at least get a pee reprieve. Arianna will find out Sami shot EJ and then get killed in a car accident. BOO! Maggie and Victor better hook up. I also suspect Hope will lose about a pound...sorry bad things happen.

Pet Cemetery Passions

The GOOD News: EJ woke up. The BAD News: He is pretending that he is married to Sami and cannot remember anything else. BOOOOOOO! This is boring and Rafe only makes it worse with his stupid ass theories that Will shot EJ. Even after Sami informs Rafe that Stefano has proof Will did not do it, Rafe is convinced Will did it and the evidence will pile up. Rafe is a F&*^ING MORON! Yes I censored myself because ten bucks says Rafe wouldn't figure out the word I used. Of course no one will tell EJ the truth because Lexie thinks she knows what she is doing and the truth will kill EJ. WHATEVER!

Chloe continued breaking up with Nicole and acted like a mean girl to her. She tells her that she has no friends and that she doesn't feel safe with her. Apparently these two were secretly having sex and we were avoiding the truth. Nicole goes to visit her dead dog Pookie. I wish Pookie could have lived longer and Rafe could have died instead. Annnnnyyywayyyyss, Nicole overhears Brady moving "Sparkles" aka Isabella's body from the pet cemetery. French Stewart is guest starring which is kind of weird in an "I'm surprised they didn't write an alien storyline" for him kind of way. Status of Vivian: Still in Coffin, has eaten more than Hope who is in jail, and still has to pee.

Nathan talks about how he dislikes Chloe with Daniel, which leads Carly to believe Nathan and Chloe had the affair. Ewwwwwwwww! To make matters worse, Kayla is back to annoy the crap out of Stephanie and Stephanie reveals the whole baby test switch to her mother. Kayla goes on a huge lecture about what Stephanie is doing is wrong and how sad Steph is for being so desperate. Stephanie then decides to throw a hissy fit and start screaming, but nonetheless she is a pathetic hot mess. Stephanie and Nathan are becoming so pathetic that they might actually deserve each other just not on my screen! P.S. Daniel is catching Rafe's stupidity disease, and Chloe needs to tell Carly that she dresses and does her hair badly if she were REALLY her BFF!

The Booze and the Restless

Short and sweet for this weekend:

Nicole and Chloe BROKE UP! I'm am SOOOOOOO sad! The greatest subtexual lesbian couple on this show is OVER. You do NOT break up with Nicole. Who will teach the baby about booze? Who will teach the baby to lie elaborately? Not Chloe! Chloe can barely read. Nicole would have been the perfect AUNTIE, NOT CARLY! Carly just stands around lecturing people and that is why they don't like her! Nicole warns Chloe that Carly is a manipulative bitch...SHE's NOT EVEN that!! This is a sad weekend and I vote that everyone partakes in fancy cocktails and lies to someone they love in honor of Team Chlicole being over.

In other news: Rafe is a moron. Can he die instead of Arianna? I know it is too late to ask but still, Rafe needs to stop putting me into a coma, and stop being such an idiot. Sami just basically confessed and what does Rafe do...HE IGNORED HER! Oh yeah and EJ woke up. He keeps asking for Samantha which you really shouldn't do when Arianna wants to massage other parts of your body. I know you were shot in the brain EJ but that does not mean you can act like Rafe. NO EXCUSE!

Have a good weekend everyone!

Bold Ass Baby Bump and the Baby Shower

Kayla is BACK! and guess what?! NO ONE GIVES A SHIT! GO ANNOY SOMEONE ELSE AND TAKE IAN AND STEPHANIE UNLESS THEY WRITER HER BETTER WITH YOU! Also, you know the character sucks when she ruins what could have been good looking people naked having a boring sex scene! Speaking of the girl Ian, he is coming off extremely stalkerish now. Didn't Stephanie already have a stalker? Please not again! Daniel meets Ian after the little girl has a motorcycle accident...which does not make that girl anymore manly honestly. Nathan gives him a hard time again, and guess what...STILL BORING! Daniel even threatens him....this cannot get worse.

Just checked the sarcophagus and Vivian is still in it! Brady even sits on her and it is not so kinky as it sounds. Essentially the bitch is going to be stuck in there for all eternity.

Stefano tells Kate that he has proof that Will did not do it, but Sami's fingerprints are on the box that had the gun in it. Stefano and Kate admit it would have been weird if Will's prints were on it because they love each other and would then be at each other's throats. I honestly enjoy the fact that they were concerned they had to hurt each other and genuinely cared...awwww! They are like the evil version of Maggie and Victor. Will is nice enough to visit EJ and ask him to die. That's sweet, and hopefully EJ won't listen. On a positive note Arianna massaged EJ...I just won't say which part.

It's BABY SHOWER TOWN!!! Let's play WHO DA DADDY! Chloe is now pregnant with a 24 month old child in her 5th month of pregnancy. She LARGE! Nicole goes to buy "soda" which we all know is code for a Martini Run! Everyone knows that before a baby shower you need to get hammered to be able to sit through it. While out Nicole runs into Brady and he still wants nothing to do with her. This leads to Nicole doing shots....it is the little things like this that make me love Nicole. Soooo she shows up to the realllllyyyy boring Girlie Baby shower and Carly starts slapping her a little. Either this is a good sign for Team Narly or a Realllllllyyyyy BADDDD one. Then she makes a comment about Chloe wronging Daniel and Melanie makes a "sayyyyy whattttttt bitch" face. Way to go Nicole...you now have no more friends...welcome to Carly's world.

The Cute Old Folks and their Restless Relationship

Days was extremely boring today except for the Maggie and Victor, and Brady and Vivian parts. In fact they should just have whole episodes at this point because that's all I care about right now! Maggie and Victor decide to be friend but just FOR NOW! Maggie and Victor flirted the whole time and are getting more and more adorable. If these two get a love scene, it might freak me out...but I am rooting for them. Vivian gets a visit from Carly who is wearing red? visiting Isabella. She misses her friend....yes Carly once had friends, shocking I know. Brady watches as he sees Carly talking about Vivian and how she can't believe she is gone. Does Brady know Carly is his godmother? This overlooked fact really annoys me. Bo shows up and wonder why Vivian left, but Brady is not letting Vivian out despite her warnings that no one will believe she is gone. Brady reminds Vivian he has her phone and the emails he sends cannot be traced. Thus proving my theory: Brady is a GENIUS when he drinks and has stubble.

The rest of the show was terrrrribbbbblllleeee. Arianna has the hots for EJ all of a sudden. Rafe is annoyed with her, but also finds time to question Will about why he is acting weird. Kate and Stefano are now at odds because he thinks Will shot EJ. She talks to Phillip about worrying what Stefano will do to the person who shot EJ. THIS SUCKS!! Kate actually loves Stefano, and Stefano had a quirky bond with Will so this whole "William shot Elvis" crap is pissing me off. Kate thinks about poisoning Stefano if he goes after Will....because her track record of poisoning people is terrific! P.S. to Days Wardrobe Department...just because Kate and Stefano are married...does NOT mean it is cute when they dress alike!

Abe and Lexie and Bo were on today too. You can thank me now for not discussing the entire amount of time they wasted. My favorite Bo part: when Carly tells him Isabella would be happy they were together and he says NOTHING! That is clearly love. Bad writing, bad story, bad character development, Go choke on a Snowball writers!

As the Magic Turns....and Vivian has to Pee.

Three Reasons to watch Days right now...Victor and Maggie, and then Brady who is inadvertently bringing them together even more. Brady won't let Vivian out of the sarcophagus and she is forced to watch everyone throw a party that she is gone forever. Well it's kind of sad that no one cares for Vivian, but she brought this on herself. She calls everyone BASTARDS, which turns out to not be insulting because most of them actually are. Phillip....Bastard, Melanie....Bastard, Chloe...Bastard, Daniel..probably a Bastard or has other Bastard children. Justin just is a Bastard, and has one Bastard child that I remember. So Vivian and Maggie have the chance to get closer while Vivian has to hold it in until November sweeps. Hope she invested in Depends.

The not so great storyline....EJ getting shot. Okay I'm not thrilled with this storyline at all actually. There is no mystery as to who shot EJ, and Sami is the biggest screw up of all time. However, the fact that Will is being to blame and she does nothing to stop it is the really annoying part of all of this. Kate and Sami are also being friendly because Stefano thinks Will did it. Just NO! Kate and Sami getting along means that you are already writing incorrectly! Also, Rafe thinking Will shot EJ makes sense because Rafe is a moron, but get this over with please. At least Will is smarter than his parents.....oh yeah and gay. EJ was also taken off the monitors but is breathing and is saying Samantha's name. One: you can do better than Sami, two: Lexie don't know shit.

Minor story today: Stephanie just won't go away. She now suspects that Daniel switched the tests. Daniel was my guess because he is the least likely suspect but Stephanie figuring that out makes me wonder what the hell they are doing with this storyline. The baby might actually be Satan's the amount of times the stupid test was switched. Stephanie you annoyed Adrienne so much that she actually had to call Kayla for back up. Way to go! Update: Ian still looks like a girl and has a lesbian crush on Chloe..Discuss!

Burials of Our Lives

First thinks First.....WILL IS BORING!! Will with Rafe is BORING...Will talking to a dying EJ...BORING...Will with his grandmother...BOOOORRRINNNNGGG. So when is Will not boring..with Sami, Chad, and Stefano. RECOGNIZE! Will crying over EJ is making me ill because he hated the asshole. Rafe and Kate thinks he is obviously hiding something, and do you know why? Because he SUCKS at acting like he does not know anything. Stop focusing on Will and focus a little more on maybe CHAD, who was just revealed as Stefano's son. Yeah thanks! Also, why the hell is Sami of all people deciding if EJ should be kept on machines?! This should not be legal and at least they let Lexie out of her hidden cave and she even was able to get groped by Daniel! Good for her! One more thing to add: Rafe dreaming about Will shooting EJ? Okay that does not happen in real life and if you dream about EJ he should be NAKED.

It also seems that being in a coma, bald, with a gunshot wound to the head makes you more attractive to women because now Nicole and Arianna are fighting over EJ. Nicole feels bad to see EJ dying but then freaks out and starts hitting the poor bastard. Arianna walks in and stops her. Nicole and Arianna later argue on the PIER. Next time girls, little less talking and more hair pulling and punching. Nicole figures out that Arianna has a crush on EJ and warns her that she is being stupid. Is being in love with EJ stupid? Technically yes because he is a bad guy and this will lead Arianna to her death which really sucks but that's what her boring badly written character gets when she could have been a totally better character, and my rant stops here. P.S. Nicole's scenes with Daniel....I see potential between the two and would like Nicole to steal him from Chloe THANKS!

Brady locks Vivian in the sarcophagus, and essentially...annoys the shit out of her. He sits on the thing, starts yelling at her in it, and even throws things at the camera. Vivian looks like she wants to pass out and die, which does serve her right for burying Carly all those years ago. For some reason I still feel bad for Viv, and while this is funny I don't enjoy seeing people buried alive. I get claustrophobic SORRY! Anyways Eric Martsolf does an amazing job at acting with himself when he drunkenly zooms in and out of the cameras when he is terrorizing Vivian. He even goes as far as telling her that Maggie and Victor are doing it. Okay kinda eww. Vivian is freaking the hell out and begs to be let out but he will not let her go....which makes you wonder..How long can Vivian hold in her pee?! Maggie tells Victor she's staying in town and that she GASP likes him. They are ADORABLE together and he reciprocates his feelings and it's done in a classy and old fashioned way. However, Maggie also tells him the time isn't right for them to get together because he is married and she still loves Mickey...clearly forgetting the horrific BONNIE years I had to watch. Victor will hopefully be respectful while still putting the moves on the lady. Go Maggie!

All My Sarcophagus Fights

It's my birthday party and I can skip a blog if I want too!!! Okay I will write something but I am going with the short and not so sweet approach as usual.

Vivian and Brady slap each other around for the whole hour. It is kinky, feisty, and Brady finds out Isabella is sleeping with the pets of Salem. Is it tacky? yes but at least Vivian had her moved to where she is the hottest chick in the place. Anyways Brady catches up to Vivian and vows to make her pay. Which really just means Vivian will get buried alive sometimes soon.

Melanie and Nathan have awkward time and if that's not enough they drag the poor Olsen twins into the mix!! That's just rude! Melanie and Maggie also discuss what happened but Melanie changed the subject to Maggie and Victor. She wants Maggie to be a vixen, but Maggie does not want to play the home wrecker role. Awwwwww. Nathan and Phillip also have awkward time but they are just playing pool and I did not listen to a word they said because they fine....but boring.

Will won't tell on his mother...I think he just said that because her cleavage was hanging out and things got awkward. Kate visits EJ and stabs him in the leg to see if he is faking...could she have not shouted in his ear? Anyways she talks to Chad and decides she will use the info about him being Stefano's son somehow to her advantage. She sees Will with EJ and worries that Will might have shot EJ. Will continues crushing on Chad, and just come out already! Sami talks to Rafe about how to tell Johnny his dad has been shot....because Rafe who has NO children is the person to go to for this kind of advice...CALL YOUR MOTHER!!

The End!! I didn't get Hope stabbed on my birthday but a girl can still dream! Thanks everyone!!

The Dead and the Pimped Out Sarcophagus

Vivian knocked Brady over the head with an urn when he found out that his mother's sarcophagus was pimped out to bury Maggie alive. Okay what other show can you really say this about? Seriously! Also, I feel cheated that Vivian's plans were discovered by BRADY of all people. Apparently booze makes you smarter, because Brady can only think when he is drunk. Rafe and Roman should start drinking immediately. Chloe should have an IV hooked up to her. So after Brady calls Vivian a bitch repeatedly, she hits him with an urn..Tip for Vivian: Start using real weapons like guns and knives because this inanimate object thing is not working for you. Gus also calls Maggie to inform her about Vivian's plan but Maggie has bad service. I blame AT&T.

Hope is in the BIG house and her roommate is a creepy butch lady named Tina who wants to stab her after she finds out who Hope is. I like Tina!! Bo is worried about his Freaky face and Ciara is being nice to Carly. I am going to throw up! Bo hopes Ciara's letter boosts Hope's spirits..no that would be food. Tina picks a fight with Hope and Hope beats HER up...so Tina fails as a human being because she can not fight a stick figure of a woman who weighs 47 pounds. Stacy Haiduk is playing the warden by the way, and she wont be around for long because they fired her...what a waste! So now she dislikes Hope, and because Hope sent Tina to the infirmary all the inmates know that Hope is a cop. Hopefully someone stabs the bitch. Tina recommends that Hope doesn't eat.....Apparently Tina does not read my blog or my tweets, so I would like Tina to also die. Hope not eating or showering is NOT a punishment for a woman who NEVER eats!!

Stephanie and Chloe hold a Father Matt Fan Club meeting, but ultimately the big news is that Chloe did not change the DNA results. Now Stephanie knows it was not Philip or Chloe...which means it was...okay I'm saying Daniel because honestly he is the only person who I would not suspect and that is usually who did it. Also, Nathan tells Melanie again that he is not fond of Chloe. Nathan not liking Chloe just means that he is secretly a homosexual...it happens! Nathan dreams of Melanie while he is napping and starts saying that he loves her. UGHHH! Melanie and Nathan just don't do it for me. I'd rather he go with someone else and leave Melanie caught between Phillip and maybe Brady. She looks better with the older fellows! Nathan should be gay or sleep with Kate, because let's face it she'll sleep with anyone.

One Satan to Hail

In what might have been the most hysterical thing ever: Vivian fantasizes that Chloe is pregnant with the Antichrist and Carly helps her give birth to it...in the name of Satan...HAIL SATAN! Other than that the show was kinda slow lol. This was the best part and thankfully or unthankfully woke me up for the second half. In Vivian news: She gets busted by Brady who spots the TV monitor in his mother's sarco...I won't say it sorry. Brady wants Maggie to go to his mother's service but instead this guy is going to chuck Vivian in this over sized above ground coffin. In Vivian's defense....heaven might have tv and air conditioning. You never know! Also, what kind of henchman is GUS?! You do not bail on your Madame....you just constantly tell her she is wrong. I hope he actually goes for a colonic!

Okay the rest of the episode kinda was BLAHHHHH, and by BLLLLAHHHHHHH I mean Rafe was on. Sami tries to defend herself to Will but he is clearly there to just hate anything she does. He is not happy with his mother shooting EJ, but he was also unhappy when she was going to marry him so I don't know what the kid wants. Stefano begins to think Will might have shot EJ and Kate says she will declare war on him if he goes after her grandson. What is she going to do dye his hair blue when he is sleeping? Also Will cannot even comb his hair let alone shoot EJ correctly, and if he did well he is clearly a really bad shot so he is undoubtedly Sami's son.

Oh yeah Arianna likes EJ by the way....told ya!! And she will NOT stop until she discovers her shot him...which means she going to die! It was nice knowing you!

Previews: Stephanie asks Ian who else doesn't want Chloe to know that she's not carrying Daniel's baby. The whole DAMN TOWN Steph!! It's actually kind of ridiculous. Also there is a rumor the baby might be SATAN's!!!

Daniel says to Carly that there is something she's not telling him. Well she didn't tell him "NO" or "Use Protection" years ago so something tells ME that this is a recurring theme with Carly omitting important pieces of information.

Brady tells Vivian that she went way too far. Vivian is in trouble if Brady spots the Fridge and Bar in the lower portion of the coffin. Ooopss.

General Hospital Haircuts: EJ is BALD

So I'm back! Thanks everyone for the well wishes and my dad is finally home and doing great....unlike that EJ guy who has Daniel and Carly operating on him which really sucks. Also, the episode today was all over the place and way too much happened without anything happening at all. That makes perfect sense!

EJ is bald now. At least he is still a sexy beast though. The surgery was pretty fake and nothing much happened except Carly stared over Daniel's shoulder while he bulled out a bullet from EJ's skull. Her enormous surgery scrubs should have been cut along with EJ's hair. Carly finally has alone time with EJ and he is unconscious...I would mount him and go for an inappropriate doctor storyline. Stefano is in the waiting room crying and accusing everyone of killing Elvis. Kate just wants translations when he goes off in Italian at the bottom of the screen. He accuses Nicole of doing it but she has an alibi....which even she and Chloe are shocked by.

Nathan needs a haircut too. His hair might have shot EJ its so out of control. He calls Chloe out again for being a big whore and he upsets her. Apparently Chloe is also 8 months pregnant with that belly sticking out. She keeps touching her tummy to remind us she is pregnant, or maybe herself. Phil is so happy he isn't the dad that he puts on a dimple show. Melanie calls him out on it, but they decide that the baby is family so they should put together a shower. The only showers I like are when attractive people are having sex naked in one! Speaking of someone who needs a haircut, that girl Ian needs one too! Stephanie cons the poor boy into finding out who switched the test results. If I were him I would at least demand sex as a payment!

Sami says yes to Rafe's marriage proposal.... is anyone surprised by this? In fact Johnny is not even shocked and is like here we go again! Caroline is happy about the news....hypocrite bitch! Sorry! Bo comes in and announced to Rafe and Sami that EJ was shot, and Sami assumes he is dead. Well okay that seems suspicious...Bo write that down!! Does anyone really care that Sami shot EJ?? It's not like anyone is going to go to jail over this for a long period of time.

Brady thinks Victor has the hots for Maggie and sending Vivian away is to get closer to Maggie, not because of Stefano. Okay that conversation was not that blunt but I filled in the blanks basically. Vivian overhears everything and is probably cleaning off the sarcophagus as we speak. Victor calls Maggie and tells he she should leave town because he cares for her and worries about Stefano hurting her....Say it with me...Awwwwww.

Previews: Kate tells Bo she is not hiding anything....which means she is hiding something. If I were Bo I would look behind the blue hair and question her about that. I would want answers.

Stephanie says to Phillip: OMG, you told him. This girl is digging her own grave. She could be a total kickass character if she wasn't such a whiny ass bitch who can't commit to being a total bitch!

Stefano asks Carly if EJ is going to be all right. Who cares I am just excited they are having their FIRST CONVERSATION!! YAY!!

As Chloe Gets "Fatter"

EJ tries to explain himself to Sami and he even proposes again. Finally Sami tells him off because what he did was stupid and would have never worked. He explains to her that he loves her and that she loves him, and they've both become better people. Sami then explains that she has loved Rafe all along, and EJ can basically go to hell. Aww that sucks. Sami is going to take the kids and leave, as EJ tries to say goodbye to the always confused children. Kate learns from Rafe about Ej's evil plot and even she is appalled. When Kate thinks you did something terrible...you are up shit's creek without a paddle. Kate hates that Stefano has been lying to her. Chad tries to comfort her and if these two hook up I am going to puke. Stefano tells Chad to get lost in his way and Kate looks like she wants to slap Stefano. Sami takes her kids to the pub....so her father and Caroline can basically take care of them. Now it looks as though Sami and Rafe are back together. Here we goo..... EJ also gets a visit from Arianna...have sex and move on thanks.

Vivian is still trying to bury Maggie alive...who knew it was this complex. In fact Vivian's discussion of the technological advances in the field of the sarcophagus are quite compelling in a creepy way. Vivian visits Maggie and the two have a bitchfest. Maggie calls out Vivian for her KINKY OBSESSION with Lawrence. I have been saying that for over a decade thanks!! Vivian mutters that Maggie is a bitch and notices she is planning a vacation. Melanie catches Viv in the kitchen, and Vivian invites her over for "drinkies." Don't drink with people who try to have you killed....it just doesn't work. Vivian tells Gus she plans on writing Maggie's farewell letter and Gus looks like he just wants to find a new line of work. Where's Ivan? he took orders well!

Victor learns from Daniel and Chloe that Chloe is pregnant. Victor wants to know immediately who the father is and why Chloe's gained weight. Victor is such a gentleman. He thought Chloe was barren...and Daniel thinks people don't use that word anymore. Not true because I heard someone say it last week Danny! Chloe explains this baby is a gift from God. Victor then feels like lecturing her about how God is not biased. This is foreshadowing by the Days writers that God switched the paternity test because he/she is the LAST person I would suspect. Actually the last person I would suspect is Father Matt because he likes Chloe so much he would want to be the daddy. This conversation just took a weird turn. Anyways...Victor will accept the child but basically he still finds Chloe to be a tramp with no brains.

Nicole is scared that EJ is going to kill her so she tries to leave town. As she is packing she hears a guy sneaking in. She hides in the corner and the guy who played the GAS MAN in Dumb and Dumber comes in with a gun. He turns around to see Nicole standing there with scissors and starts screaming at the top of her lungs. Turns out his name is George and he is the new FBI guy sent to protect Nicole. Nicole cannot leave town because her account was frozen so she is stuck with George or the guy who played the GAS MAN. Nicole visits Chloe with a birthday gift and realizes her friend is fat and they need to talk. Yipee! Side Note: Ari Zucker had me laughing my ass off when she was screaming. Thank you.

Previews: Kate screams at Stefano that she is tired of the lies. Does she not realize who she married? Mr. DiMera keeps secrets. Huge Shocker.

EJ yells at Arianna that he doesn't need help. He needs hope. None of us need Hope..NONE OF US. Apparently EJ needs a cray cray mugger who is near death thin and cannot cry.

Sami says that she is sorry to Rafe. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. You should be sorry that you tried to marry a guy that has kept secrets from you and ruined your life on a day to day basis. STOP HAVING KIDS SAMI!